HOW TO REINVENT YOURSELF

The government will teach you how to become someone else.

All you have to do is snitch on a cartel.

The safest man in America is a snitch.

The witness protection program has never had a single casualty among members who followed the rules.

Created in 1971, run by the US Marshals, it has protected roughly 19,000 people,

and the majority of its clientele is made up of murderers, cartel members, drug runners, pushers, heisters, pimps,

all members of the criminal underworld who switched.

Working in a jail woke me up to how rare loyalty is,

and these motherfuckers when it benefits them will flip on you at the drop of a flop. Flip flop flip flop.

I guarded one of these cartel guys who had been in the program.

During his time back in the free world he committed a crime again (SURPRISE I KNOW), wound his ass back up in jail, and on his release date he would re enter the program again.

I had this inmate on cleaning duty. One night while he was mopping the tier floors by my desk he started talking. I mean snitches do snitch on themselves too…

lucky for you, your humble author has perfect recall.

“Hombre it is crazy when you enter the program.”

“I got released on some charges and they put me in it.”

“I was in a hotel room and they brought me my new name.”

“What they call you, taco man? Juan?”

“Christopher…” he says between swipes of the mop frowning.

“Okay but changing your name isn’t bulletproof taking you off the map, how did they never find you?”

He leaned on the mop handle and gave me the protocol. New city, picked because zero people there had ever heard his laugh. Forbidden from going home. Forbidden from one single phone call to the old life. And he told me the guys who die are the homesick ones. They fly back for a funeral, and the funeral doubles.

A new identity thrown into old environments dies.

It takes time to mold to your face and walk comfortably in it.

You start improving yourself, deciding you are a new version, yet you go home over Thanksgiving and the same ol people start pulling you down and back into old ways.

Crabs snatching at the bucket, pulling you down.

Stop staring at me without blinking. YOU ARE OK. I CAN GET YOU OUT.

Are you tired of being you?

Well I was, and I have figured out a system for unshackling yourself from that old identity.

I used to work in a fucking jail staring at gray concrete walls until my eyes started to fucking bleed, screaming my way to work and toying with a glock on my off days… tastes like pennies if you were wondering.

But I escaped that life narrowly with my soul intact.

I became the Day you know and love to hate or hate to love, in Hawaii and the rest of the world.

I have come home many times and my identity hasn’t slid off yet. I pulled at this thing and the fucker is set tight to my face. I have, as you would say, thank you Government, REINVENTED MYSELF.

Yea. I reinvented myself right out of your fucking four walled barred hell.

If you choose to read ahead and follow these protocols you are making a choice of your own volition. This can cause extreme identity shock and dissociation. You will lose yourself. Whether you find your treasure will be up to you. I can only show you the map.

I had to ascend through insanity to find me.

If you are content with who you are, surrounded by people who love you exactly as you are, and you have no desire to disturb that peace, do not read ahead.

This is for wolves. The sheep can fuck on off back to the grass.

I am not advising you to kiss everyone you know goodbye. Your old self will have to though, and the new one will come through the door and reintroduce himself to them.

Free Sheep, this is where I lose you.

Wolves follow me into the den, pour up, cheers.

LETS GOOOOOOOOOOWWLL

The old you is watching you read this. He is screaming and scared. Yes, he is the voice telling you to save this for later….