You Can't Have Self-Trust Without This

All the directions of The Self-Trust Compass are required.

Sorry, I don’t make the rules… I’m just the messenger.

But I’ve been repeatedly reminded over the past year how important SOUTH on the compass is.

Nervous System Regulation.

With all that life has thrown my way recently, I’ve been leaning heavily on some of the practices inside my book, You Can Trust Yourself.

I want to share this full chapter with you. Because maybe in the age of flashy “nervous system hacks”, you too, need a reminder to return to the basics.

[ Chapter 53 of YOU CAN TRUST YOURSELF]

SOUTH: REGULATION

How do you learn you can trust someone?

Your body sends signals of safety.

But it’s not quite as easy as saying “Just trust your gut!”

Nervous system regulation is South on the compass - at the base - because it is so foundational to this work of building more trust in yourself.

One job of your nervous system is to scan your environment for possible dangers and alert you if there is a threat. Like when you arrive at the coffee shop for a first date and you go to give an awkward hello hug to the person you’ve been chatting with for a week, your body recoils and you get a pit in your stomach.

Your body is saying “No!” even if your mind doesn’t understand why.

When your nervous system is functioning optimally, it’s able to detect possible threats and alert you to respond appropriately to survive. Then - the really important part - once the danger has passed, your system is able to return back to a regulated state of calm. The optimal state of the nervous system is flowing between activation and settling.

Contraction and expansion.

The problem that often occurs after prolonged stress or trauma getting stuck in the body, is the nervous system doesn’t have capacity to return to a state of regulation. It knows how to activate, but not how to settle. So it gets “stuck on” in a sympathetic arousal or “stuck off” in a parasympathetic state.

It is really difficult to trust your intuition when your nervous system is dysregulated.

Like... REALLY hard.

If your nervous system is “stuck on” it might start to see everything and everyone as dangerous. Everything is perceived as a threat. Your system begins to exist only in the activated, anxious, hyper-vigilant state.

Two problems with this:

1. If everything is a threat, nothing is. Being stuck in danger mode all the time eliminates your ability to discern when a real threat is actually present, so you can’t protect yourself.

2. Constant activation is literally exhausting. Survival mode requires an immense amount of life force energy. Staying there long term exhausts all aspects of your body and can lead to serious health issues.

Relationally, being “stuck on” can show up as someone who builds brick walls with electric fences around themselves to keep people out. This person perceives everyone as potentially dangerous so she won’t allow anyone inside.

If your nervous system is “stuck off” you may find yourself numb and disconnected from any red flags in another person, leaving you vulnerable to harm, time and time again.

When you’re unable to return to a state of regulation in your nervous system on a regular basis, you lose your discernment superpowers that we spoke about earlier.

When you’re stuck in survival mode, it’s really difficult to connect to the subtitles of your inner voice and wisdom.

There are good reasons you disconnected from your inner voice and intuition. Usually, it starts from a place of protection and survival. And then, you learn to stay disconnected. It starts to feel safer to operate from your head and external guidance.

Going inside and reconnecting with your body’s wisdom can feel really intimidating and even scary. Especially if you’ve been disconnected for a long time.

With all of this information, you might see the importance of nervous system regulation, but you might still be wondering...

“Okay, but how do I ACTUALLY do it?”

This is a great question and I’m going to give you plenty of ideas to explore on your own. But first, I really want to encourage you to…

Give yourself the gift of a solid foundation.

I know it’s not always fun and exciting to return to the basics. But the fundamentals are there for a reason. You could go down social media rabbit holes right now and find 50 different nervous system “tricks” and ways to biohack your way to “regulation”. But, if you bypass the basics, any results you see will likely be temporary.

When you start with the basics and build a solid foundation, you’ll be much better able to discern what nervous system advice you want to listen to from others.

Here are the 5 Areas of Regulation I encourage people to start with:

• Fuel (food + water)

• Movement

• Sleep

• Sunlight

• Connection (nature + others)

Start by taking a radically honest look at what you’re currently doing in each of these areas. Get clarity about your starting point:

🍔 Fuel

• How are you currently fueling your body?

• What foods are you eating?

• How much and what kind of water are you drinking?

🏄🏻‍♀️ Movement

• How are you moving your body?

• What’s your relationship to movement?

• How are you resting your body?

• What’s your relationship to rest?

💤 Sleep

• How’s your sleep quality right now?

• How much sleep are you getting regularly?

☀️ Sunlight

• How much sunlight are you getting?

• When are you getting sunlight?

🥰 Connection

• How connected are you feeling to something outside of you?

• When was the last time you had a soul-nourishing moment with another person?

• How often are you getting into nature?

🌱 Questions for all areas:

• Are you not getting enough in any of these areas?

• Are you getting too much in any of these areas?

Once you know your starting point with regulation, there are a few different ways I typically encourage people to proceed. But they all incorporate some aspect of titration. It’s most beneficial if you’re able to care for yourself in each of these areas every day. But you don’t have to start there.

Instead, start with just one area. Choose one area to focus on for one week. Then, choose one small shift you can make in that area.

Examples of small shifts:

• Get 5 minutes of sunlight when you first wake up.

• Hug someone for 10 seconds.

• Find the most nutrient dense foods available to you. Eat one of them.

• Put your feet in the dirt for 10 minutes.

• Disconnect from technology early to support better sleep.

• Take a 30 second dance break... RIGHT NOW... Yes, I’m serious.

Building a strong foundation for nervous system regulation isn’t something you can “hack” in just a few days. But, when you combine the principles of Keep Promises with Regulation, you set yourself up for long-term success.

After you’re consistently supporting your nervous system in one area, add another area for a week. Once you’re consistent with two, add a third. Until you’re able to regularly nurture yourself in each area, every day.

When these 5 Areas of Regulation become part of your daily habits and you consistently do them over time, you foster a healthy nervous system that is resilient and capable of doing deeper healing work.

This approach is not about prescribing to you the “right” way to eat, move your body, or connect to others. It’s actually an invitation for you to tune deeper into yourself for those answers.

Some days you need more food or more sleep.

Other days, the answer is less sunlight or less movement.

Also, if you’re currently menstruating, this is an opportunity to tune into how your needs may shift and fluctuate throughout your cycle. Where you’re at in your cycle can impact your needs for each of these areas.

As you begin to tend to your body more intentionally and incorporate some of these regulation practices, I encourage you to reflect:

• How does your body respond when you nurture it more?

• How are you impacted emotionally and mentally when you prioritize connecting with and caring for your body?

In upcoming chapters, I’m going to guide you through more specific regulation practices you can try out. But for now, I want to plant some seeds. I want to share some ideas for ways you can build upon the solid foundation of regulation. Ideas to bring you in deeper connection with your body and with yourself.

These practices were baked into daily life for many cultures. They don’t even have to think about doing it. But for many of us in the overly stressed modern culture of the West, we have to bring a lot of intention to making these things happen. This is by no means an exhaustive list, but a chance to see what ideas you’re drawn to.

Notice if you feel a ‘Yes’ in your body to any of them.

Advanced Regulation Practice Ideas:

• Breathwork

• Yoga practices

• Drumming

• Movement techniques

• Cold plunging

• Sauna

• Forest bathing

• Meditation

• Trauma release exercises (TRE)

• Chanting + singing Energy healing

Get more somatic practices + the full compass inside You Can Trust Yourself

All 4 Directions to Self-Trust