Even the pauses felt like performance

If you’ve been around here long enough, you’ll know that I love restorative moments. These are the little things we can do to shift our focus to the “well-being” side of our responsibilities/well-being teeter-totter. (Not sure what I mean about this teeter-totter idea? Check out my most recent podcast episode for more details.)

I used to overlook the power of small things to help bring balance to my day, things like enjoying the smell of a fresh cup of coffee, feeling the sun on my face while standing on my front porch for a couple of minutes, snuggling my dog, taking a few deep breaths, even folding laundry. However, I now fully embrace the tremendous value of restorative moments and have talked about them in several prior blog posts, which you can find below.

So, suffice to say, I’m a big believer in the role that restorative moments can play in helping us find balance.

However, if I’m not careful, even these can backfire on me. And this very thing has been happening to me recently.

I’ve always worked better within some kind of structure and now, because I’m an entrepreneur, I have to create that structure for myself on most days.

Every workday morning, I spend a few minutes planning out my day. I usually have a couple of calls so I then figure out what work I want to get done around those. I also identify at the start of the day which restorative moments I will try to do and when I will try to do them.

It’s rare for me to get through everything on my list for a day. Tasks will inevitably take longer than planned or unexpected things will come up that I have to attend to. I’m (finally) okay with that reality.

However, on several days in recent weeks, I’ve been in the rare position of having virtually everything on my list checked off: calls, tasks, writing, and restorative moments. These weren’t extra “light” days either. They were just days where I benefited from few distractions and some heightened efficiency.

On paper, those days looked pretty well balanced, thanks to my planning for restorative moments in among my work tasks.

Why, then, did I feel so darn depleted and restless at the end of many of those days? I felt like I’d run a race I hadn’t trained for… and didn’t want to run. (Running. Yuck!)

The first issue was that I tend to get a little overzealous with what I think I can get done in a day, both with work and, as it turns out, with the “fun” stuff like restorative moments, too.

Because I’d packed my schedule so tightly on those days (as I always do) and gotten it all done, I ended up rushing through everything: the tasks, the calls, and, yes, even the self-care.

The thing about restorative moments is they don’t land the same way when you treat them like tasks. When you're doing them just to check them off a list, you lose the benefit they’re meant to give you.

I was so focused on “getting it right” that I wasn’t really present with anything I was doing. No wonder the day felt hollow: I’d ticked every box but barely felt any of it. Even the pauses felt like performance.

True balance isn’t just about doing the right mix of work and well-being. It’s also about being in it. Are you present? Are you softened? Are you breathing?

Do I wish I had done that day differently?

Yes, of course.

Am I beating myself up over it?

No.

Remember, compassionate confidence is not only about balancing work and well-being but it’s also about doing the best we can and believing in ourselves while being kind to ourselves along the way.

I’m trying to learn from those experiences but, truth be told, I know myself. This isn’t the first time I’ve learned this lesson and it won’t be the last. I will overpack my days again and try to crush it and will, undoubtedly, crush myself again in the process.

But by taking a step back and assessing how that makes me feel, it does help me learn and sets me up to make different choices going forward.

I’m not aiming for perfect balance anymore… but I am trying to stay curious about and present with what feels good, what leaves me hollow, and what actually restores me. That curiosity helps me find balance that’s real and felt, rather than merely planned.

And that feels like a good place to begin again.

If you like this topic, check out my latest podcast episode: The myth and magic of balance on Apple, Spotify, or right here on Substack.

Love,

Stephanie

This blog post was written in beautiful Waterdown Ontario, which is on the traditional territory of the Haudenosonee, the Anishnabek, and the Mississaugas of the Credit. I recognize that I am a settler here. I offer gratitude to those who have cared for and protected this land for generations. As I move forward, I commit to doing so with respect and in a spirit of reconciliation, honouring the relationships between the people, the land and the communities that continue to thrive here.

The information, insight, and advice I share through my work is meant to exist alongside whatever else you may be doing to bolster your mental health and confidence. Nothing I share is meant to replace directives or treatment plans provided by your doctor, therapist, coach, or other professional.