Becoming average is how life becomes hard.
It’s a safe, lackluster, doubt-filled disaster that erodes your confidence each time you choose comfort over growth. Don’t do it. It’s a stress trap.
That’s because your brain, specifically the emotional brain and amygdala, is designed to protect you from danger. And when it looks at your life and sees average skills, average capacity, average ability to handle hard things, it asks one question: “How can I trust this person to handle above-average stress?”
It can’t.
You can do better than average by changing your relationship with stress.
Psychologist Kelly McGonigal says,
“The best way to manage your stress is not to reduce or avoid stress, but rather to rethink and even embrace it.”
Your job is to befriend stress, not fight it.
I’m going to help you do it in the next 6 months. Here’s the system below.
The average person spends their entire life avoiding hard things. They avoid the difficult conversation. They avoid the project that challenges them. They avoid going to the gym. And then they wonder why life feels so hard.
Here’s the truth: Life is full of challenging moments that you can’t escape from.
If you only do easy things, those challenging moments stay hard forever. But if you do hard things regularly, life naturally becomes easier.
Dr. Andrew Huberman, neuroscientist at Stanford: “The key to becoming more resilient is to deliberately expose yourself to controlled amounts of stress and learn to manage your internal state.”
Your emotional brain doesn’t believe affirmations. It believes evidence.
Do hard things on purpose.
Not occasionally.
Not when you feel ready.
At least three times a week.
Each time you choose the hard thing, you’re building proof. Proof that discomfort doesn’t break you. Proof that your emotional brain can trust when the next hard moment comes.
Do them even when you don’t feel ready. Especially when you don’t feel ready.
That’s how you stop being average.
And let’s be honest, showing that you can do hard things that the average person can’t also makes you more attractive.
Your comfort zone is where your capacity stops growing.
The average person thinks stepping out of their comfort zone is something you do once in a while. When you’re feeling brave. When the stars align.
That’s why they stay average.
I love how Brené Brown says: “You can choose courage or you can choose comfort, but you cannot choose both.”
The comfort zone isn’t fixed. It’s dynamic.
The more you try to avoid stepping out of your comfort zone, the more your brain will be trained to stress when life asks for more.
But if you regularly step into discomfort, it expands.
Have the conversation you want to avoid
Post the vulnerable thing online
Speak up in the meeting when your heart is pounding
Try the workout class that intimidates you
Every time you step into discomfort, you teach your emotional brain to be resilient.
Once a week, do something that stretches you beyond your comfort zone.
This is how you step beyond the average. Not by reading about it. By doing it. Weekly. Until fewer things bring you discomfort.
The average person comes home from work and immediately reaches for something to numb the discomfort.
Netflix
Alcohol
Staying busy
Doom scrolling
These aren’t stress management strategies. They’re coping mechanisms that postpone the discomfort.
Postponed stress accumulates and gets unleashed onto the people around you. Your family. Your friends. The people who deserve the best of you.
Instead, create space to release stress before you walk through the door.
Every day after work, make time to let go of whatever stress you’re holding on to. Go for a walk. Run. Hit the gym. Sit in silence. Listen to music.
To let the stress move through you instead of carrying it home.
Two hours fully present is infinitely more valuable than four hours with stress running the show in the family moments that matter most.
Personally, I’d prefer that over waking up one day without anyone to be present with.
Every single day.
15 minutes minimum. Sometimes longer. But never skip it.
When the hard, unexpected, uncomfortable moments hit, the average person seeks distraction. Social media. Staying busy. Anything to make the feeling go away.
Don't let that be you. Learn to be with the discomfort without trying to escape it.
Dr. Judson Brewer said:
“The paradox is that when we stop trying to get away from our stress and instead turn toward it with curiosity, it often naturally dissipates.”
You can be stressed and still be present. Still make good decisions. Still show up for the people who matter.
Every time you sit with stress instead of numbing it, your emotional brain learns:
I can sit with discomfort and not need to escape it
I can be with myself instead of avoiding myself
I can feel stressed and not fall apart
Practice this regularly. When the discomfort comes, sit with it. Feel it. Stay with it. Prove to your emotional brain that stress won’t break you.
There’s a Japanese idiom: “The nail that sticks out gets hammered down.”
Many people live by this. They keep their heads down. They blend in. They stay average. Because being above average can be a recipe for stress.
And they’re right. When you stick out, people notice. They judge. They criticize. They try to hammer you back down.
But the ones who choose to be more than average, who stick out and don’t get knocked down by the stress? They’re the ones who are rewarded.
They’re the ones that attract the best opportunities and relationships.
Not because they avoided the stress of standing out. But because they built the capacity to handle it.
Do it 1 time, do it 10 times, do it 100 times and you start becoming someone who can stick out without getting knocked down.
Someone who can handle the criticism. The judgment. The pressure that comes with being above average.
The average person avoids sticking out because they can’t handle the stress.
But you're not here to stay average. You're here to build evidence that you are capable of handling above-average stress.
So stick out. Be the nail that doesn’t get hammered down.
The last part? Do the simple things average people think are too basic to matter.
To stop struggling with stress in 6 months, do this:
Focus on being present with family
Eat food that gives you energy
Find joy in the little moments
Help people who need it
Learn instead of scroll
Move your body daily
Compliment others
Believe in yourself
This list may sounds too simple, but doing what 99% of people won’t do is how you stop being average.
If the average person did these things for 6 months, they’d be unrecognizable.
Not because stress disappeared. But because they proved to their brain that they’re more than average. That they can handle above-average stress with resiliency.
Your friends and family will say “Wow, there’s something different about you.” Amazing. Let them notice.
Because you’re not managing stress anymore. You’re using it.
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