In case you missed the name of my column I’m a dad, not a mom. So providing particularly juicy insight for Mother’s Day would likely fall under the category of mansplaining. So instead, I asked the two best mothers I know, my wife and my own mom, to share their insights and wisdom on this special day where we celebrate the most important women in our lives.
I started with the obvious, what do you love about being a mom?
My mom loves the maternal aspect, “nurturing and caring for your child from babyhood to adulthood,” while my wife called it, “unlocking a different type of love for another person.”
“I’m also discovering the world through her eyes as she learns,” my wife shared. “Yesterday we went on a leaf hunt and I ended up holding a bunch of beautiful leaves for her that I never would have noticed otherwise. I [also] love when she hasn’t seen me for a literal minute and I walk [back] into the room and she comes running with her arms wide open.”
But being a mom is hard too, right? What’s the worst part about being a mom?
My wife pointed to what I think is also the worst part about being an expat, “the hardest part is not having any family nearby for support.” Interestingly, for my mom, distance was also the greatest burden. “When I went back to work, and had to leave my baby at a crèche. When my parents left the country… my mentor and friend wasn’t a phone call or visit away. Being a new mom […] I needed my mother. Now having my son living overseas […] and missing a lot not physically being [there for] the milestones in their lives.”
I asked if they had been given any advice before becoming a mom.
“I don’t remember life before our daughter,” my wife laughed, “but after she came, people kept telling me to sleep when the baby sleeps. She only ever slept on me during the day, so that was impossible. My brother gave me some more helpful advice, he told me every baby is different and you just need to figure it out.”
That rang true for my mom too, “A romantic fairytale picture is given about motherhood. It’s not reality. There are some extraordinary, special moments. But there are hard moments too.
No one has a manual for parenthood. One can read all the books and attend the maternity lectures but life happens and we’ve had to go with the flow and make the most of every day.
Many family members said babies sleep through from six weeks - this is totally not my experience which was so difficult to process.” Sorry mom! That was totally not our experience either!
“The challenging sleepless nights, the tantrums of toddlers, it’s for a short season. However when living through it, it seems like forever.”
I was curious if there were elements from their moms that they loved and may have shaped the way they are trying to be moms themselves.
“Whether in times of plenty or hard times - the family came first. She loved unconditionally, protected and nurtured no matter what.” Sounds like my grandmother could give Vin Diesel a run for his money in the Fast and the Furious. “My mom was the best cook and put her heart into all her meals. Super delicious. [My favourite memories are] the happy times around the meal table.
For my wife, it was her mum’s love of being a mum. “My impression of my mum, is that she loved being a mum. She was kind, patient, fun and created space for me. I want our daughter to know she is a blessing and I love being her mum.”
There’s always been a part of me that wants to leave a positive legacy in the world. My wife and I have spoken often since becoming parents about our daughter being our true legacy. That we may be forgotten in a few generations but what we’ve poured into her will be passed on.
My wife’s answer came from that same line of thinking. “The Bible has a verse in Corinthians1 that talks about love being the most important thing that remains after death. I want her to remember me making her feel loved, and cared for and special. I don’t need her to remember what I did for my career, or my views on the world.”
My mom was on the same track, “unconditional love. [That I was] always available to listen, to pray, to guide no matter what the circumstances and the physical distance.”
I asked what wisdom they'd give their former selves on the day they left the hospital with their babies.
My mom with many years of wisdom under her belt had a lot to tell herself:
“Stay calm, enjoy every moment of every day, make the special memories as the early babyhood days pass in the blink of an eye. Trust God daily and never give up on yourself. Love yourself and keep your cup full so you can give out of abundance not from an empty cup. Be present 💝. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Remember, ‘this too shall pass’ [and] there are four seasons in life autumn, winter, summer and spring. Sow love, joy, hope, and peace into your family”
My wife kept it practical: “Don’t let your baby have a boob preference!”
"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love" (1 Corinthians 13:13 NIV).
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