Give yourself a chance..

Discomfort does not automatically mean you are in the wrong place.

You are just somewhere new!

When our nervous system is overwhelmed, things like - something is wrong for me vs something is unfamiliar - can feel exactly the same.

I have never feared change and I do like to make big decisions in my life based on what is going on and how do I feel. Once I know (or I am done with it completely) something has to change, I don’t really spend a lot of time talking myself into it. I move, leave the city, change the major. I decide and act accordingly fairly quickly. That has always been, in my opinion, one of my strenghts. But, what I have noticed is what happens immediately after the decision has been made and how it’s repeating itself in every occasion.

The moment change becomes real - my instinct is to run back! Or change it again.

Everything feels unfamiliar, my body becomes shaky and I start to convince myself that I have made a mistake. Maybe the major feels not for me or the cupboard in my new apartment opens the other way. The smell is not the same and the noises are tiny bit louder then they were before.

My logical mind always knows why I made the decision in the first place and why it was necessary. I needed something different- a new chapter of my life. But the moment I arrive there, I forget every logical reason that brought me there.

Why is my nervous system louder than my memory?

I have experienced this instance with jobs for example. I have taken customer service based jobs, knowing fully well they are not suitable for me. I know exactly what I sign up for every single time I step into that bucket again. Standing all day, smiling even when I don’t feel like smiling and dealing with people when all I want is to be left alone in my quiet cozy life. But usually the reason I have accepted these jobs for the most part is financial. The moment I have walked in, and started, the purpose that had seemed so clear day before, becomes completely overshadowed by the stress of being somewhere unfamiliar.

That being said, sometimes leaving is the right decision! Your body can tell you something very important and you need to listen to those cues. Maybe the environment is unhealthy, people are wrong and walking away is an act of self-respect in those occasions. There are definietly situations that deserve immediate exit and we should not romanticize staying somewhere, because we think we have to endure everything.

But not every uncomfortable beginning or a feeling is a warning sign. Our bodies need time to settle before making the final decision. I think in so many ways we can underestimate how much our bodies react to change. We expect to walk into a completely new environment and somehow feel at home immediately. We expect a new apartement to feel like home on the first night.

But why would they? Everything is different and that is the point!

Even the smallest little details in our new reality can become noticeable. The way our fridge open. The sounds outside the window. New route to our walk. The smell of the building. The grocery store you have never been in before. Our brains are processing hundreds of unfamiliar details every single day and our body intreprets that as a stress response. But it does not automatically mean you have made the wrong choice in life. Your system just hasn’t caught up with your decisions yet!

It has been truly a habit of mine trying to escape before I have even arrived. Before I have given myself the chance to settle, I have already decided that I need to change it for the better. Irony is, wherever I go, I take myself with me. My fears, habits and nervous system comes with me regardless.

And don’t get me wrong. New apartment, new city, new country, new school - it does feel so good! But first comes the feeling of unfamiliarity and being scared. Do not mistake unfamiliarity for failure. It is just a small cost of growth and changing your life. It is not permanent!

Nobody talks enough about how emotionally exhausting moving somewhere new can be. We focus on finding the apartement or a house, signing the lease, organizing the move, packing boxes .. and so on. But we rarely acknowledge what happens the day after. You are sleeping in a room that does not feel like yours yet. Heck, maybe you don’t even have a bed and whole lot of furniture still. Of course it feels strange!

Give your body permission to catch up. Give yourself permission to be uncomfortable without immediately assuming something is wrong or it’s not a fit. Give yourself time to learn, instead of judging every experience after twenty-four hours.

Let your nervous system breathe before asking it to make another life changing decision, please.

And if you have settled and it still does not feel right, then make another decision. But don’t confuse fear with your intuition. Sometimes they are speaking at the same volume and it is very hard to separate the two.

We expect confidence before we have had enough experiences to build it

Some of the best chapters of our lives will being by feeling completely out of place and with massive amount of uncertainty. Feelings like doubt, akwardness and homesickness is totally normal. Those feelings are not here to say that you made the wrong choice.

Before you run back to what feels familiar (but not good or comfortable whatsoever) ask yourself the question I asked myself just now.

Am I trying to leave fast right away, because this truly is not for me? Or. I want to leave right away, because I haven’t given my nervous system time to cool down and I am overwhelmed by everything new around me?

-Payton

You can buy me a latte if you like!