Sticking Around School

When I rebranded this space as MSsays, I said my walking stick forced me out of the multiple sclerosis closet. My disability is now visible for all to see, even if many already saw something was amiss. But I spent the summer learning how to use the stick and slowly accepting my fate as Cane Guy. I mastered summer vacation! But now it’s September, real life, and I’m facing all the people who matter. School is a huge percentage of those who populate my daily life. It’s a whole new kind of Out.

According to district propaganda, Cambridge Public Schools has over 1800 staff members. Fewer were at the city-wide “Colloquium,” but plenty witnessed my debut as Teacher with Cane. Those pre-service days were a lot to process, but I only had a few days before welcoming 95 new sixth graders, plus another 200 older kids, most of whom I’ve already taught. Nobody seems to care about my stick, but they all noticed. How could they not? I told the sixth grade my left leg doesn’t work as well as my right, and the stick keeps me from falling over. All true! Older kids may remember half of that speech from shorts days when my leg brace half outed me.

Sixth graders seem nonplussed. If older kids in the building give me any thought, maybe they assume my situation has deteriorated. Ding ding! It’s called PROGRESSIVE MS not because of Teddy Roosevelt. And I might have a mantra of MY CANE IS VICTORY, NOT DEFEAT, but anyone who sees me on stairs might wonder how I define victory. Kids and adults at school have been almost universally wonderful, 99% perfect (one eighth grader pointed at the cane and said: You’re old! You’re old!) but I hate that I’m more likely to inspire pity than a year ago.

We’re now in week 3, and I’m slowly melding my identity as Teacher with Cane with the RUNAWAY SMASH that is Mr. Tobin. English class is in full swing, and I’ve found myself teaching without the stick. I walk during lessons sans assistive device, and it feels right. It wasn’t a conscious choice, it just started happening, and I’m keeping at it until it doesn’t feel right. The cane is always nearby.

But I use it more for hallways, or negotiating the minefields of a backpack- and chair-strewn classroom. Because my hand is now occupied with my pole (huh huh) I carry a backpack to meetings to schlep computer and coffee. With pack and stick, I feel like I’m going on expedition. To Advisory Meeting!

Last year’s wobbly walk is this year’s entry-level disability, and I’m fully on display to any and all. Nobody seems to care but me, and that’s great. But I have work to do. I need to learn how to Be Okay with My Outitude, I’ll be trying all year. Luckily as a teacher, I’m very good at compartmentalizing. Soldier on, confront feelings on weekends or vacations. For now, on with the show!

Share

From now on, one longer MSsay, one Urban Blah, c’est tout. Jam of the Week and My Back Pages are going the way of The Week in Dog Poo, The WB network, The Boston Phoenix, land-line telephones, political civility, etc. Also, the schedule will now be every couple of weeks, or as regularly as I can assemble something worth your time.

I collaborated with the brilliant Vee to make a webcomic (2009-11) that failed to become syndicated across the globe. I’m still super proud of it, I like it being seen, and I am pro-recycling.

Here was my description in thet pitch email from Mar 18, 2009:

Onion clutching a variety of fun toys (laptop, Guitar Hero controller, remote control, etc your choice)

I remember how important Guitar Hero once was. Of course, Lovisa sent a fingers-only video of herself playing something I couldn’t, so maybe others were more obsessed. Or just better at video games. As for the rest, the Awesome Wife had a BlackBerry, I was a Treo guy. The ping-pong paddle I want to believe was a Jerk reference, but our thread was titled “Paddle game,” so I’m guessing there was other relevance. Regardless, she nailed it on the first try, the facial expression is dead on.