Coaching cut #53: Falling for familiarity

This pitfall lives in the modelling stage of coaching. The coach has explained the action step. The coachee nods, says it makes sense, can even articulate why it matters. Everything suggests they understand. So the coach skips the model and goes straight to rehearsal. Why show someone something they already get?

It’s an easy pitfall to fall into...

Coaches skip modelling out of respect, not laziness. The coachee sounds like they understand. They can name the problem, describe the technique, and explain why it matters. Modelling at this point can feel patronising, like showing a competent professional something they’ve just told you they already know.

But familiarity gives the illusion of knowing. Understanding a technique on paper and being able to picture it precisely are two different things. A coachee might know that “Right is Right” means holding out for complete answers rather than accepting partial ones. They might even recognise that they currently fill in the gaps for students. But their mental image of what “holding out” actually looks and sounds like in the moment might be completely wrong. Or, more commonly, incomplete. They’ve got the principle but they’re missing a move they’d never have thought of without seeing it modelled.

This matters because when the coachee goes into rehearsal without a model, they’re rehearsing against their own mental image rather than the coach’s conception of quality. If that image is incomplete, they’ll rehearse an suboptimal version of the technique, and both coach and coachee will spend rehearsal time fixing things the model would have prevented.

In the clip below, the coach explains the technique Right is Right clearly. The coachee understands it, can name their own bad habit (”I say ‘yes, and...’ and finish their sentence for them”), and agrees with why it matters. The coach decides modelling isn’t necessary and moves straight to rehearsal. The coachee immediately falls back into the old habit: they accept a partial answer and finish it for the student. On the second attempt, they push further but still accept an incomplete answer because they aren’t sure how far to go. Without having seen the technique done well, they have no reference point for what “holding out” actually looks like.

We model every time. Even when the coachee sounds like they understand. Even when it feels obvious. Especially when it feels obvious.

The model isn’t there to explain the technique. The coachee already understands it. The model is there to show them moves they wouldn’t have imagined on their own. It closes the gap between “I get the idea” and “I can picture exactly what to do.”

With Right is Right, the move most coachees don’t anticipate is the final step: asking the student to reassemble the complete answer in one sentence after you’ve drawn out all the pieces. Most coachees picture the technique as “keep asking until they get there.” But the model reveals that it’s “keep asking until they get there, then make them say the whole thing.” That final step is invisible until you see it. No amount of explaining surfaces it.

In the clip below, the coach models the technique even though the coachee says it’s not complicated. The coachee plays the student and gives partial answers. Afterwards, the coachee names the surprise: they hadn’t expected that final reassembly step. The model gave them something their understanding alone could not.

Let’s see it done better...

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