A Tale of Two Testes

In a stroke of chance as a middle-aged woman, I recently received my first d*ck pic. For those fortunate enough to be unfamiliar with this social phenomenon, it refers to the intentional distribution of unsolicited images of one’s male genitalia, usually by e-mail or text messaging. To be more precise, I was the recipient of a narrated d*ck video, but same difference. I would like to think that I was a random recipient of this “gift” and that the competition was stiff, that nobody I knew would intentionally send something like this to me. After all, most of the men in my life are stand-up guys. But there’s really no way for me to know. Sadly, it was my twenty-year-old daughter sitting next to me in the passenger seat of my car who discovered it. She was looking through the text messages on my phone to find the address of our destination when I heard her giggle and then look up, eyes wide in wonderment, and inform me, “Mom, you got a d*ck pic!”

Now, I have been married for over twenty-five years, so I was spared the agony of the online dating experience altogether. In my day, if someone wanted to free willy, it would have had to be done in person. I thought (and hoped) I would go to my grave without receiving a d*ck pic but sadly I was wrong. I wasn’t scandalized or titillated by the video; in fact, I found the experience rather flaccid. I wanted to wash my eyes out with soap. At the time, I did find it hilarious to think how far off the mark I, a married middle-aged mother, must be to the sender’s presumed target demographic, but I’m sure many women would not find it amusing at all. The men sending these unsolicited photos are not hardened criminals, but I wondered -- Who had the balls to send me such an image? It stiffened my resolve to find out what in the world could possess a man to do such a thing? What is the psychology behind the d*ck pic?

After a bit of research, I found that the motivations for this cyberflashing behavior vary, but in general most men send the pictures in hopes of eliciting a positive reaction from the recipient. In my findings, social scientists posit that the senders are generally younger heterosexual cisgender males who are more narcissistic and sexist than the average male. They have little understanding of what arouses women, and send the images as a form of flirtation or an invitation to rise to the occasion, in the vein of “If I show you mine, will you show me yours?” Like a fisherman dangling a small worm on the end of his line that 1,000 fish will swim by in the hopes that even one will bite, even if the success rate is approaching zero it may not be zero and the transaction cost of sending the photo is very low. Other senders may find sending d*ck pics humorous and/or have been socialized to see this behavior as acceptable, which it certainly is not.

The flip side of this “invitation to intimacy” behavior is when men send the images in order to upset and harass the recipient. This is especially prevalent on online social media and dating sites. Hard statistics are scarce, as no man wants to admit to this reprehensible behavior, but based on surveys it seems that over half of women in the US have received unsolicited images and have reportedly felt disrespected, disgusted, and violated. The object in the photo is usually a close-up, holding tree pose rather than downward dog, so it’s very aggressive which can be triggering for those who have experienced s*xual trauma in the past; it is a form of tech-facilitated s*xual harassment. The sender might dislike women and feel a sense of control over women that they don’t have in real-life interactions, as the photos were sent without the woman’s request or consent and often anonymously. Others with exhibitionist leanings, like the modern-day version of a creep jumping out of the bushes and opening his raincoat, may be searching for approval without showing his face or enjoy the thrill of eliciting any kind of reaction, even a negative one, from the recipient.

Sending priapic photos is undoubtedly in poor taste, but it is much more than that. It is a deplorable indignity to women. Luckily, in 2022 California passed the FLASH (Forbid Lewd Activity and Sexual Harassment) Act wherein harmed recipients can seek up to thirty-thousand dollars in civil damages from the sender and other states have followed suit.

I had hoped for a happier ending to my study of this phenomenon but sadly was left unsatisfied. Upon further reflection, maybe unsolicited and unwanted d*ck pics aren’t droll at all. Next time, and I pray there won’t be a next time, I won’t laugh before I Block and Report.