Shane Hollander's Evil Exes

For those of us who were so very into Ramona Flowers and wanted to take a shot at defeating her evil exes because hey we’re so much cooler than Scott Pilgrim (just me?) here is an incomplete (but riddled with spoilers, so be warned!) list of Shane’s Evil Exes as we have encountered them, and how Ilya did resoundingly defeat them:

• Andrew Liu, In Your Arms I’d Start a War

  • perfectly nice, personal trainer, gay AND Asian

  • defeated by Ilya with the power of *friendship*

• Jessie Buckley, Nice Men in Montreal

  • pushy, from Buffalo ew, a vet

  • defeated by Ilya when Shane paused sexting Jessie to sext Ilya instead (there was more to go, but really Jessie that was the moment you died)

• Evan, The Arrangement

  • abusive ass-hat marries non-hockey shane right after uni

  • defeated by Ilya when shane meet-cutes uni hockey player Ilya in a bar and it’s love at first sight, baby

• Alex Sullivan, think twice (and come back for a third time)

  • asshole Asian-Australian human rights lawyer that Shane meets at a fundraiser with Yuna

  • defeated by Ilya when he shows up at another fundraiser as Yuna’s (platonic) date and Alex is an ass and Ilya is charming as hellllllllll

• Jordan Bragg, do the wrong thing

  • the other gay player on the NY Admirals, charismatic and Comes on Strong

  • defeated by Ilya when he saves Shane from Jordan’s loony mind games

• Lee, advice from fools

  • perfectly nice student who has never heard of hockey and goes on 6am runs in Shane’s park

  • defeated by Ilya basically from the first time they fuck when Shane thinks, “wow, in comparison sleeping with Lee is more like masturbation”

• Julian Reeves, walking through windows (throwing this in bc it felt disingenuous not to but yeah uh pretty sure if you’re subscribed you’ve read this one)

  • kind of a tool, social media manager, fiance and Shane is the one who proposed btw

  • defeated the minute Ilya rolled up to the wedding