How to Not Lose Yourself After a Layoff

There were 4,800 layoffs at Microsoft this month. Over 160,000 across tech in 2026.

That number doesn’t even begin to capture the impact. Add in partners, kids, the people who depend on them, and you’re looking at hundreds of thousands of people feeling hopeless, lost, and unsure of what’s next.

I know that feeling. I went through my first layoff in 2013.

But I also know it doesn’t have to stay that way.

I recently posted about this on LinkedIn, and the response caught me off guard. Not just the views, but the messages. So many people reaching out needing help, wanting to know they’re not alone in this.

So I put together a list. 50+ ideas pulled from my own experience bouncing back in 2013, rebuilding myself more times than I can count since, and supporting others through some of the hardest chapters of their lives: layoffs, divorces, family loss, and more.

This isn’t a resume guide. It’s not going to teach you how to interview.

But it will share ideas that will help you come back to your best self. So that the loss of a job doesn’t cost you more than already did. Your identity. Your self-esteem. Your health. The relationships that matter most.

What I truly believe is that:

It won’t be a lack of opportunity that will prevent you from finding the next job. It will be stress, avoiding hardship, and fleeting confidence.

My hope is that this list gives you support and the guiding light you need to move into what’s next with greater clarity.

I know 50+ ideas is a lot. Take what helps today, save it to come back to the rest whenever you need it.

Lead with Love Over Hate

Keep this in mind as you read what comes next. Heal, grieve, forgive, let go, move on for your own sanity. Don’t do it for them (company, managers, haters). Do it for your family, do it for your future. Holding onto hate and grief will cause you to project it onto others, ruin relationships, and is such an unrewarding and stress triggering way to live.

I read a LinkedIn post about someone who was awarded the Platinum Club award, the highest yearly accolade given to the top 1% of sales performers at Microsoft, and got laid off shortly after.

This is your reminder that layoffs are almost never about your performance, your worth, or anything you did wrong. It may feel very personal, but remember that

You get to choose whether to make it personal.
You get to choose to feel like you’re enough.

The last few years have been rough on all of us. The pandemic, layoffs, and impossible expectations have brought out the worst in many of us. Your manager, and their managers, were likely in survival mode just as much as you, if not more. They have families, people they’re responsible for, decisions they had to make to protect themselves.

We don’t have to condone their actions to understand that they’re human too. How they treated you has less to do with you and more to do with what they’ve had to survive themselves.

Competition is higher than ever, not just for the workforce, but for companies too. This has pushed many companies into a state of survival so they don’t become redundant themselves. We know that people don’t make their best decisions from a place of survival. And the company you worked for is led by real people, just trying their best to survive.

The quickest way to ruin this next phase of your career is by bringing your unresolved grief from your former job into the new one. Best case, you get hired under a manager who can empathize with what you went through. Worst case, you project your unhealed wounds onto the new connections you need to succeed.

Take the time to move through and mourn the loss you experienced. Heal so you can feel the full experience of life again, and attract abundance from a place of spaciousness.

It bears repeating. You’re doing this for your own peace of mind, so you can operate from a place of clarity. It’s not really about forgiving those who hurt you. It’s about creating space for your confidence to shine, for your future, for attracting opportunity and connection.

Hi, I’m Dat! I help people navigate change through the most stressful periods of their life. Finding this helpful? Subscribe or upgrade to follow along.

Mindset Matters

You may notice doubt start to ruminate in your brain as time goes on. But doubt is the number one thing that triggers your stress response. Look at it this way… why would your brain trust you if you don’t trust yourself? Every time you doubt your ability to handle a situation, your brain responds with a stress response, trying to “power you up” to face it.

Belief is the number one thing that alleviates your stress response. When you believe in yourself, your mind follows suit. Every time you lead with belief, your mind steps aside so you can operate from a place of clarity, free of stress.

When your mind creates “what if” scenarios, it’s trying to plan ahead from a place of doubt and concern, aka survival. It’s looking for evidence that you need to be stressed. When this happens, counter it by naming 2-5 reasons why you’re amazing and will be fine to create reassurance in your mind.

Example: “What if I can’t find a job?” → “I have enough financial security to be fine for X months. I’m a badass and it’s not if, it’s just a matter of when. My faith will get me through this. I’ve gotten through tougher times than this.”

Your mind is not your enemy. Make it your enemy and it will respond with stress. Its top priority is to help you and your family survive this layoff, whether rational or not. Acknowledge the mean or demoralizing things it says, then reassure it that everything will be okay.

There will be many moments your brain tries to take the easy, comfortable, lazy path. Remember, you have way more control over your mind than it has over you.

Acknowledge its desire for comfort, but stick with what’s true: you are capable, amazing, strong, and facing hardship will make you stronger.

Your worth is not based on your career. Your worth is not based on being laid off. There is way more to you than the job you just lost. This is the perfect time to discover that version of you.

The other side of this layoff can look like a dry desert, or it can look green with more opportunity than you can imagine.

You GET to attract the side you want.

Wallowing in a “why me” mentality doesn’t help anyone. It happened to you because you were, unfortunately, in the wrong place at the wrong time. A much better question: “why not me?” Operating from that perspective enables growth.

Fear-based decisions, taking the first offer out of panic, judging yourself for not being enough, tend to cost you more long-term. Slow down enough to choose from clarity, not fear.

Zoom out. Years from now, this will be one chapter you look back on, not the whole book. Let that perspective loosen the grip of this moment.

Share it with someone who might need this right now.
Let them know you’re thinking of them.

Share

You need community

When you’re around people committed to change, it’s contagious. It makes you want to be better. It reminds you of the endless possibilities available to you. One job seeker said to me, “I wish there was some group where people can talk about this”. And you know what? There are, you have the power to find or create them.

You are the average of the people you surround yourself with. No offense to them, but when you’re around people who doubt themselves, you’ll find it hard not to doubt yourself too.

Your brain doubts others as a form of self-protection. Ironically the more you let your brain doubt others, the more you enable it to doubt yourself. They’re not the problem, your mind’s need to sow distrust and doubt is. Don’t be that person please.

Build a habit on intentionally look for reasons to believe in other people’s ability to overcome hardship, to fail hard, fall in the arena, and still get back up stronger every time. The more you find this in others, the more your own brain starts to believe it for yourself.

Helping them will not take away from your own opportunities. Yes, it may be hard to find a job right now, but the people in your network aren’t your competition. They’re your support network. There’s more than enough to go around, for them and for you.

Remind everyone you know how much of a badass they are, even when they feel like they’re at their worst. Your belief in them will help them believe in themselves with less stress triggering moments. Better yet, go surround yourself with people who will do this with you.

People who feel appreciated are far more likely to go above and beyond to help you. When reaching out, lead with gratitude. Tell them one specific moment or reason you’re appreciative of them. I promise this will help you learn to appreciate yourself more.

Remember that you are your own #1 person, so don’t forget about you too.

Starting change when you’re feeling hopeful is easy. Staying accountable when you’re at your worst is nearly impossible. Invest in groups and communities who inspire you to change, who lift you up when you’re down, and who you can inspire in return.

Look, not to be rude, your family and close friends are the worst accountability partners. They know you best, but they’re also the most likely to build resentment and create unhealthy pressure when you don’t meet expectations. Instead, find neutral third parties like coaches, mentors, or communities who have no emotional stake in your day-to-day life. Fitness clubs and alumni groups are a few examples.

People who show desperation on LinkedIn are courageous and strong. It shows they’re willing to do what it takes to support themselves and their family. It can actually be an attractive trait, since it also signals their willingness to advocate for whoever employs them next.

People can’t help you if they don’t know you need help. You’re far more likely to attract what you ask for. Put yourself out there, post on LinkedIn, reach out to strangers, reconnect with old peers, rather than just cold applying. This will increase the odds of finding not only the next opportunity, but the right one too.

Every action you take supports other people who are job searching, empowers them, and improves their reach. It costs you nothing to do that, and remember, what goes around comes around.

Resonate deeply or have a question? Share it so others can learn with you.

Leave a comment

Rebuilding Confidence

Write down 10 things you’ve had to go through, survived, and came back stronger afterwards. Parenting. Separation. Loss. Starting over in a new city. Global chaos and division. Literally surviving the pandemic. Let this be a great reminder of your ability to rise through any challenge life sends at you.

Instead of letting your brain think “I’ve been through so much already, I can’t go through another hard thing” (stress inducing), flip it. If you’ve been through those 10 things, that’s 10 real, evidence-based experiences proving you can and will get through this too (stress alleviating).

If job searching is the hardest thing you’re doing, your brain will resist it with all of its willpower. Make a choice to pick up a new hobby, or double down in a current one that’s mentally, physically, or emotionally more challenging than job searching. Cross fit, run clubs, improv courses, dance classes, sauna. It’ll make the job search feel easier by comparison.

Without realizing it, you were building confidence and self-esteem through micro-moments at work, every deliverable completed, every stakeholder supported, every small win. All of that disappears once you separate from work. Finding a new job matters, but investing time in building your confidence and staying grounded is just as important, if not more.

It’s easy to measure this season only by job offers, which can take months to land. Track the smaller wins too: putting yourself out there, completing a course, choosing the hard path over the easy one.

Having a full-time job in a competitive environment tested your comfort zone every day, which allowed it to expand to meet the challenges. One of the biggest risk of being unemployed is getting too comfortable. A smaller comfort zone means more things will stress you out in the future. Don’t let this happen.

The more you avoid, fight, or distract yourself from stress, the weaker you get, mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. Instead, accept that life will have stressful moments, especially after a layoff, and take action to get better at handling it until the things that used to stress you out or your family because of YOUR stress no longer do.

If you’re stress-avoidant, your mind and body will resist change with all of its might. Change is hard and stress inducing because you’re creating a new identity. The harsh reality is you’re now in a peak season of change. But remember that you’ve been through harder things, and you’ve got this.

Hardship is just hardship. It doesn’t have to equal stress. You can’t choose how hard life is, but you can choose how your mind and body respond to it, through your everyday actions.

The average person spends their time avoiding hard things. But your mind believes in action and inaction. Every hard thing you do on purpose right now, especially while things already feel hard, builds proof that you can handle more than you think.

Unstructured days are one of the fastest ways to lose momentum and self-worth. Wake up, get dressed, and start your day like you have somewhere to be, because you do.

LOVE what you’re reading and want to see more?
Upgrade to the paid subscription to support my work and get access to my stress course.

Invest in Yourself

If you’re not investing in yourself, why would an employer invest in you? If you’re frugal and don’t believe you’re worth investing in, why would others believe you’re worth their time? Playing it safe and going into survival mode will do you more harm than investing in new hobbies, skills, and building communities.

We all make excuses when we have no free time because of work. That excuse is gone now. Starting a new habit is stressful because you also need to grasp the loss of your old identity. Use this extra time is the chance to work through that identity change, building supportive habits now so it becomes a gift to your future self.

Invest in a coach, therapist, or community that keeps you accountable. Money is one of the biggest motivators and accountability tools there is. The more you invest, the more you’ll do everything in your power to get the greatest return on that investment. Growth leads to higher self-confidence and market value.

When you spend money on your growth, it signals to your brain that you’re worthy of investment. It improves your self-confidence and increases your chances of attracting better opportunities.

Don’t let the discomfort of the job search isolate you from your communities. Learning to be comfortable without distraction is so important. Invest in a new hobby that trains your mind to be present, like yoga or meditation. Your family will feel more seen when you give them the gift of your presence even through uncomfortable moments and will love you more for this.

Let’s be honest, the greatest regret most people have in life isn’t how much money they made. It’s how much time they didn’t spend being present with family because of work. Use this moment to be more present and repair damaged relationships with the people you love.

There are going to be many uncomfortable things coming your way as you navigate this job loss, build a new identity, and find a new job. Be intentional about picking up a hobby that creates intense pressure, and use it to teach yourself to regulate your mind and body.

Ask for help and go find for people to help you. It is worth the investment in time, energy, and budget. You are not meant to do this work alone. I mean, I have no doubt you can figure it out yourself through costly trial & error in due time.

But time is not your friend here, and I promise you that you will actualize your next dream future much sooner by getting help from others.

Networking as an Introvert

Yes, socializing can be harder and more stressful as an introvert. But socializing is a skill you can build. I can’t promise it’ll ever stop feeling stressful. But I do know that the more you do it intentionally, the better you’ll get at it, and the less stressful it becomes over time.

Going hermit mode is comfortable, I know. But doing it too much will cause you to lose your ability to socialize over time. Be intentional about attending a networking event once a week, or even once a month, to practice, practice, practice winning people over.

The worst time to practice your social skills is in an interview. Literally. It’s a recipe for high risk, high shame, being jobless for too long. Practice this skill intentionally in low-risk environments first like at a networking event.

Being able to thrive in community and with others is not a preference. It’s a skill, and probably one of the best ones you can develop if you want to thrive in any workplace. You are more than capable of this. You’ve got this.

Want to practice your socializing skills?
Send me a message and feel free to be bold about it!

Keeping the Family Grounded

The more you doubt yourself, your future, your own power, the more it triggers doubt and fear in the people who depend on you. Believe in yourself, and believe in their ability to get through hardship too.

The more you worry about whether your family can handle this version of you, the more it causes them to worry about their future with you. Reassure them that everything will be okay, no matter how hard things get.

A simple formula: anxiety rises the more doubtful you are, and falls the more confident you are in your ability to handle a situation. The more anxious you are, the more it triggers anxiety in your family. Invest in yourself. Do what you need to do to show up with confidence and strength.

The more you reassure your family that things will be okay, the more they’ll believe it too. Your calm becomes their calm. Your certainty grounds their certainty.

The more you believe in yourself, the more your brain believes in you. The more your family believes in you. And just as importantly, the more your next employer will too. Believe, believe, believe.

Stay hopeful even on the darkest days. Hope isn’t just spiritual woo woo. Hope leads to belief, belief leads to trust, and trust leads to your brain stepping aside so you can operate from a place of clarity.

Again, do not rely on your family for accountability. Do not expect them to support, love, and hold you accountable all at once. That’s too much burden on them. Losing your job isn’t what will cost you your relationships with them. Over reliance and not taking the opportunity to build good stress habits and community support will be.

Honestly, I’m not sure what I was hoping for by writing this. But something in me felt called to share a few of the things that came to mind as I saw the need for it. Remember that:

Self-doubt leads to stress, stress leads to bad decisions, bad decisions will not land you your dream job.

Belief leads to confidence, confidence leads to clarity, clarity is what will lead you to the future that’s waiting for it.

Knowing is one thing. Applying it, and being held accountable to it, is another.

Reach out if there’s anything I can do to support you or if you’re interested in joining one of my coaching cohorts. I know, without a doubt, that it’ll change your life in more ways than you’d expect.

If there’s one thing I want you to take away it’s:

You’ve got this.

Coach & Keynote Speaker
+ Unicorn of a human
Dat Tran