Celebrating and Self-Imposed Solitude

So. Something wild happened… My scifi horror novel SHINY HAPPY PEOPLE won the Bram Stoker Award for Superior Achievement in a YA Novel.

WHAT.

This is my first time, well… winning. Anything. Especially an award like this. I’ve had the good fortune of being nominated before, but never, you know. So… yeah.

Can we just take a quick moment to see how f-ing cool the award itself is:

It has a cool TINY DOOR and everything!

This is a bit of an expanded version of my acceptance speech… because frankly, I lost my mind a little onstage.

I need to thank Alli Dyer most of all. She’s the reason this book even exists. Her, along with Peter Harris at Temple Hill, asked if I wanted to riff off of Invasion of the Body Snapchatters, updating the ol’ sci-fi chestnut for our modern tech-driven times. If it wasn’t for Alli and her endless encouragement, none of this would have happened.

To Kelsey Horton, my editor at Delacorte Press, along with Emma Leynse and Rachel Jensen and everyone at Random House Children’s Books… thank you.

It wasn’t something I planned initially, but this book helped me explore my own sense of anxiety—how, once it starts, it just doesn’t stop. That became the emotional core to this book and it’s main character, Kyra, which is how I found my way into this story.

We all have a little “anxiety ivy” inside ourselves. Some days, it’s small… and other days, it consumes us. Overwhelms us. Some days, we fight that thatch back.

Here’s the moment after I got the award:

Not gonna lie: I’d been dreaming of running a lap around the banquet hall at the Stokers just about as long as I’ve dreamed of ever receiving a Stoker.

I can’t thank the Horror Writers Association and all the volunteers at Stokercon enough for this immense honor.

I also need to thank the librarians. All the librarians. And the booksellers. Every last bookseller. To the readers, the podcasters… anybody and everybody who ever took a chance on this book—on me—and said, I believe in this book—thank you.

Thank you to my fellow nominees: Linda, Diana, Rin and Madeleine. Funny story: This is the second time Diana and I have been in the same category with each other for our YA novels. The last time Diana won at the International Thriller Awards. Diana, if you’re reading this, I’ll follow you wherever you want to get nominated next.

I wanted to get across that I’m still learning, that I feel like I have the ability to grow as a storyteller, and that I can’t do that alone. I’ve made it this far because of the belief and support and feedback from everyone around me, and I just want to keep getting better. So thanks to you, out there, for sticking with me and supporting me on this journey.

And thanks to my family, who surprised me with this when I got home:

I’m feeling really lucky right about now. Love you, two…

So. Time for my self conscious corner… because what’s a high without a little low?

Stokercon is intense. If you’ve never been, it’s the culminating event—Horror Prom—for authors and readers of the genre. This year, I think I heard there were upwards to a thousand people in attendance. There are readings, panels, banquets, you name it.

It’s a chance to hang out with friends and fellow authors. This was my fifth year going.

Look… I’m a fan. John Langan? A fan. Keith Rosson? Fan. Chris Panatier? Fan. Hailey Piper, Alma Katsu, CJ Leede? FAN, FAN, FAN. And they’re all there, milling about!

How can you be a human being at an event like this, where wherever you turn, there’s someone else you either have read or want to read? Even weirder: who have read you?

It’s overwhelming.

There’s a certain “on”-ness that’s tough to maintain, and I found myself flagging. Plus I was in my head the whole time leading up to the awards ceremony, psyching myself in-and-out of it all, and then AFTER winning, I was in my head the whole time for that, psyching myself out on the other end of the spectrum. I’m a joy to be around, let me tell you.

So many broken conversations were begun and left hanging… I saw so many people, people I consider friends, and yet, I’m running around because I don’t know what else to do but run. Keep busy. Keep active. Not rest, not relax and chill and hang and chat.

I need an activity. If I don’t have a task at hand, all I do is stew. So what do I do?

I ghost. I ghost a lot. You know how they say a shark can’t stay still? Otherwise it dies? I’m a shark ghost. A ghosting shark.

This may sound silly and self indulgent, but it’s what I come to substack to do these days. Air out my anxieties. Does it help? No. I’ll ghost next year, too, probably.

But look at Eric LaRocca—right there! And look at Sarah Langan—right there! Christa Carmen! Liz Kerin! Grady Hendrix! They’re all there!

A couple folks—Neil McRobert, Brian Keene, Chris Golden—would come up and ask: “You alright?” And it’s funny, because, yeah, I’m totally alright. I’m just being weird. What’s that grey area? The liminal space between being socially awkward and okay.

Does this make me fun to be around?

Nope.

Am I going next year?

Sure hope so.

See? What did I tell you? ANXIETY IVY. Here’s mine. I’m all wrapped up in it.

Here are some personal highlights of this year’s Stokercon:

Seeing Rachel Harrison during her own panel as a Guest of Honor was truly The Moment to remember on this trip. The sheer number of readers—of fans—for her work, of which I consider myself to be, was absolutely staggering. It was a shared moment, an honest and bare-souled celebration, and it felt truly communal. Agatha Andrews did a phenomenal job structuring the conversation around Rachel’s novels, while also giving the proceedings an organic and respectful tenor. It felt like a summation of Rachel’s work thus far, while acknowledging she’s just getting started.

I got to read my short story “treats,” from the upcoming ALL HALLOWS EVE anthology, edited by Ellen Datlow, for the very very first time. It was an extremely cathartic experience and I feel blessed to have shared it with such a warm crowd. I’d never read it before and honestly didn’t know what to expect… but as soon as I started and the audience clicked in, I just let the story take me, take us, wherever it wanted to go. The anthology itself comes out this September from Titan Books.

Buzzing About Books for Librarian’s Day was a blast for so many reasons, one of them being that DEVIL INSIDE was selected as one of their books to look for this year.

Writing is a gift. Publishing is a privilege. Having a chance to meet and hang out with other authors, meet readers, and celebrate HORROR is truly a peak experience.

I just want to appreciate it. Never take it for granted. My heart is there, my body is there. My head is just, well… spinning itself in circles.

Take care,

CMC