Ariana Grande Is Spinning The Block This Mercury Retrograde

Hello people!

I am laid up from having my IUD removed and a new one put back in. Do not let them tell you anything else, this hurts like hell. I used to be the kind of person that would say I had a “high tolerance for pain”. Uhhh fuck that. That is such an obvious trauma response to me now and for more on that, I encourage you to read my memoir, Token Black Girl. A more healed me is now like: I’m just a girl/baby/helpless creature and I expect everyone to treat me as such. My gynecologist informed me that my IUD had expired which meant that it still performed its birth control capabilities but the other features were beginning to malfunction. The IUD works by continuously thinning out the uterine lining which is why some women who have IUDs do not get periods at all. This is an awesome, sometimes worrisome, side effect. I liked not having a period but this can be a problematic diagnostic barrier. A few years ago, I wanted to get a PCOS (now PMOS) diagnosis so I needed to see what my periods would be like so I turned to acupuncture. I did begin to get periods again with regularity which was encouraging but after I had my uterine fibroids removed, my periods became violent. I was experiencing so much painful cramping and then further having a period for as long as 15 days. This has been my life for the last few months. So when I went in for my annual, my doctor told me that in order to stop all of this, I would have to get the IUD removed and replaced. If you have never done this before, it is an excruciating, medieval type torture. I think that getting it out is worse than getting it in, though both are terrible. This time, I requested the works. I said I didn’t want to feel anything if that was an option. General anesthesia is not something they are willing to do for an IUD so I settled for: 1. Lorazepam, 2. A shot of toradol and 3. A shot of numbing something in my cervix but let me tell you something, when they do the numbing shot in your cervix, you are not numb and that shit hurt very very badly. This is probably entirely TMI but I actually do think that it is important to prepare people for this stuff before they have their feet in stirrups and someone is like “ok deep breath.” It’s better to know what you are up against and really, no one had told me that this was what I was up against! Everyone was singing the praises of IUDs when I got my first one over a decade ago. While it has served me well and I do think it is a recommended form of birth control, I do wish that I had known about how badly it hurts before I agreed to have a Mirena implanted up my hoo-haa. Anyways, now you know and I hope it helps you ask for the works if you’re thinking about an IUD. The worst part is…if I want to get pregnant, I will have to do this all over again and probably endure WORSE pain. I really do love being a woman but goddamn.

Now that you know entirely too much about my reproductive health, I’m ready to talk about some other stuff. We had a PACKED weekend last weekend and a very social start to the week. This hot summer weather has me feeling great. I rode inside this week as a courtesy to Stewart (the horse) and myself. We are really doing well together. I am going to enter a horse show with him. Crazy! I know. I said I never wanted to compete mostly because I am like Abby in that one episode of Broad City but I want to push myself this year and this seems like a great opportunity to do just that.

Jo Piazza was in Milwaukee for a book event so Ryan and I went to Boswell Books on Sunday to see her talk. It was really fun. We have been professionally orbiting one another for years but I had never met her so it was our first time seeing each other in person. I am very excited for her new book, The Parisian Heist which will be next up on my TBR. I also started Deesha Philyaw’s latest, The True Confessions Of First Lady Freeman and…it’s sickeningly good. I finished S.A. Crosby’s Razorblade Tears last week and I am going to pass it along to Ryan. I liked it. It was like reading a Blacker version of the HBO show Task. It was very male-coded if that makes sense. I think a lot of men will benefit from reading it. I am in the middle of Ann Patchett’s Whistler which is just so delightfully Ann Patchett. It takes place between NYC and Bronxville and Darien and my heart is weeping with homesickness and poverty. Nothing says summer to me like getting lost in a book. I can’t wait until I turn mine in today and then I can read by the lake. (Actually, scratch that. I can’t go outside because of the air quality alerts).