Did Body Positivity Actually Change Anything?

My daughter recently graduated to a new life milestone: her very own online shopping account. All her birthday, holiday, and “random nice relative” money is now neatly pooled together in one place, which is to say, it’s now fueling a very active personal shopping era.

She’s been ordering things left and right like she’s running a one-kid distribution center, and I’ve started witnessing something deeply familiar: a tiny mirror of myself. Because now every time a delivery truck rolls down the street, she lights up and sprints to the window with the hopeful intensity of someone who is 90% sure this is the one.

In other news, my 14-year-old son took his first solo plane ride, and I was not okay. I think I texted him about 50 times asking if he was comfortable, nervous, worried, hungry, or somehow simultaneously all of the above, while internally running through 47 possible scenarios—most of them completely unnecessary and none of them helpful.

Meanwhile, he handled it like just another Tuesday at 30,000 feet, arriving completely fine, calm, and very much not in need of my ongoing commentary from the ground.

Oh okay

Jonathan Haidt started his NYU commencement saying, “Treasure your attention,” which feels like a fortune-cookie cliche until you remember we live in an age where every app is competing for a slice of our brains.

He continues, “It sounds simple, but paying attention is in fact, one of the most challenging and meaningful things you can do. Because what you pay attention to shapes what you care about. And what you care about shapes what you become.”

And goes on to talk about how so many powerful people and companies are competing to take that choice away from us and capture our attention. But attention isn’t just wandering off on its own—it’s being chased. Every app, platform, and notification is competing for a piece of it, not because they’ve earned it, but because they can take it.

And on a related note…

Dr. Judith Joseph was on The Dr. Hyman Show talking about a study where adults had their smartphones taken away and were given flip phones for a month—so they could text and call, but not access the internet or social media.

What they found was that happiness scores went up as much as if they’d been treated with an antidepressant. People slept better, socialized more, spent more time in nature, and even reported enjoying food more instead of eating it while staring at a screen.

Was reading an old newsletter from two years ago and found this gem of community responses of things kids say.

Maternal Instinct: This was one of the most horrifying crime documentaries I’ve ever watched—my jaw was on the floor at the end. And even more horrifying is the title because what do you mean maternal instinct??

Emilie Kiser on Jay Shetty’s podcast (06/17): This was a heartbreakingly beautiful episode about grief and loss. I really loved the way she spoke about the grace she extended toward her husband, and how she held onto empathy and understanding even in something so devastating. I also really connected with her thoughts on letting go of other people’s opinions and finding peace in the fact that people who don’t know your life will never fully understand it.

Everyone keeps saying skinny is back. As though thinness packed up its tiny little suitcase in 2016, spent a few years in exile while we celebrated body positivity, and has now triumphantly returned to reclaim its throne.

Thin is back. Heroin chic is back. Size zero is back.

Back, back, back.

According to the internet, everyone is shrinking. Celebrities. Influencers. Entire awards-show red carpets. And yet I’m not convinced what we’re witnessing is the return of a beauty standard.

I wonder if we’re witnessing the revelation of one.