Long Days, Short Years

Six years ago, on the 10th March 2020, I wrote the following on my clinic blog It was written before the world went crazy in a moment of reflection.

“Towards the end of last year I was having a conversation with a friend and mentor regarding the difficulties of raising children especially in today’s society. He has 3 grown adult children and well I’m on the other side of the spectrum with 3 kids all under the age of 8. We swapped stories and ideas and during our conversation he turned to me and said “Sean when it comes to raising kids, you need to remember that the days are long but the years are short.”

When I had a chance to reflect on our conversation I couldn’t think of a better way to describe how relative time is when it comes to raising kids. They grow and develop so quickly and you have such a small window to guide and show them life. Most days feel like they stretch forever with parenting duties but you blink your eyes and your babies aren’t yours anymore. I clearly remember the first night we brought Lake home from hospital, having my sleep interrupted 5 or 6 times I thought, how do people survive this? This morning that same little guy, 8 years later was telling me I’m being rude and ruining his life (this isn’t paraphrased) all because I was hurrying him to get ready for school. Where has the time gone? What happened to 8 years?

I think time isn’t only relative to raising kids but to life in general. Albert Einstein would agree with me 😁. The early years of your life pass much slower than the later years as we age. This is because our early years are relative to the rest of our life. We’ve lived 7 years out of an average 80 years and so our perception is one of time passing slower

I’m turning 40 this year (my family reminds me of this often because one night after an extra glass or bottle of Pinotage, who can remember?, I promised to take everyone to Mauritius for my 40th) so I might have to start a “go fund me” page. But nearing 40 I find my years definitely do pass quicker as I reach the average midpoint of my life. My perception of time is quicker.

And so knowing that time will pass quicker for me (relatively) over the next few years I’ve realized that I’ve made the common mistake of thinkIng I have plenty of time. The truth is I don’t. Neither do you. I’m a bit of an agnostic when it comes to knowing what happens when I leave this life. I’m still deciding 😁 but I am here and I’m here now. I better make the most of the time I have left.

So the decisions I make should be in context of knowing that my days may feel long but in reality my years are going to be short. There are times when I need to show discipline and restraint and others where an extra slice of chocolate cake is necessary. There will be times when I’ll feel like I can’t go on, times when my kids will push my buttons and times when I feel isolated from family and friends. These are the long days. My little girl’s smile, my boys putting their hands in mine as we walk into school, Candice and my almost telepathic ability in playing 30 Seconds, a client’s 5 year struggle with back pain disappearing in 40 mins, these are all things that make up the short years. Time is relative.

Short years are made up of long days. Long days do come to an end (even when they feel like the might not) and short years are the fabric of our lives. Enjoy both because you think you have time. You don’t.”

For some reason, at about 04:30am on Monday, while learning the rosary this piece of writing popped back into my mind. I went back to it and the idea that history doesn’t repeat itself but it definitely rhymes is very clear in where I am 6 years later.

My kids have grown. I’ve gotten older. Hopefully wiser as well. Time without a doubt is passing by quicker A lot has happened. I’ve rebuilt my clinic after Covid. Run ultra marathons. Qualified as a school teacher. Candice and I have opened a coffee house, Blackout Brew. I’ve done plant medicine, started Catholic Catechism classes and found a centre of peace in my life around which the craziness swirls.

It doesn’t mean there is less chaos than there used to be. Life is still busy. Probably more now than it used to be with family commitments and the pace of life but my paradigm has changed. When I wrote that piece of writing, it was almost from a perspective of survival. Surviving the busyness of life and family. Today nothing has changed in how life operates but in the rhyme of the past my paradigm is one of acceptance and gratitude.

In other writing, I’ve often said the passing of time I won’t get back breaks my heart. I believe family is the foundation of civilisation, the only true thing that exists. I see my children growing and becoming and I realise Candice and I have been gifted a chance to watch the greatest show on earth from the front row. It doesnt mean its a smooth ride. Parenting is exhausting most days but that’s how I know we are doing something right.

Time I’ve lived I know is gone. I see my parents getting older and miss out on the lives of my siblings on other sides of the world. I see the harshness of life and its effects in my patients' lives. I see my friends battle life’s demons and I feel the realities of the Creator chipping away my rough edges so my kids won’t have to. Life hits hard but, for a brief moment in time, God has breathed me into existence to experience a gift.

This gift of long days and short years is the reason for living. The beautiful chaos of family and existence and the brief peak moments all squashed into a short space of time called a life. A precious gift thats starts and ends faster than we realise. So circling back to 2020, the lesson is the same but different today. Life is hard in the long days but passes by very quickly as short years. Enjoy whatever the experience is that you have been given. You think you have time. You don’t

Travel well.

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