Why does contemporary society abuse women?

Caveat lector: This article discusses dark aspects of human behavior, chiefly assault in times of natural disaster and “civil unrest”. It ends on a dark and violent note. DO NOT READ it if you are sensitive or will be disturbed.

Sons, husbands, brothers of sisters, and fathers of daughters should all behave better than devolving into predators given the opportunity. There is not a male alive on this planet that does not fall into at least ONE of those categories. So why are girls and women still chronically abused?

I watched a video on YouTube this week.1 And it surfaces, very plainly, thoughts that have prompted silent, persistent primal screams in my mind through the years. Watching the wholesale degradation of the “civilized” part of our “Civilized Society” under the current regime has made the silencing of those screams a full time job on some days.

To be candid, I don’t know where this stream-of-consciousness journey is going to lead. Right now I’m experiencing word vomit triggered by anger, despair, and trepidation. Be mindful of my caveat lector.

Technically the video I watched was a comment video discussing two videos posted by a former humanitarian aid worker. The aid worker talked about the abuse inherent in times of political unrest and natural disaster. The commenter added further stories shared with her by a friend, a survivor of such abuse.

In the video, the aid worker cited a poem. “In Love and In War” by Warsan Shire2:

To my daughter I will say,
'when the men come, set yourself on fire'.

That’s it. The full poem. Fourteen words that say everything. I feel it viscerally. Painfully.

This poem? The words of the aid worker? The comments of the YouTuber? The raw truth of them, the raw evil of them, the raw testosterone poisoning of them… It all made my gut wrench so tightly I thought I might be sick.

I wonder how many men reading that poem will understand.

I wonder how many women reading that poem will not feel gut-punched.

The primary and vital truth the aid worker strived to impart was that it happens EVERY TIME there is “civil unrest” or natural disaster. Every time. In every part of the world. In every society.

In those frenetic times women and children are never safe. Not ever. Not in the chaos of the storm and not in the “safe havens” of relief that exist to help recover from the chaos.

These are crimes of opportunity. With increasing frequency, these are crimes of strategy.

The idea that ANY given man, presented with the opportunity, or directed by strategy, might shed the thin veneer of “civility” and embrace the baser devils of their natures in order to violate women and children - and even other men - without compunction is a thoroughly sickening thought. Physiologically, psychologically and emotionally wretched.

How have we as a society, and men specifically, not evolved beyond this?

In a world that has become technologically advanced enough to share beautiful photographs across the world in seconds, rewrite DNA to cure diseases, and fly living humans, animals and microbes into space and back again safely, HOW can this abuse still be an expression of primal urges???

But it is. Not only is this still a reality in this time of scholarly advancement and technological wonder, it is still commonplace. Unremarkable. A fact that society as a whole accepts as inevitable and sweeps aside with the barest regard. Some societies codify laws to protect the abusers.

For all that we are supposed to be a “civilized society”3, women are commonly beaten, raped, degraded, marginalized, discounted, intimidated, brutalized, manhandled (that word itself is a testimonial), murdered… I could write an article-length list of the atrocities and abuses women face and endure daily, in every society on earth.

And meanwhile in a dark corner of my thoughts there is always that scream…

What woman reading this doesn’t know exactly the scream I speak of?

Every time I read the words “Epstein Files”…

Every time I think of the women brutalized in occupied Ukraine…4

Every time I think of the entire generation of women raised in non-Taliban Afghanistan whose lives ended the day after US troops withdrew…5

Every time I think of the horrors the dedicated women of the armed forces put up with at the hands of their own comrades and leaders…6

Every time a male I have worked with has ridiculed and dismissed my ideas because they were not HIS ideas…

Every time I think of female vegetative patients in long-term care facilities suddenly “becoming” pregnant and “giving birth” after incubating the babies to full term…7

Every time I think of the women who have testified about abuse at the hands of sitting SCOTUS justices, and Cabinet members and all of the other political appointees during their confirmation hearings and the bastards STILL GOT CONFIRMED…

Every time a smarmy member of the manosphere claims “Your body MY choice!”…

Every time I see that lynchings and hangings of people of color are increasing in frequency…8

Every day as yet another right of women is systematically stripped, revoked or destroyed…

Every time I see men in positions of political power support making sex with girls on the cusp of puberty lawful…9

Every time lawmakers try to require genital inspections for girls…10

The silent scream is omnipresent. And when it breaks into my conscious thoughts I cover my face or I cover my mouth to try and keep it from escaping. I don’t always succeed.

I look around at what our fractured society has become under the current regime, and the probable chaos I can see building on the horizon, and I choke back the scream. I anticipate there will be a lot of opportunity for men to be corrupted by their baser demons if and when the conflicts of words and ideologies of our current political unrest become the physical conflicts and “civil unrest” cited by the aid worker.

The fact is there is nothing civil about it. And though there are many dedicated pacifists working daily to keep the unrest channeled into peaceful protest, this country has a trigger-happy populous. Within the US are legions of powder kegs, mere sparks away from violently exothermic reactions.

I don’t think it is in any way unreasonable to predict we may see the violence and chaos of “civil unrest” in the near future; Just the catalyst for the shameful behavior that sees men act on their worst intentions.

Women shouldn’t have to choose between enduring atrocities, and death.

Women should be prepared to band together and fight for their own safety and security. Women should be prepared to fight for their very lives. Women should not anticipate that any men will come to save or protect them.

We should save and protect OURSELVES. We should save and protect EACH OTHER.

I say “When the men come, hand me my flamethrower!”

Let us set THEM on fire until we run out of fuel. Let us be fully prepared to defend ourselves in close quarters. And if we must die with our bloody blades to their throats, let us loose our primal screams as war cries.

We will not be your strategy. We will not be your opportunity.

https://quillette.com/2018/02/24/behavioral-ecology-male-violence/

https://www.cvpsd.org/post/understanding-the-likelihood-of-violence-examining-various-threat-profiles

https://www.amu.apus.edu/area-of-study/criminal-justice/resources/what-is-opportunistic-crime/

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3908534/

https://www.usconcealedcarry.com/blog/riots-and-mobs-how-to-defend-yourself-and-stay-safe/

https://www.belfercenter.org/sites/default/files/pantheon_files/files/publication/annurev-polisci-041719-102620.pdf

https://www.belfercenter.org/publication/rape-during-civil-war

https://international-review.icrc.org/sites/default/files/irrc-894-wood.pdf

https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2022/jun/09/rape-used-systematically-by-forces-fighting-lebanon-civil-war-report-finds

https://gijn.org/resource/reporters-guide-to-investigating-war-crimes-conflict-related-sexual-violence/

https://www.jstor.org/stable/j.ctt3fhfgp

https://www.un.org/en/peace-and-security/page/conflict-related-sexual-violence

https://www.unwomen.org/sites/default/files/Headquarters/Media/Publications/UNIFEM/EVAWkit_06_Factsheet_ConflictAndPostConflict_en.pdf

https://reliefweb.int/report/guinea/civil-unrest-guinea-leads-rapes-women-and-children