The Phantom of Oz, Installment #34

“Five minutes ’til places,” said the stage manager’s disembodied voice. People shuffled out of the green room. I followed the adult actors down a hall. Arrestadt wouldn’t be at rehearsal, but that wasn’t unusual—stage managers typically ran rehearsals once a show opened.

“Did I hear you’re understudying all of the women’s roles?” the Scarecrow asked me.

“Yep.”

“Wow,” said Madison, who was hanging out with the adults instead of the munchkins.

Wow, indeed. Good thing I didn’t really need to learn all those parts. Unless of course, I continued on with the tour. “For now though, I need to concentrate on Glinda’s role.”

“In case Candace doesn’t come back?” asked Madison.

I nodded. “But she will. I’m going to find her. Not just because she’s my friend, but because I don’t see how I could manage to play Glinda by Thursday.”

“Easy peasy lemon squeezy,” said the Lion. “You just climb into your spaceship, say a few lines, sing a song, wave a wand. Bob’s your uncle.”

“Bob is my uncle,” I said. “How did you know?”

“It’s a British term,” said the Tin Man. “Means ‘and there you have it.’ His folks are from Cornwall.”

“They live in Jolly’s Bottom,” said the Lion.

“You are making that up,” I said.

“He’s not,” said the Tin Man.

“It’s near Brown Willy,” said the Lion.

“He’s making that up,” said the Tin Man. “Brown Willy is miles from Jolly’s Bottom.”

“Right.” I glanced at Madison. She looked unruffled, like she’d heard it all before. “Back to Candy,” I said. “I’m worried about her. It’s not like her to just disappear like this.”

Eden made a sound in her throat.

“What?” I said. “Has she done this before?”

“She, uh, gets sick a lot.” She didn’t meet my eyes. “She’s never actually missed a show, but we’ve had to send people to her room to get her.”

“Remember that time we broke down the door?” said the Lion.

“We did not,” said the Tin Man. “We just asked the hotel manager to let us in.”

“Never spoil a good story with the truth,” said the Lion.

“Anyway,” I said, “what do you think happened to her?”

“I think she’s out partying somewhere,” said the Scarecrow.

“I think she checked herself into rehab,” said the Tin Man.

“Because of bulimia or the—” I was about to say drugs but caught Madison looking at me. Didn’t want her thinking she’d helped out an addict by getting her pills. And I couldn’t check out that idea anyway. It wasn’t like I could call up rehab centers and ask if Candy was there. Privacy was a good thing for patients, but it was a pain in a PI’s butt.

“I think Babette is hiding her,” said Eden. “She doesn’t seem overly worried that Candace is gone. And why else is she still hanging around?”

“She’s even posting about her,” said Madison. “Saying stuff like, ‘The ghost ate my new star.’”

“Ate her?” I asked.

“Well, maybe not that, but stuff like that.”

“You think Babette’s hiding her for publicity’s sake?” I asked Eden. “Isn’t that going overboard?” I didn’t add that I would have hoped Candy would tell me so I didn’t worry, mostly because I wasn’t sure about that anymore.

Eden shook her head. “Babette’s desperate.”

“She is?” I said.

“I heard her show is this close to being canceled,” said the Scarecrow.

“Maybe people are tired of watching her be mean to people,” I said.

“Did you see the post where she called Arrestadt a used snot rag?” said the Tin Man.

“What?” I said. “What does that even mean? And aren’t they friends or something? Why else would he let her sit in on his auditions?”

“Probably owes her,” said the Lion. “Everyone who’s made it in Hollywood owes somebody.”

“She’s close to being canceled because she hasn’t found a star yet,” the Scarecrow said with authority.

It was true. None of Babette’s It Girls had gone on to do anything of note. “But what about this Itty Bitty Star show?”

“The network bought her pitch hoping the shows would feed off each other.”

“How do you know all this?” I asked the Scarecrow.

“Gossip is my first language,” he replied.

“I don’t think either show will make it,” Eden said, “because Babette is a vampire.”

“What?” Madison’s eyes were big.

“Babette sucks the souls out of all those poor actresses. There has to be some karmic retribution.”

I hoped so. “Where is Babette staying?”

“She won’t tell,” said the Scarecrow. “But she only stays in five-star hotels.”

The Tin Man looked at me with a grin. “There can’t be that many five-star hotels in Phoenix,” he said. “And since you’re a detective, you can find out, right?”

“Oh yeah,” Madison said. “I forgot. Candace told us you’re like Nancy Drew. Whoever that is.”

Good thing I hadn’t planned to go undercover.

“Are you?” Eden cocked her head, regarding me. “Are you our very own Nancy Drew?”

“I am,” I said. “And I’m going to find Candy before Thursday’s show.”