reflections on living well
To make this world work, it takes all different kinds We all have different tastes, different strengths, different minds Kimya Dawson At a hostel in Seattle, I signed up for the city tour led by one of the hostel workers. He was balding, and his remaining clutch of occipital hair was dyed bright purple. Continue reading Use Change
An unexpected knock came at our door on Father s Day. I opened the door just a crack, as our dog Mango is big and high-energy when new people first arrive. I want to congratulate the fathers said the man at the door. This was my first father s day being a father myself, so part of Continue reading Existential denial salesman
In college and med school, I d check out hundreds of library books. When it came time to return the books at the end of the year, I d lug them back to the library in boxes. Needless to say, I hadn t read most of them. Nowadays, I ve given myself a rule at the library: check out Continue reading Info-hoarding
“Because my eyes are not yet accustomed to the desert,” the boy said. “I can see things that eyes habituated to the desert might not see.” -- Pablo CoehloI buy diapers at TargetLess than a weekAfter becoming a dadAt my car, I snap a selfie"I guess I'm that guy now" I thinkBut the emotion of Continue reading Newreal
When I look back at a period of my life and think to myself: I spent my time well, then I m filled with a sense of meaning. If I look back and think: I wasted my time, then I m filled with regret. In this way, meaning and regret are both BACKWARD-LOOKING emotions. And they re opposites. Continue reading What feeling will time leave me with?
Universe bloomWe are small in time and spaceBut how to see itHow to really feel it?How to infuse the medicineOf my smallnessInto my veins?Copernicus told us we're not the centerBut stillWe feel like we areToday --The sweeping of the floorThe chopping of the vegetables The "have to do's"Today --Is best approachedNot from a yarnOf "not Continue reading Universe Bloom
No different from the banana treeStreaks of grey in my hairWrinkes on my faceChips in my teethTurning yellowPlanted a banana treeAnd now, a year later, it's deadBut dozens of keikiAre growingAll aroundI used to lamentThe wrinkles and the greyThe tooth decay"We love to forgetabout impermance"Says my friendA teenager at the danceSays I'm strong like a Continue reading No different from the banana…
What if mountain goat Took a noteFrom SapienAnd strove towards The magazine cover?What if wildflowerBuilt a towerAnd strove to climbTo the top?The city of field, forest, stream, and mountainWhispered in my ear:“You are no more or less importantThan a wildflower”It was a refreshingLack of importance(inspired by time spent hiking in silence in Glacier National Park)
sex makes me think of the stars surroundingour pale blue planetin all directionssex makes me think of the lonely possibilitythat another pair of eyes will grow up heregazing out at it all
The arrow of your life is not locked, yet Thoughts within your mind still freely swim The key to make you speed has not been turned, yet You look up at the tall plants as a seed You have not been pressure-packed and shipped, yet There is no single place you want to be Wishes Continue reading Ode to the unambitious
While paddleboarding in the ocean today, a metaphor came to mind. Authentic living = knowing yourself and being in the world in a way that fits your soul. For example, a canoe belongs in the water. A snowmobile belongs on the snow. A bike belongs on land. Yet, some of us are born as canoes Continue reading Landlocked canoe
"I'm having a lot of forgetfulness. It's hard to recall facts.I'm nervous and twitchy and drooling and dizzy.It feels like I want to pass out."Says the man in the rectangle on my screen.He's on 8 different medicationsThat affect the brain5 of them have significant interactionsI'm one of 4 doctors managing the medsIn addition to me, Continue reading Very much not root cause
After driving home from work in New Jersey back to the Bronx, I would often feel an impulse to go hang out at An Beal Bocht, our neighborhood Irish Pub. Over the years, An Beal grew to be my favorite bar in the whole world. I didn t know why I was drawn to An Beal, Continue reading Finding names for things
It took me a long time and most of the world to learn what I know about love and fate and the choices we make, but the heart of it came to me in an instant, while I was chained to a wall and being tortured. I realised, somehow, through the screaming of my mind, Continue reading My mental lenses
Yesterday, I finished reading the book Strange Rites which makes the case that there are lots of new secular religions cropping up in America. Among them: A religion, according to the author, provides its members with: The four categories above could equally apply to other groups not covered in this book, like environmentalists, or political Continue reading Worldview, purpose, community, rituals
In the book Metaphors We Live By, the author George Lakoff makes the case that humans best understand abstract ideas through physical metaphors. Here is a running list of metaphors that are useful to me:
I recently have been learning about the TESCREAL bundle of philosophies, having, myself, partaken in at least 3 of them: transhumanism (through the anti-aging scene of Aubrey DeGrey), rationalism, and effective altruism. Over dinner last night a friend remarked: A vision for a future with eternal life? Sounds like Catholicism in medieval Europe Death is Continue reading Same wine, new bottles
The metaphors we live by are significant, consequential. For a long time, I ve subconsciously subscribed to the lightswitch metaphor of positive change. In this metaphor, I can change my life to a fulfilled, happy state through X. X can be: Nowadays, I m realizing that there s a dopamine hit from the early stages of all the Continue reading Positive change is an incremental journey, not a…
I think one of the nice things about animals is that they re unapologetically themselves. When I was growing up, my mom sometimes told me this quote from a Russian poet: I m a poet, and because of this, I am interesting. Today marked the last day of a book club discussing this book called New Happy. Continue reading You don t need to be a poet to be interesting
Parables are stories that contain within them a philosophy of life, a worldview. Here are some that resonate with me: The Buddhist parable of the mustard seed Life, for everyone, is impermanent and death is universal. Nobody gets their life together permanently. See also the poem Ozymandias and the philosophy of Emerson on impermanence. Continue reading My parables
I was talking to a friend yesterday who remarked that if she only had 15 years left to live, she d choose depth over expansion. She d choose spending time with the people she loved over meeting new people. This made me think of Spotify, and how the app actually makes my experience of listening to music Continue reading The value of depth
The only way to know what you like is through experience. After over a decade in medicine, I now know that what I like about it is: I don t like: When I was in medical school, I read a few books adjacent to medicine. One was called My Own Country by an HIV doctor, who Continue reading No shortcut to knowing what you like
I listened to a podcast yesterday where two former addicts were discussing how self-love was so hard. This got me thinking, this morning, about love. I ve mused about love extensively in the past. This morning, I had a bit of clarity about what love means to me. Much like spirituality, it s a tough word to Continue reading Practice holding yourself
I ve mused about my definition of spirituality a bunch on this blog. For example, here s an early musing, from over a decade ago. Fast forward to today, and I think I ve come to the simplicity on the other side of complexity. Here s my current definition of spirituality, small enough to put on a post-it: For Continue reading Spirituality = oneness
Here’s my minimal and intuitive “annual post-it note” — the things I want to focus on in 2025: Theme for the year: Make my decisions right Intentions for 2025: — Practice noticing — Use my toolbox — Open up to newness, do something — Move all the time, not just while exercising — Garden and Continue reading 2025: Annual Post-It Note
Everything is a tool. Mark Manson Or: every practice, lens, philosophy is a tool in the toolbox of life. This perspective has been helpful for me because it keeps me from falling into the thinking that that I need to find the one thing will make all my problems go away. This is the Continue reading My toolbox
In response to my recent post about death, a friend said, Our ego s hope for a grandiose legacy isn t what we re here to do. It s to serve our purpose in this continual moving on. This reminded me of the word autotelic which means for its own sake. My favorite joke: Two old jewish men are Continue reading Be with the eggs
What s wrong with pleasure? my therapist once asked me. I think she was reacting to something self-shaming that I d said. While I don t think there s anything morally wrong with pleasure, I do think that pleasure can lead us astray because it can be addicting. On a recent trip to Japan, my wife and I walked Continue reading Philosophy of pleasure
I ve been thinking, of late, about who will show up to my funeral. Maybe it s because I recently got married, and went through the difficult process of deciding who to invite. I’ve caught myself thinking, in the back of mind: who are the people who will take the plane to my funeral? As if this Continue reading It doesn t matter who comes to my funeral
In our plane coming back from Japan, this video played for all the passengers: To me, this video emphasized working together towards a common good. The person in the wheelchair was being helped by many. Every person had pride in their work, from the corporate people with their powerpoint decks, to the chef, to the Continue reading National values
The wedding bandHangs with the keysIn my keyringI put it thereSo I wouldn't lose itDuring my swim in the oceanThis little actionWeaving it into the keyringWeaving it outPutting it backOn my finger againIs symbolicOf the fact:A big part of lifeIs how you show up
Yesterday I had a new kind of thoughtA new kind of feelingI approached the car andRealized that my keys Were back in the locker roomMy feet started to runNervous systemGoing into high gearI slowed back downThe new thing came over me:If I lose my keysIf I lose my carIt will be okaySpace will open upFor Continue reading A sprig of chillitude
Yesterday, I mailed a gift to my parents by boat. It will arrive in 20 days, said the man at the counter. Walking out of the post office, I ran into a friend, who was sending multiple boxes by priority mail. I realized then that it would have been cheaper and faster to send my Continue reading Kindness for the mean parts
Jack GilbertWould not haveWasted the experienceOf peeling the clementineStrands delicate and white breakingAs flesh separates from carapaceHe would not have wastedThe sensualityOf exploding dropletsCitrus freshAerosol fireworksDid it matterThat at the endHe was in a home?Not gazing greedily at the AegeanOr the nipples of a loverOr savoring a meal of fishIn a year of solitudeAs swallows Continue…
A year and a half ago, I fell from the top of a 20-foot bouldering wall onto a foam mat. Immediately, I felt a sharp pain in my left Achilles tendon. I brushed myself off, thinking it wasn t a big deal. Over the next few weeks, dull pain continued in my tendon, and over the Continue reading Believing in slow healing
It s been a year and a half since I delved into the world of clowning. My practice is to clown in everyday life: in the grocery store, in airports, on trains, on city streets. The main thing that I ve learned through this practice is that a lot of life is how you show up. A Continue reading The clown lens on life
You must invent your own religion, or else it will mean nothing to you. You must follow the religion of your fathers, or else you will lose it. Hasidic Proverb Today, we got legally married. About a month ago, we had our DIY-style backyard wedding ceremony. I just erased a white-board full of things we Continue reading What I loved about our DIY wedding
The gray sky I used to thinkWas just the grey skyThe winter coldJust the winter coldBut as I bite into an apple This OctoberI see that in orderFor this apple to beThe grey skyAnd winter coldMust be,Too
Right nowWonder wander is happeningNicole is going to NYCAnd I'm drinking teaDoing none of the abovePursuing the social, novel and excitingTo the exclusion of restLeads to burnoutAn overstuffed sandwichThe movie is always playingLearn to take breaksTo processWhat you've seen
One day shy of 95My grandma Fell illI held her, thready pulseDo you want to go to the hospital? No.So, was this it?Shaky and eyes closedWas this it?Quality of life over quantityThe mantra goesEasy to acceptIn the abstractThe last few weeksQuality was not that goodA lack of purposeHad set inTaken care of Not taking careUnwanted Continue reading Cefdinir
On a plane yesterday, I read most of the book 4,000 Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, by Oliver Burkeman. This book that helped me realize that I don t have a practical philosophy of how to spend my time. Sure, I abstractly knew that how we spend our time is of central importance to living a Continue reading Philosophy of time
I got married! If you look at the wedding photo above, you ll see us doing paper-scissors-rock to determine who says our vows first (I lost). You ll also see me wearing a white robe, called a kittel, which comes from Jewish culture. This item symbolizes, for me, a view of life that I ll call the collaborative Continue reading The Collaborative Universe
I ve been in some mental prisons chronically for the past years, decades. I ve discovered simple, not easy, behaviors that can open the doors of my mental prisons. Here they are: In many ways, these are a work in progress. I hope to write about each of these in detail in the future.
The sine wave of life goes up and down. The downs are not fun. A friend of mine described how he went to a music festival. It was a lot of fun, free and breezy. What was missing was challenge. Challenge is one way we create meaning and satisfaction. Another way is to serve something Continue reading Challenge and meaning
Yesterday morning, my friend Ethan was reflecting on a perspective he used to have for life: Live a good story. This perspective helped him to explore, to wander. It led him to some interesting places, such as biking across the country. This perspective, though, was ultimately limited. Sometimes, I don t want to be living a Continue reading Theory of perspective
Cause it s getting kind of quiet in my city headIt takes a teenage riot to get me out of bed right now Sonic Youth, Teenage Riot A few years back, I went to Wonder Wander, a gathering of people who I hadn t met before. At the end of the event, we were sitting around, basking Continue reading Me, Us, and You
Content advisory: The post below references suicide and depression. I found the interview that inspired this post to be quite depressing. Tread lightly here. Yesterday, I found myself quite down after listening to an interview with David Berman. I first learned of Berman years ago, when I saw this beautiful eulogy video by Jeffrey Lewis. Continue reading Musicians are doorways into emotional…
I have this tendency to judge myself harshly for not doing enough. So far today and it s only noon I ve made coffee, breakfast, washed dishes, deep cleaned the counters and bathroom, drafted a document, walked the dog. And still, there s that voice in my head that says: YOU RE NOT DOING ENOUGH! Well, Mr. Continue reading Circles of care: an antidote to toxic productivity
All the world is a very narrow bridge / the important thing is not to make oneself afraid. Rabbi Nachman of Breslov Some small examples of recent loss in my life: In each case, there s some grief in the first two cases, purely for the material items I enjoyed. In the last two cases, Continue reading Self-talk to soothe fear and shame
What happens when you seeThat the water in the tea You are drinkingWas once a cloudWhat happens when you seeThe soil that Your urine flows intoWill feed a tree?What happens When you see yourselfFrom far away?Are you a body with clear borders?Or a community of cells working togetherWith the same DNABut different programs switched on Continue reading Expand your borders