Change

Hey Ya’ll,

I know you haven’t heard from me in a while. It’s not that I haven’t had anything to say, its that I had this come up:

I know… Me… Crazy, huh?

It’s not often that you get a chance to change your life by welcoming someone into it.

10 years ago I got my chance, and as crazy as it felt, I took it.

In turn it’s taken me to heights I never knew possible. Like this past Saturday, July 18th, when family and friends from all phases of life gathered to help me and my partner celebrate the life-changing chance we’d taken on each other.

Out of the 15,273 days I’ve been alive, last Saturday’s gotta be one of the best.

I know…
Me.
Crazy, huh?

Had you asked me 10-15 years ago you’d have gotten a raised eyebrow, an incredulous chuckle, a dismissive head shake.

If you’d known me in college, or as a post grad frantically trying to “make it” as an artists, you would have been just as incredulous. I wasn’t marriage material.

To me marriage was something older people did when it was time to settle down - a throwing in of the towel, a cave to the expectations of a bygone tradition.

You have to remember, I was from the generation raised on “Married with Children.”

Marriage was either a total bore or a dismal misery, and more often then not, both.

I was the generation raised in HipHop, where marriage was a rapper’s worst nightmare - a ball in chain, a buzzkill, and apparently, a surefire way of being extorted via state-sanctioned alimony and child support.

Ours was the generation raised on Jerry Springer and Rikki Lake, on the claim that divorce rates outpaced successful marriages (a lie, but a convincing one), on The Bachelor, Love & HipHop and a whole other mess of messy shows showing the mess of marriage. Given all the social programming there was no reason for me to be anything but antagonistic to the idea.

So how’d I get here?

Change. The one thing guaranteed us all.

It wasn’t that I had become that old person looking to settle down (ok, I may be older, but I’m not settling!). It’s more that I’ve come to realize most things I was told in life were for someone else’s benefit, not my own. It was hype, cap, spin, used to sell someone else’s ideas, and serve someone else’s agenda. Even when given in good faith, the perspective of others never quite matched my actual reality. So I began to lean more into my own experience, to tune into history instead of the news, and believe human behavior instead of human promises. I began to develop my own relationship with truth, one based on logic, evidence, study and reflection.

And I changed. I grew up.

If there was one positive thing to come from all the negativity around marriage, it was that it made it less of a distraction for me. I wasn’t looking to get married, wasn’t looking for “the one”, wasn’t looking for anything really, accept artistic inspiration. And I had found that in MassQing.

Coincidentally, MassQing is then what allowed her to find me.

We eventually did end up collaborating - an installation entitled “Communion” at the Resnikoff gallery at RCC (shout out to Mirta, Marshall and Pam). I showed my visual art, and after sitting to be MassQed, she shared her musical art (because in addition to being a co-founder and artistic director, she also happened to be a world class violist).

And from that point on, it was on and poppin’.

I knew I had struck something real with MassQing. I hadn’t dreamed it would reel in a life partner. But that’s how goodness works, it attracts itself.

She had seen my work, what I was about, and had appreciated it. Then she set about making it appreciate, because that was what she was about - elevating Black artistry. Our purposes had pulled us together.

Since then we’ve partnered on a great number of things from MassQ Balls, to movies, to countless memories. It hasn’t always been a cakewalk, but what I’ve consistently found is the more I put into our relationship, the more I got out of it, and the better we both became. And that’s saying a lot because I think I may have stumbled upon one of the most beautiful humans I have ever encountered.

Who wouldn’t change for that?

I can be hardheaded, set in my ways even, but I’m no fool. When you hit the jackpot, you leave the casino.

We named that 1st exhibition we did together at RCC “Communion” because many of the subjects of my MassQs were members of my family and community. A decade later, when scouting for a venue for our ceremony, we came across The Substation in Roslindale. In addition to having a scenic first floor perfect for our reception, they also had a gallery. And as if on cue, my partner immediately began pitching my work, just as she had done at RCC. And naturally, just like before, they agreed. So, 10 years after that first collaboration we again joined forces. This time it was more than just a communion of family and friends. This time it was a union of lives. And so “Union” is what we called it.

And in addition to the many pieces shown in this new exhibition is is this pièce de résistance:

Change can be scary, awkward, disorienting, even painful at times. But it can also be beautiful, liberating, and healing too. And without it, nothing would survive.

We are all here because something changed.

This certainly is a season of change for me, with much more on the way that I look forward to sharing with you soon. But for now, I just want to be here, in this moment of celebration, of growth, commitment, courage and change - by love, for love, with love.

Sincerely,

-Daniel

Till then, be art