A Birkin is worth 15k because we have collectively decided to believe that a Birkin is worth 15k. And even if it’s not your personal belief, there are a segment of humans who do, and that segment is large enough to hold up that value in the broader marketplace. We hold the same collective belief in the value of de Kooning, Basquiat, Chanel and conventional heteronormative marriage.
Does owning my Blazy Chanel bag feel good? Yes. My heart skips a beat every time I see it. I love it. Will it feel that way in five years? Idk, probably not, it will feel different. I’m sure I will still love it, but it probably won’t be the one I reach for every week. It’s sad but it’s true. I will be able to resell it for almost the same price, though, because the market believes it has value, which makes me more comfortable entering the precarious investment based on a deep love that exists at least for today.
So, what about my ex-husband?
He, who has always remained nameless, is and was wonderful. As a human. I married him because I loved him very much. When the way that we loved each other started to change, so did our partnership — and thus, divorce was the best way we could continue to love each other and ourselves to our fullest capacity. It’s what kept us free to grow, and kept us free from building resentment towards each other. Plus, we were 23.
But a lot of people rush into and stay married for love AND other reasons. Perhaps because they believe there is value to being married, that it’s deeply aspirational; after all, both society and capitalism has held up and reinforced this belief our entire lives. As girls growing up we are taught to aspire towards a wedding and aspire towards marriage. We dream of our Prince, our future husband, our ‘happily ever after.’ The book ends there.
Men have done the picking and the saving of the damsels. Therefore it’s been our job as women to compete to be chosen. To be fragile enough to be saved. To be guileless enough to be both fuckable and co-habitable.
And thus, we have given life to some ‘spoiled boys’. I don’t know what Emily Dawn Long had in mind when she created her ubiquitous t-shirt and, quite frankly, I should have asked, but when I saw it today in her studio my mind went straight to this topic. Once women collectively opt out of our silent contract of belief that a marriage certificate is a luxury asset, men will have to change.
There is a segment of married women who have been annoyed with me lately. They wear their marriage on their sleeve like a Birkin. It’s a luxury that other people are meant to value, dare I even say look up to them for. And when I effectively say marriage holds no face value to me, they become deeply offended — because they’ve invested and suffered far too much to have a worthless commodity. Why else have they been caretaking this spoiled boy?
I want to be clear, I’m not saying that every marriage is hanging on by only a small thread of aspiration. But some people are extremely bothered by the de-centering of it I’ve proposed, and if that includes you, it might be something to look at. I am not against marriage. Quite the opposite—I am a hopeless romantic. I love, love! So much so that I never want to see it fan out in service of paperwork or unending togetherness.
What I don’t love is women not being able to grow and live out their full potential because they’ve ended up catering to a man in service of being chosen or maintaining their marriage.
In the same way, we have spoiled a handful of luxury brands who now feel free to schill us newly made, low grade products at premium prices just because the consumer will pay anything for logo representation.
I fear that we have created a large swath of spoiled men who have been conditioned by society to believe their ability to ‘choose a wife’ will also entitle them to a long list of perks at the woman’s expense. The studies have shown that married men live longer happier lives, while married women are more stressed, less wealthy, and report lower levels of happiness.
If we abandon the idea of marriage as aspiration, I believe we will enter into it more rarely but with a lot more honestly. I know that there are a lot of men feeling this in some quiet way too. I hear from them from time to time. It can’t possibly be fulfilling on a spiritual level to be in a lifelong partnership with someone who is putting on a performance for you while simultaneously building resentment. My hope is that this shift will benefit not just women but men, too.
In 2026, marriage should be entered based on love, beliefs, partnership. Not because it’s something we feel we need to do or we are worthless without. It’s not an asset for women at this point.
Life is not a game of musical chairs, there’s no need to scramble and no immediate elimination. We are not all competing for one final rose anymore.
The things I am wearing, loving, cherishing, in rotation.
Denim are vintage 501s I sourced at Lennys. Some great alts: here and here. The Levi’s wedgie fit jeans are good, too.
A vintage tee, too. Great alts here, here, and a fun striped 70s find here. All from Etsy btw which is a treasure trove for vintage tees. Actually, one more, here’s a 70s Beverly Hills tee.
Prada Made in India Inspired by Kolhapuri Chappal Leather Sandals
This lace tank is from Chloe last summer. But there are some great alts at different price points here: $180, this one from Sea NY is gorg. Technically a dress but can work as a top too.
Negative Supreme Short. Also comes in burgundy which I’m about to pull the trigger on.
And sometimes, listening.
On the topic of people stressed to get married I highly recommend The Ultimatum on Netflix.
Late to the party but presently reading Strangers by Belle Burden. Probably not helpful for me.
The influencer recession - Today, Explained
How to reach the unreachable on voter - Pod Save America
Why everyone’s an introvert now - Today, Explained
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