Are You Influenced...

I loved soap operas when I was in High School. It wasn’t just the melodramatic, preposterous story lines, but the make-up and hair on the actors that had me ogling. I would attempt to apply purple eye shadow like Bobbi in General Hospital. But that foray ended when I wore it to school and mean girl Jill Nye said to me, “Does your mother beat you up?”

Still, years later, she did not dissuade me from taking on other ideas, personas and interests from TV shows…

· Breaking Bad— A high school chemistry teacher diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer turns to manufacturing and selling methamphetamine with a former student to secure his family’s financial future

No, I did not recreate a crystal meth lab but Jeffrey switched from a coffee maker to the Chemex method which uses a beaker and was invented by a chemist (and similar to the beakers used in the RV meth lab in the show).

The dark story line caused Jeffrey and I to get into arguments. By the third episode we recognized our collective ire and said, “This show is putting us in a bad mood. We need a break… from bad.”

· Game of Thrones— Nine noble families fight for control of the mythical land of Westeros, while an ancient, forgotten enemy returns to threaten them all.

I toyed with dying my hair blonde, like Daenarys Targaryan, and Jeffrey’s interest in sword collecting resumed. At one point he frantically pushed through his closet, searching--

“Where’s my ruffle shirt? The one I got in Paris?”

“The one you never wore but bought because you were having a past life regression as a French revolutionary soldier? It was too small on you eight Halloween’s ago. I gave it away.” I pictured a homeless guy pushing a grocery cart, looking like D’Artagnon. Meanwhile, costumes from Game Of Thrones were more Viking aesthetic than Three Musketeers. Jeffrey has French ancestry not Nordic. So there’s that.

· Mad Men— Set in the 1960s at a prestigious Manhattan ad agency, Mad Men follows Don Draper, a brilliant and mysterious creative director.

Lots of cigarette smoking. It looked like a sexy stress reliever. I wanted one. Just one. Not a whole pack because they’re expensive and I really didn’t want to smoke. Maybe just hold one along with an empty highball glass.

I was relieved I wasn’t an adult in that era, having to coif my unruly frizzy hair. But at the height of this TV show’s popularity, I discovered the Keratin Treatment and started the smoothing process.

· Outlander-- A married World War II combat nurse mysteriously travels back in time to 18th-century Scotland and meets gorgeous Jamie Fraser. (Scottish and American history are thrown in there too.)

This show is married couple porn. Put it to you this way… there were a few episodes we didn’t finish.

· The Sopranos— A New Jersey mob boss struggles to balance the ruthless demands of his criminal empire with his chaotic personal life, triggering panic attacks that force him to secretly seek professional psychiatric counseling.

Jeffrey started leaving five-dollar bills in his jeans. I’d find them in the dryer. I told him to stop money-laundering.

· Fixer Upper— (Reality show) Design and renovation experts Chip and Joanna Gaines help homebuyers in Waco, Texas, find the “worst house on the block” and transform their dilapidated fixer-upper into the stylish, custom dream home they’ve always wanted.

Forget Joanna Gaines’ entire design style, I tried to replicate the oversized muffins she handed out to clients.

· Yellowstone— Follows the powerful Dutton family as they fight to protect their legacy—the largest continually operating cattle ranch in the United States.

We searched for a local rodeo. It was too far away. Un-local.

I tried on cowboy boots at Nordstrom, but my bunion wasn’t happy. I thought about the thriving podiatry businesses in Montana, Wyoming and Texas.

· Paradise— American post-apocalyptic political thriller where 300k people live in an underground city.

Jeffrey-- “Honey, maybe we should build a bunker. Ya never know.”

Me: “As long as there’s a beauty salon and online shopping like in the show. And people playing pickle ball so I can watch and say for the fortieth time, ‘Maybe we should try pickle ball.’”

· Castle Impossible— (Reality show) Daphne and Ian abandon their California tiny-home plans after unexpectedly inheriting a dilapidated, 500-year-old French chateau outside Paris.

As this young couple pulls up floors, sands wood beams, wall papers a ceiling and floats a crated chandelier in a row boat on their moat in order to jury-rig a pully to heave the chandelier through an upper floor window, Jeffrey is excited to apply some wood putty in a dent in the door and I really want a pair of overalls for when I dead- head daisies.

TV show influences began in the Elementary School Years:

· Flying Nun— A petite novice nun stationed at a convent in Puerto Rico discovers that her slight weight and heavily starched, seagull-shaped habit allow her to catch passing ocean winds and fly.

I tried to make that wing-shaped habit using cardboard and a t-shirt and jumped off a chair.

· Little House on the Prairie-- A resourceful 19th-century pioneer family leaves the Wisconsin woods to settle on the American frontier, facing the harsh realities of prairie life. Based on the Laura Ingalls Wilder novels.

I braided my hair like Melissa Gilbert (lead child actress) and ended up looking like Pippi Longstocking.

I tried to build a fire rubbing two twigs together and then I went inside the house and ate a Ding Dong.

· Gilligan’s Island— Two shipwrecked boat crew members and five eclectic passengers get marooned on an uncharted tropical island after a sudden storm derails their “three-hour tour.”

I was no Ginger but strived to be Maryanne, tying the ends of my blouse in a knot and wore a bandana on my head like a gypsy.

My sister and I climbed into our blow-up boat, paddled across our swimming pool and “marooned” ourselves on the deserted island/back yard. We then got hungry and overdosed on Oreo cookies.

Let’s chat!

What shows get you in the mood for….