The Highly Recommended Guide To The Wisconsin State Fair

I feel like people think I am joking when I talk about how much I love the State Fair because most of the time when I have to describe things in Wisconsin, a surly, resigned politically correct quip is all that I can manage but the State Fair is my outlier. I am obsessed with it. It’s won me over completely.

Last year was my first State Fair experience so though I am going to present this as if I am an expert, know that I have only ever actually gone three times in my whole life. That said, the first experience was so impactful on me that I purchased my State Fair tickets in the presale that happened back in December. I knew that I was going no matter what. Next year, I think I am going to invite my friends and have a State Fair birthday party. Again, I’m so serious.

For anyone who is not from a Midwestern state, I think I need to set the scene. For ten days, every summer (here, it happens in August), farmers travel from far and wide with their animals hoping for two things: sales and prizes. The State Fair serves as a competition where entering means that you can gain state-wide recognition for your farm. They judge everything from dairy cows, to chickens, to rabbits, horses and more. In addition to the pilgrimage by the agriculturalist participants, regular patrons (like me!) also attend, gorging themselves on deep fried offerings of things that you would never assume could be deep fried, like strawberry cheesecake, for example. The whole affair takes place at the State Fair grounds which also doubles as a car racing track and concert venue but otherwise sits vacant for most of the year. Ok so now you’re imagining, right? So to put it in perspective, there’s not just animals but they are my personal favorite part.

In the front of the fair is Spin City, where last year I spotted rookie draftee and homegrown basketball talent, Kon Knueppel towering above everyone else with his friends. Besides me, he was the most famous person at the State Fair. Spin City is where the rides are located and I am not generally a fan of rides but I am most definitely not a fan of the extortion of Spin City where every ride costs 8 tickets and they sell the ticket books in groups of 50. First of all, why not a multiple of 8? 64 tickets would be good and useful, that way you know that you can go on 8 rides. Tickets can also be used to play those scammy carnival games but I never play those either. You can just smell the grift in Spin City. Rides generally don’t interest me so I bypass Spin City and head straight back into the fair itself.

The food is another massive draw for people, myself included. Local restaurants compete with one another just like the farmers for awards that are called The Sporkies. Now, everything that won a Sporkie this year did not sound appetizing to me but that didn’t stop me from eating because the fair has all of the classic Wisconsin foods plus your typical summer boardwalk fare. There’s cheese curds (which I had, and loved!). Lemon berry cheese curds won the Sporkie but I do not like lemon so I did not get those. There’s also corn which you can have either on the cob or in a cup. I chose cup, obviously because as much as I am indoctrinated into the culture of the State Fair, I am not quite at the stage where I can wander it gnawing on an ear of corn. People do that. There’s also pizza and this year a pickle pizza was extremely popular. You don’t have to get pickles though. They have every kind. We also ate an incredible loaded baked potato and also the classic corn dog, which I don’t eat those but Ryan does. There’s frozen drinks of every variety, and also beer if that’s your thing. You can honestly get anything and everything. As previously mentioned, there is a certain reverence for deep fried offerings. Funnel cake, oreos, etc. are pretty normal and available everywhere but things like deep fried dot cake are new and I tried a deep fried Reese’s which sounds like it would be good but unfortunately, I do not recommend. We did have a deep fried apple pie though which was phenomenal and I would get it again.

It doesn’t matter how many calories you consume because you are going to need them for all of the walking. This year we walked 6.5 miles while there. I wore my Alaia flats which looked cute but they were a mistake. I highly recommend wearing sneakers. It’s just too hard on your feet and there aren’t a ton of places to sit down. When you do sit, you will likely be sitting on benches and bleachers and so I would encourage wearing denim or a tougher fabric that is machine washable. Finding the right thing to wear is a delicate balance because it is my only opportunity to signal that though I am here at the State Fair being a fanatic, I’m different. You know? It’s the only way that I can protect my psyche ego.

Last year when I came to the State Fair we saw a Boyz II Men concert and it was absolutely fantastic. We had the best time. This year, I didn’t love the line up. The only act I would have been willing to see was the All American Rejects but frankly, they weren’t a big enough draw for me to take precious hours away from the fair. Especially because I had already seen the Goo Goo Dolls the night before and though they are not that similar as artists, I have a limit to how much money I am willing to invest in white people. Nelly was also there the night that we went but judging from the crowd that was going to Nelly, I was safer at the Goo Goo Dolls. Nelly has never explicitly come out as MAGA but he is MAGA adjacent enough that if I ever feel the need to play Hot In Hurr, I will just do it from the comfort of my car. The scenario hasn’t come up. The four white women who were going to see Nelly loudly described how they shoot roadkill that hasn’t died quite yet, just to give you an idea of who was in attendance.

This brings me to another point about the State Fair, the crowd. The crowd is not ideal but that’s what is going to happen when you attract people from all over the state. The city people and the suburban people and the rural people are all mixing together and you would think that that would be beautiful but I would say it’s…tense. There is a delicate treaty that happens during the State Fair but it could be upended at any moment so it is good to keep your head on a swivel. New this year are these lifeguard stand/tennis umpire chair hybrids which hold a single police officer for surveillance over the crowd. I absolutely hated that. They were not there last year but there were a lot of fights and drunken incidents which is why, in my opinion, it is best to attend the State Fair during the day and make sure to leave around 9/9:30 pm. Things can and do pop off as is what happens when people drink a lot and I am not sure how to ensure everyone’s safety so it’s not as if I have a better solution. I just didn’t like it.

So now that you have the lay of the land, let me tell you about what I saw and did! According to Ryan, I talked to every single animal I encountered. This is true because I wanted to give them positive reinforcement and make sure they were not nervous for their show. I do this for the horses I ride as well. I don’t have any plants but if I did, I would probably talk to them too. Plus, they were some of the most well-groomed, most gorgeous animals I had ever seen. Truly, you will never see more beautiful cows. Below, is a photo of just some of the products that are used. This looks exactly like the backstage of the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. Ryan has a bit of PTSD since he used to show cows and was in 4H (against his will). Then, his best cow got sold and frankly, I don’t think he was ever the same. He did have a lot of insider knowledge that I found valuable like, for example, back home, wherever these animals go, they are just, like, regular cows. They are not living this glam life 24/7. It’s kind of just for the show. That made me a little sad but then I remember that I put on makeup and do photoshoots too and most days I am just sitting like a little gremlin hunched over my keyboard so same, same girls.

We also went to the crafting barn which featured many gorgeous projects from kids all over the state. These are some very talented kids. They did everything from quilt-making, to dress making to constructing a life-sized minion from tools. I loved seeing their creativity come to life and I hope that the State Fair is an encouraging enough stage for them to want to continue.

Though I love the cows, my favorite barn is the horse barn, obviously, particularly the Clydesdales. When I lived in NOLA I used to ride 3 draft-crosses who were so fun. Clydesdales are so chill and cool and…huge. They are really bulletproof horses. When I went from riding them to my little Appendix, I was so surprised by how skinny and sensitive he was. Anyways, in the horse barn, I was floored by the scale of these and after we met a few of them, we also watched the carriage pulling contest for the mares. It was so impressive. A highlight was finding a Black family farm. The Beulah Homestead/Farm/Family are generational Clydesdale breeders and as far as I could tell, the only Black family with any skin in the game. Everyone else with animals to show was white. The Beulah’s have a homestead where they do educational programming and I am not that interested in farming, but if you are, check it out! They even have a festival.

Then, we got to watch the pig races which was another highlight for me because I did not get to see them last year and they did not disappoint. Sadly, the pigs come from Missouri and not Wisconsin but I won’t hold that against them. We also got to see the dog agility competition as well as the diving competition. I love watching these! If you can’t tell, we spent around 6 hours at the State Fair. I was going to make sure we did every single thing. Every single thing tax below:

Now that I’ve told you all the good, let’s get into what I do not recommend and that is: The America 250 Ferris Wheel. The entire fair was kind of branded as America 250 which made sense. It was also an anniversary year for the State Fair, which turned 175. I can’t help but wonder how many years of its history were segregated and so if you’re reading this, you’re going to wonder now too. But back to the wheel. Since I don’t typically enjoy rides, the ferris wheel is something that I can get behind. It isn’t scary. It takes 10 minutes and you can see the entire fair while you’re up there so you can make sure to map out the things you want to see and do. But this year…the wheel was different. Each car was dedicated to a different president and of course, we were dreading getting the Trump car even before we knew what was coming. We got a McKinley car so don’t worry but you really can’t choose. You just wait in line and hope. Also the meanie operators made us get in the car with two other couples since each car can accommodate 6 people. Ryan and I couldn’t even sit next to each other. Extremely un-sexy and unromantic just like America itself. Then, the history lesson started. There was no place inside the car to turn it off or turn it down, so you just have to listen to the propaganda no matter what. Apparently McKinley was assassinated. After the doctored history lesson is done, big band overtures of patriotic songs start playing and that is your whole experience. Last year the wheel was a lit up rainbow that played top 40. Like must everything get worse??? Last year we also rode three people to a car and had a great time. This year, not so much. 0/10 recommend spending the $7 to do that. Thankfully, next year will be year 251 and no one celebrates that.

Here’s a summary of what I highly recommend for doing the State Fair right:

• Go on a week day if possible, during the day. Make sure it’s in the first week if you want to see the animals

• Wear Sneakers

• Bring a small crossbody bag. They do not like purses! (Because guns.)

• Bring cash (there’s an up-charge on every credit card purchase). I don’t ever have cash anymore but you might.

• Skip the America 250 Ferris Wheel if you don’t want to be indoctrinated

• Make sure you see one of the animal shows! They are so cool

• Walk the barns

• Get out before 9:30 pm

• Uber/Lyft there

• You can bring your own water bottles in. They are a pain to carry but they have refillable stations and it gets hot!

I’m making one more trip to the State Fair (in sneakers) but I promise to give a short summary of that folded into next week’s normal letter. I made this one free so that everyone may share in the joy of the State Fair and if you also love the Wisconsin one or any of them, leave a comment and give us recommendations!

I will be back next week with our regularly scheduled programming.

Thank you for reading! Until next time,

xD