How to negotiate—the friendly way

Welcome back to Words that Work, a 5-part series to help you become a dangerously effective communicator.

Here’s what we’ve covered so far:

1. How to get busy people to respond to your emails

2. How to handle interruptions, objections, and conflicts in any conversation or presentation

Here’s what we’re looking at in Part 3…

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In his book, How to Win Friends & Influence People, Dale Carnegie shares a story about how one his students used one of his principles (“begin in a friendly way”) to successfully negotiate a rent reduction with his stubborn landlord:

“He and his secretary came to see me as soon as he got my letter. I met him at the door with a friendly greeting. I fairly bubbled with good will and enthusiasm. I didn’t begin talking about how high the rent was.

I began talking about how much I liked his apartment house. Believe me, I was ‘hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.’ I complimented him on the way he ran the building and told him I should like so much to stay for another year but I couldn’t afford it.

He had evidently never had such a reception from a tenant. He hardly knew what to make of it. Then he started to tell me his troubles. Complaining tenants. One had written him fourteen letters, some of them positively insulting. Another threatened to break his lease unless the landlord kept the man on the floor above from snoring.

‘What a relief it is,’ he said, ‘to have a satisfied tenant like you.’

And then, without my even asking him to do it, he offered to reduce my rent a little. I wanted more, so I named the figure I could afford to pay, and he accepted without a word.

As he was leaving, he turned to me and asked, ‘what decorating can I do for you?’”

Imagine for just a quick second what the outcome would’ve been if the gentleman who wanted to get his rent reduced approached the property owner with an aggressive attitude…

How do you think it would’ve played out if he took the same old, fist-in-the-air, angry approach that most of the other tenants did when trying to get their rent reduced?

Probably not in his favor.

Instead, it was the friendly approach that won.

Let’s try to be like that a little more often when we’re working to get things done in our day-to-day lives.

You don’t have to be in the middle of a housing negotiation to use the principle of “beginning in a friendly way.” You can put it to use in any conversation or negotiation—in fact, I’d suggest you do.

Here’s how:

• Begin in a friendly way. When you’re dealing with challenging people, situations, or negotiations, be sure to start with a friendly approach whenever possible. Greet the other person warmly and show genuine enthusiasm. Share a genuine compliment with them before diving into your concerns.

• Show appreciation. Express gratitude for the other person’s work or contributions, especially if they’re in a position of authority. Acknowledging a person’s efforts can create a positive atmosphere and open the door for a constructive conversation.

• Look for common ground. Find common points of interest or shared goals that align with the other person’s interests. Point out how meeting your needs can also contribute to their objectives, fostering a sense of mutual benefit.

• Offer-up solutions. Instead of focusing only on your demands, present possible solutions that might address both of your needs. Always strive to make it a win-win for everyone.

• Redirect your emotions. Stay composed. Being calm and friendly (even if you’re having a hard time doing it) can go a long way towards getting to the outcome you want.

Stay dangerous,
—Dean

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