i hear music, and it sounds like bells ~~ ...
i was just listening to the song Prairie Rose by Roxy Music which had come on shuffle and all of a sudden i wanted to be held down and fucked to it so bad that i almost cried. it was like 12% sad cry and 78% blood pumping water rushing cracked-open desire cry. 🌊🧎♂️ the song itself is about wanting something desperately (to visit Texas??). maybe that’s why? instead of getting fucked or visiting…
i have stopped begging for what i used to have and am now experiencing being content. it’s the right choice, which is good, because it’s the only one i have.
i need a word for bits of writing i want to post on instagram that i choose to divert here instead. i reactivated instagram in a very dark moment (on what would’ve been my 100th day clean), but i’m still trying to stay off as much as possible. here’s one: “i have decided that from now on, instead of politely texting all my friends looking for a dance partner, then sadly staying home wondering what…
i have just now discovered that my ‘driving’ playlist, by which i mean a collection of songs that make me feel like a flashy coked-up businessman speeding down the highway in an open convertible*, which were all made by men between 1979-89, is actually the perfect ‘workout’ playlist, by which i mean it’s perfect for lying very still in the middle of the night feeling like all the kinetic energy in…
and deleted this from my social media to post it here favorite anime: DANDADAN is my way, my truth, and my light. Uma Musume gay horse girls. you'd think it would be embarrassing but it's actually a work of art. 2.5. Cinderella Gray NINETIES GRUNGE gay AUTISTIC TOMBOY horse girls Sailor Moon for girly vibes & saying "me" every 5 seconds My Deer Friend Nokotan is delightfully stupid Neon Genesis…
so. how do i put this into words without gumming it up? it finally happened. the thing i've been begging the universe for. for 3 years at least. i was one of them. i was one of the ones who got to be part of it. who got to come together spontaneously and go to a second and then a third place. and my opinions were listened to and followed, but i didn't have to direct it, i didn't have to cajole…
tw: alcohol, body dysmorphia, suicidal ideation hello, blog! what do you want to hear about? i’m at the same bar i wrote about in “tequila soda,” which incidentally is my favorite post i’ve made so far. but the eponymous navel gazing has felt a bit tedious lately. i’m tired of all my thoughts starting with “i.” i ’m annoyed with the echo chamber. i want to get out. it’s going really well though. i…
well, something has happened to me. depression has turned into obsession. words are swirling through and spilling out of my head in what i would probably describe as mania. if i'm not silently monologuing a blog post, i'm frantically writing a poem, or having a fake conversation with my coworkers, sometimes out loud, or frantically writing a poem about having fake conversations with my coworkers,…
tw: earnestness 😦😦😦 dear reader, i don’t feel depressed anymore! remember how sad i was in my first few posts? let me tell you how i did it: i deactivated instagram (huge fucking relief) i deleted the one dating app i was on (huge fucking relief, though i will probably redownload it while traveling to make out with fun strangers at their favorite bars. only thing it’s good for) i've been…