You're scared of hunger

Hi friend,

Maybe your child asks for more without apology.

Maybe they reach for the bread again.

Maybe they enjoy dessert with their whole body.

Maybe they say, “I’m still hungry,” without shame.

Maybe they move on after eating, without replaying the meal in their mind.

And maybe, if you’re a mother in eating disorder recovery, their freedom with food brings up more than you expected.

Part of you may feel tenderness.

Maybe even joy.

But maybe another part of you feels fear.

Is this okay?

Is this too much?

Should I say something?

Should I redirect?

What if I’m being too permissive?

What if this becomes a problem?

What if I’m passing this on?

And then, maybe, shame follows.

Because part of what makes this so confusing is that you believe in something different for your child.

You want them to know that hunger isn’t something to fear.

You want them to trust their appetite.

You want food to feel ordinary rather than moral.

You want them to experience the kind of freedom you may still be learning yourself.

And still, their appetite can bring up fear in you.

Those two things can exist together.

Friend, if this has happened to you, you are not the only one.

Sometimes our children’s freedom with food mirrors the places where we were not allowed to feel free.

Their appetite can touch something old in us.

The meals where we were watched.

The snacks we were shamed for wanting.

The foods that became forbidden.

The praise we received for eating less.

The fear we learned around fullness.

The body comments that taught us our hunger was too much.

And then one day, our child stands in front of us, beautifully unashamed, asking for more.

Part of us loves their freedom.

And part of us may not know what to do with it.

Because sometimes we are trying to give our children something we are still learning how to give ourselves.

Permission to be hungry.

Permission to want.

Permission to enjoy.

Permission to have enough.

Permission to trust the body instead of fear it.

That can bring up grief.

It can bring up fear.

It can bring up memories we didn’t realize were still living so close to the surface.

And none of that means we want our children to struggle.

Quite the opposite.

Sometimes the fear is so loud because we want so desperately for them to be free.

This week on Lift the Shame: The Podcast, I’m talking about what our children’s appetites can stir in us—and what it might look like to meet those reactions with curiosity instead of shame.

You can listen to the full episode in the podcast player above.

The next time your child’s appetite brings up fear, pause for just a moment and ask:

What am I afraid this means?

Not as a way to judge yourself.

As a way to understand what got activated.

Maybe you’re afraid your child will lose control.

Maybe you’re afraid you’re doing something wrong.

Maybe you’re afraid their body will be judged.

Maybe you’re afraid they’ll experience some of the pain you did.

And once you’ve named the fear, gently ask:

Is this about my child right now, or is this touching an old story in me?

Sometimes our child’s appetite may not be the emergency.

Sometimes something tender in us is simply asking for care.

And friend, you don’t have to resolve every one of those tender places before you can offer your child something different.

You don’t have to feel completely at ease with hunger before you can make room for your child to trust theirs.

You don’t have to have complete freedom with food before you can support their freedom with it.

You can be healing and mothering at the same time.

With you,

Crystal 💛

P.S. If this conversation names something you’ve been carrying quietly, I’d love to invite you to Lift the Shame, my free monthly support space for mothers navigating eating disorder recovery.

It’s a gentle place to be with other mothers who understand this tender overlap between motherhood and recovery—the feeding triggers, the body fears, the questions about appetite, and the deep desire not to pass our own wounds forward.

There’s room for you here.

[Join Lift the Shame]