New art supplies, sketching sessions, drawing for my own youtube videos and livestreams, and taking a sketchbook with me everywhere I go. Man, I feel like I’ve been doing a whole lot of doodling and much of it on camera.
It always feels like I do my worst work when I’m being watched. I film and post on the internet, I livestream, I have Patreon videos to share with members. But the thing is, I signed up to do this, no one made me and nobody asked for it. And I get to make a lot of art…but for the most part, it’s all goofy art. Now this is a me problem for I have been actively choosing to make some of the most ridiculous looking drawings all in the name of entertainment and fun. Now, it’s not my goal to create masterpieces when I’m hosting a livestream or filming a video where the theme is to, quite literally, Draw Weird Things on my youtube channel or Patreon exclusive Weirdo Drawing Club videos. I actually have a ton of fun getting loose and silly and laughing about the absurdity of the subject matter and my attempts to capture the imagery on the pages of my sketchbook. Best of all, other art friends share what they drew with me and how they had a good chuckle while drawing. But the pressure is on and I feel the need to draw fast for fear of boring my viewer. A viewer who may be drawing along with me and might tire of me drawing too slow if I don’t keep moving at a break-neck speed! Also, if it’s not funny and there’s nothing to laugh at, why would they stick around to see anything that I’m doing? What’s in it for them? We’ll come back to that in a moment, but first, let’s see a tiny portion of what I’ve been sketching these last couple weeks:
Now, back to my thoughts about drawing silly things and saving all the pretty stuff for private drawing sessions:
Anything pretty you see in photos above was made when no one was looking. I have this fear that unless I’m creating something funny and keep folks laughing, no one will want to see it. I’m afraid people aren’t interested in pretty things coming from me. I’m sure this is just a big fat lie the dark side of my mind is using to keep me in my place. But what is my place? Who put me there? Sounds like I may have accidentally done it to myself.
As much fun as I have doing timed drawings of goofy things (and boy do I, it really is a hell of a lot of fun!) I’ve been considering doing a livestream of just drawing and painting other subject matter. Like, art making for art’s sake and not just for giggles (but I know me and there will probably be a giggle or two) Perhaps I could do a bird study, or draw mushrooms, moths, anything really. But this annoying critical voice tells me, nobody wants to watch you do that, silly girl. Pretty art making is for the serious artists who have collectors and lots adoring fans who run to buy their prints and cry when they all sell out! Pretty art making is reserved for the big time artists who have students scrambling to sign up for workshops, host art retreats, and share their expertise and captivate audiences everywhere! Not you, the funny gal who cracks jokes and doodles weird things.
In the world of social media and marketing, in order to attract attention, you need find your niche, make it your brand and stay within its parameters. Don’t color outside those lines unless you want people to roll their eyes and say “Ew, you’ve changed and I don’t like it. Nope, I’m not feeling this side of you. I liked you better when you drew puppies everyday and now you dared to draw what you ate for breakfast in today’s video/instagram post/substack. I’m unsubscribing from everything you do!”
Truth be told, I have worked very hard for many years building a real life brand and business based on my humorous drawings and musings and creating products that make folks giggle and feel seen. But I, like you and every human on the planet, am a multifaceted person.
I love to make all kinds of art and want to share those sides of my creative practice as well. Maybe they won’t get the same kind of appreciation as the funny stuff, but does that really matter? Does it mean I should just keep all the pretty pictures to myself? No, that seems silly. I considered for a moment if I should make a separate youtube channel and instagram account just for sharing work deemed “pretty and not funny”. But to hell with that.
I used to make a lot of videos on my channel making that kind of art and it wasn’t that long ago. It felt calming, cozy, and I am actually proud of those paintings and sketchbook spreads even if they didn’t garner much attention. But now that the drawing silly things has taken on a life of its own, sharing the pretty stuff now gives me a little pause. I don’t want people to think I’m taking myself all serious now. But is that even what someone would think? And if they did, well it’s not really my business. I feel squishy and pathetic when I think about all this and even more so sharing these thoughts with others, but it’s just what haunts my brain lately. And maybe getting it out makes it less scary.
So, I’m thinking it might be time to test the waters and see if I can allow myself the luxury of having an art making sesh where I just put the camera on and draw some pretty pictures. It’s not the most absurd idea I’ve had, that’s for sure but it does feel a little like baring my soul. I know I love watching others make lovely things so I’m sure someone out there in YouTube Land and the rest of the social media spots might find it enjoyable. Maybe I’ll even make some decent work while being watched…or maybe I won’t because I’m extra self conscious. Who knows? Who cares? Well, me a little bit. Ok, kind of a LOT. But I know I’d probably have a really good time. I’ll keep you posted… ;)
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