Your part that clings to control

Hi friend,

You can listen to today’s full episode of Lift the Shame: The Podcast in the podcast player above. I’ve also included a short companion reflection below for the mother who feels ashamed that part of her still wants control.

There is a part of me that still wants to grip.

Maybe you know that part too.

The part that wants a rule.

The part that wants a plan.

The part that wants to know exactly what will happen next.

The part that believes if you can manage the food, manage the body, manage the schedule, manage the pantry, manage the portions, manage the moment — maybe you can finally feel safe.

And if you are a mother in eating disorder recovery, that part can feel so painful to notice.

Because maybe you know what control has cost you.

Maybe you have worked so hard to loosen your grip.

Maybe you believe deeply in food freedom, body trust, intuitive eating, and raising children without shame.

Maybe you want your children to experience something different from what you did.

And still, there is a part of you that clings to control.

And maybe you hate that.

But what if the controlling part is not your enemy?

What if the part of you that reaches for control is a protector?

A part of you that learned, somewhere along the way, that control was the closest thing to safety you could find.

Maybe control helped you feel powerful when you felt powerless.

Maybe control gave you structure when life felt chaotic.

Maybe control gave your anxiety somewhere to go.

Maybe control helped you feel less afraid in a body, family, or world that did not feel safe.

Maybe control was not the original problem.

Maybe control was the strategy.

And if that is true, then the goal is not to shame this part of you into silence.

The goal is to understand what she is trying to protect.

This does not mean we obey every fear.

It does not mean we let the controlling part make food rules, body rules, or parenting decisions from panic.

But it does mean we can meet that part with compassion instead of disgust.

We can say:

I see that you are scared.

I know you are trying to protect us.

And I am learning another way now.

This week on Lift the Shame: The Podcast, I’m talking about control — why it can feel so safe in eating disorder recovery, why motherhood can activate the urge to grip tighter, and how we can begin to care for the controlling part without letting it lead.

A reflection to carry with you:

What is this part of me trying to protect?

Not, “What is wrong with me?”

Not, “Why am I like this?”

Not, “How do I make this part go away?”

But:

What is this part of me trying to protect?

Maybe she is protecting you from judgment.

Maybe from body shame.

Maybe from feeling out of control.

Maybe from fear of watching your child suffer.

Maybe from being unseen.

Maybe from needing too much.

Maybe from the old pain of not feeling safe in your own body.

Friend, the part of you that clings to control is not the enemy.

She is a part of you that needs care.

And she does not have to lead alone anymore.

With you,

Crystal

P.S. If this conversation names something you’ve been carrying quietly, I’d love to invite you to Lift the Shame, my free monthly support group for mothers and moms-to-be in eating disorder recovery. It is a gentle space to be with other mothers who understand this tender overlap between motherhood, recovery, food, body image, control, feeding triggers, and the fear of passing it on.

Learn more about Lift the Shame and join for free here. We can’t wait to welcome you in.