“why WOULDN’T you get a smart watch?”

Once upon a time, I was with who I would consider my non-blood brothers. At least, I’m pretty sure we haven’t swapped blood accidentally. But that’s another story. One of these brothers took notice of my watch. An Apple Watch Seires 9 in midnight blue or something like that. I got it used super cheap. He did so after I mentioned that I have a good watch and he said “THAT’S NOT A WATCH, that’s a COMPUUUUTA”. (I may have exaggerated the exact spelling). And of course, I immediately began defending the countless uses of the mighty apple watch including an advanced ECG capability, waterproofness to the depths of a pretty deep bay, and something to do with tapping your features which felt revolutionary when they pitched it in the apple keynote. Little did I know one year later that I would take a different opinion and end up on a different side of the argumentative fence.

Apple keynotes events are somewhat of a tradition with my mother. We would watch them together and see what’s new and exciting that we eventually would most likely buy. She used to work at the Apple Store and I simply loved everything Apple stood for. From intentional design to sustainability and creativity. Every year in the olden days of the early 2000s, they would herald a new page in the canon of Apple. And when the first watch was unveiled, I actually already had one. I took one of the square touchscreen iPod nanos and made a makeshift wristband that gave me the ability to run with my wired headphones. So cool. But I obviously was so excited to see a real apple watch materialize in the real world. It felt like the obvious next step in technology, and the benefits seemed incredible.

In the next ten iterations of the watch, Apple started to feature stories of the apple watch saving lives. Literally. From “life-alert” style emergency calling (remember that? lol) to a-fib monitoring that got someone to diagnose a serious disease. It seemed like this device should be strapped onto everyone so we can all benefit from safeguards that can save our lives. And I believed that, maybe not ever saying it explicitly out loud, but I felt it was true. And then I went to a Lucy Darling show.

If you don’t know who she is, look up her up today. She’s amazing. Donning a hilarious character without breaking, sort of like a sultry Andy Kaufman in a dress. She has spent her life entertaining and helping people laugh and is one of my favorite comedians. At one point, she mentioned that she loves doing up close magic and went into the isles of the audience asking for different types of rings for the trick. Like, rings for fingers, not like sonic rings. She asked for a smart ring and when she found one she asked “Ok now how long have you had this ring?'“ They answered like a year or so. “Ok now have you learned anything useful from wearing it?” And they just started laughing along with everyone else and myself.

I uncovered a rigid belief that I just need to add more wearables to be healthier, more connected, and more mindful. I never consciously thought about it out loud, but the jolt of perspective Lucy Darling provided that night kicked me out of the rut I built. I didn’t gain a single meaningful insight from wearing an apple watch, and I’ve been wearing them for over 10 years.

But I want to be clear. I’m not just swapping one rigid belief for another. Saying that all smart watches are pointless also looks over the legitimate reasons people get them. Primarily those who are prone to heart conditions, have difficulty recovering from falls, and perhaps those with developmental issues that are prone to wandering off. These are legit reasons these smart watches can provide necessary features for those that need it. Instead, I’m now more flexible in my personal attitude towards smart watches.

I got a “dumb watch”. It’s features include showing the current time and glowing in the dark. And I feel so much more calm. I realized that I was being trained like a dog when I would hear a notification. I know this because even still today, when I hear a sound that sounds like the apple watch buzzing, I look at my dumb watch expecting a notification. And I take a moment to pause, exhale, and remind myself I don’t need to check anything right now. And BOY does that feel good.

So I thank my non-blood brother, I thank Lucy Darling, and I thank being wrong. Because now I feel just a little less dependent on something I was never dependent on before. Not angry, not spiteful, just happier because I got rid of a personally useless ding & ping device.