More than one truth

I used to write almost daily. I haven’t, for a long time. I used to live my passions with genuine joy. I used to have a dream that I then put down, to follow life down a very different path. In this past version of my life I started to create, what was in essence a beautiful, authentic space for women in need of both momentary escape and meaningful connection to come together.

I have lived many versions of myself, and the past almost decade has been the version I have enjoyed the least. Despite the turmoil and frequent episodes of raw silent anguish- and often anguish that was loud and messy- one small flickering light remained. This flicker, though faint and distant, was a reminder that the pieces of the truest version of me were still there. Just a reminder, not yet a call to action. Something to hold on to when all I could hold on to was hope.

One of the foundations of the brand created over 10 years ago is about giving yourself permission. Permission to fall apart, to heal, to be true to who you are. Essentially, to grab life by the horns and just live it as you are – Dare to Live! The flicker has gotten brighter, more distinct and now I find myself pulled upright to attention again, to a calm, certain voice, reminding me to give myself permission to try again.

Over the past 10 years I have barely read a book let alone put finger to keyboard – as it were- for my own writing. One day you have talents, and interests, passions and daily habits that are comforting and self-driven and the next day you can’t remember the last time you sang out loud, finished a book you enjoyed, cooked a new meal you came up with yourself, or laughed hysterically and genuinely felt it. There came a point when I woke up to a life that felt heavier, a few shades darker, conversations a little more forced; relationships of all sorts still there, but with a slight brush of strain or an undertone of forced effort. Not like before.

A lot of life has happened, and I have lived and survived through much difficulty. Along the way I believed I had lost my passions and talents of previous versions of me; lost my flair for the creative, believing my struggles and oftentimes giving in to them, meant I no longer had anything of value left to offer; believing that it just wasn’t me anymore. Maybe I have lost parts of me along the way; this may be true. However, more than one truth can exist at the same time. I am here now with the same passion and focus, just a different lens. The same drive, but on a different platform. The same desire to give, but with a different - stronger, more resilient version of me doing the offering.

The grittiest courage is not in the start- but in the re-start. The return. The coming back.

Today I stand taller; changed yes, a work in progress yes – as I hope always to be – in a life that looks very different to where I was 10 years ago. While I stand with a few more edges, I also stand with reclaimed dreams, drive and the truest pieces of who I am holding me tall. There has been a pause on the dream not a giving up. A waiting not a failing. Two truths, always in co-existence that I have worked around to get me here - fear and power.

This was always the version of me that would be ready. Dare to Live! Reimagined.