Valentine’s Day is next month, one of my good friends is getting married next week—love’s on the brain. Also, I just rewatched Materialists (2025, dir. Celine Song) for the nth time earlier at 1AM.
Love is really on the brain.
This is the first time I’m writing about my love life on this newsletter, and at the risk of destroying my “dalagang pilipina heritage conservateur” image, here goes nothing.
Gay dating in Metro Manila has offered a unique experience. There’s more people out of the closet now more than ever, guy-guy PDA doesn’t raise eyebrows anymore, and dating apps give us 10x more options than our fabulous lolos ever dreamed of.
However, this is not an assurance of finding a relationship. As far as the experience goes, it’s pretty seamless. But the actual result? Nada.
It might be our hookup culture, imported straight from the USA. It might be the fact that, as put by one of the guys I dated, “Metro Manila gays have so many more options than probinsyano gays”. Call it analysis paralysis or the paradox of choice. Is having so many gay men who are emotionally (or at the very least sexually) available in one place a bad thing? Is it bad that we have so many options?
There’s a ton of gay hotspots in Metro Manila. Cubao Expo in QC, Greenfield in Mandaluyong, Poblacion in Makati, Escolta in Manila (don’t crucify me if I’ve missed something). I saw a Threads post clarifying: “Ba’t ang daming bading sa Mandaluyong?”
Just like hetero dating, gay dating is messy and complicated—maybe even more so. I’m not afraid to admit that many times, I’ve been the problem. I got bored, I felt rejected or too vulnerable, or I just got the ick. I also chased and begged attention from people who clearly weren’t that interested.
But this isn’t a confessional booth in a church.
Right now, as someone nearing 30, I’ve funnily added a few more factors to consider when it comes to picking guys to date. Mutual attraction should be the bare minimum, not the be-all end-all.
These factors are:
1. Lifestyle. Is he a homebody or does he like to go out? Does he wake up early or like staying up late? How aligned are his habits and schedule with my own?
2. Hobbies. Do we have something to do together aside from talk? How open is he to trying stuff I like, and vice versa?
3. Direction. Is he planning to stay in the country or move abroad? Is he open to moving in together someday? Is he open to living with my family?
4. Family. What’s his family dynamic like? Are his parents controlling? Is he out to them? Would my parents like him?
5. Friends. Would my friends, especially the ones who know me best, like him? Would he like them? Would he integrate into my social life?
This is more journal entry than advice column. I’m telling you right now, do not take love advice from me unless it suits you. I am by no means an expert.
Hopefully this article was entertaining for you to read. I don’t really let my unhinged, humorous side seep into my “serious” endeavors, but here we are. Yay context collapse?
See ya! 👋
Comments
Nothing yet. Say the first thing.
Sign in to join the conversation.