Love Language

We didn’t need much. Just a bit of a reset.

But being introduced to Gary Chapman’s classic love languages, was a game changer for Wes and me.

Words of Affirmation

Acts of Service

Receiving Gifts

Quality Time

Physical Touch

When I think Love Language, I think marriage. Romance. Relationships.

They’re super simple, but having this tool, for us, for our marriage, our romance, our relationship? It was a game changer.

Important to note: there is a difference between knowing a language and actually being fluent in it.

I mean, I took five years of French….. (Pour l’anecdote: probably my biggest academic claim to fame is that I placed out of my Chapel Hill foreign-language requirement with my AP French V exam. Dieu Merci!)

When I was 18, I could speak it. I could read it. Je pouvais comprendre le français. Most of it has since vanished from my repertoire. But every now and then, a word or phrase resurfaces, surprises me, and oft lends to my only value-add in a good game of Trivial Pursuit or Jeopardy.

But love languages are a little different.

When Wes and I were challenged to figure ours out, there was very little mystery.

Mine: acts of service.

His: physical touch.

Hold his hand. Sit next to him on the sofa. A good hug in the morning or when I get home from work.

For me? Unload the dishwasher. Run to the dry cleaner. Take something off my to-do list.

So simple. And yet somehow, speaking it carries deep, powerful, game-changing meaning.

Yesterday, after a busy weekend, I treated myself to a massage. I went to the same place I’ve been going for several years now—thanks, Lisa, for the indulgent intro. Toccare. Its meaning in Italian = to touch.

It was the most relaxing and completely impractical 90 minutes. I left feeling touch drunk, as I usually do, yearning for more than the frivolous hour and a half.

But it made me wonder, must love languages be romantic?

Why do I think of them as something that only applies to my marriage?

Okay, so I certainly don’t want physical touch to be Wes’ love language with anybody other than me. 😆 So maybe there are some boundaries.

But acts of service? Maybe love language is about learning how other humans receive or need care.

That language? That one is universal.

Waving good morning to Tyrone, my 4th Street unhoused pal, on my way to work in the morning.

My daughter donating to a cause because she knows it matters to her mama.

My son willing to leave work to do a favor.

A thoughtful gesture. 🫶🏻

A prayer.

Forgiveness.

Grace.

Sometimes love doesn’t require a lesson, a book, a lecture, a sermon, or even any words at all.

Sometimes it’s a look.

A hand.

A twinkle.

A favor.

A wink.

A high-five.

A genuine kindness offered at the right moment.

I think there is a universal love language—one we could all speak, as needed.

And it’s a language AI doesn’t know. Notable scholars did not perfect. Neither JavaScript nor Python can translate. No Genius Bar, Geek Squad, Google search, or SEO can unearth.

It is one that only humans can relay. In whatever is their way.

Notice.
Share.
Help.
Forgive.
Give.

What if we were all fluent?

Peace to you today, loves. Bon Mardi.