Dating Younger Men - The Pros And Cons

Dear Cindy, sorry for the random message. You are one of the only people I see who dates younger men.

I’ve been dating a guy 12 years younger than me for 4 months. It was very light and easy, I mentioned the age difference a few weeks ago and he seems to be spiralling from fear and emotionally detaching. I don’t know what to do. I want to continue things, but cannot hold the whole thing up. Have you experienced anything like this before?

I owe an apology to my wonderful Dear Cindy subscribers for my slight hiatus - I had a few weeks of stress and challenges on MakeLoveNotPorn combined with travel. I’m back on track!

Re this week’s question: I have, over the years, answered a number of questions about dating younger men:

Dear Cindy, How Do I Date Younger Men?

How Do I Find And Date (Nice) Young Men Like You Do?

How Do I Write A Great Profile For Cougar Dating Apps?

Do You Have A Lower Age Limit For The Guys You Date?

What About Sex With Younger Men Inspired You To Start MakeLoveNotPorn?

And I’m always very happy to, because I would like to see many more people adopt this particular relationship model.

But what to do when it goes wobbly?

Dear Questioner - I’m keen to help.

There is just one piece of information I’m missing here. When you say you mentioned the age difference a few weeks ago - was he aware from the start you were 12 years older, or do you mean he only learnt it when you mentioned it?

I wasn’t sure whether a) he learnt you were 12 years older a few weeks ago, or b) you mentioned the age difference and he might have thought you had an issue with it?

Either way, there is only one thing I recommend you do, and that is, to have a conversation about it.

I suggest sitting him down and being completely straightforward and honest from your side.

Maybe something along the lines of:

“I want you to know that <compliments about him go here> I’m having a lovely time with you. The sex is amazing. <Nobody doesn’t like being told that.> As far as I’m concerned, our age difference is only positive, and part of what makes this so much fun. When I mentioned it the other week, I got the impression it worries you more than it worries me. Is that the case?”

Have a chat about it, and see what he says.

To your question, I haven’t experienced anything like this before, but the younger men I date have always known exactly what our age difference is from the get-go. And by the way, it’s been frequently considerably greater than yours 🙂 My biggest age difference was 34 years, and he knew that and asked me out. (That was one special 19-year-old, and I remember him very fondly 😂)

I have, however, dated younger men who were self-conscious about what other people might think if they knew we were seeing each other (as well as men who absolutely were not).

As with everything else in life, communication is key.

Invite him to be open about what he’s thinking. And if for any reason what he’s thinking is getting in the way of the two of you having a fun time, I recommend leaving him to it.

I can promise you, there are many more lovely younger men out there, who consider themselves fortunate to get to date lovely older women like you and me ❤️

Cindy enthusiastically endorsing the fact that younger men should consider themselves extremely lucky to be dating you

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