Bernard Hinault is the wrong answer

Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog

Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog

Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog

Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog

Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog

Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog Pog

I was tempted to just put the paywall marker right here and leave it at that for all the freeloaders who refuse to subscribe - but I won’t. I’ll tease them out a little bit longer.

Look at all the Pogs there. I think if you stare at that wall of Pogs you lose your mind a bit and I think you actually begin to start to see Tadej Pogacar’s face.

That is the tally of wins that Pogacar has racked up every year from 2019 to 2026. Every one of those has been a Pogging. Some more so than others. He’s really ramped up it up a notch at this Vuelta. He attacked on stage-whatever-it-was and went solo with 50km to go. That was his longest solo win in a Grand Tour ever. Beating his record of 42.7km from Stage 6 of the Tour earlier this year.

I can attack you with stats if you like. All the things that Pog has just done or is just about to do. He’ll be the first rider to win all three jerseys at a Grand Tour since Laurent Jalabert at the Vuelta in 1995. He’ll be the first rider to lead a Grand Tour from start to finish since Tony Rominger at the Vuelta in 1994. He is now the most successful world champion since Freddy Maertens won 35 races after he won the Worlds in 1976. Pog has now won 22 races in this spell as world champion, surpassing Tom Boonen’s tally of 21 after he won in 2005.

Here’s one that isn’t really about Pogacar even though it involves him. Matt Brennan might be about to do something. If he wins a third stage of this Vuelta he would be the first rider to win three stages on their Grand Tour debut since… Tadej Pogacar in 2019.

A question for you. A puzzler. One to ponder.

Who was the last rider to win FOUR stages on their Grand Tour debut?

While you have a little think on that I will marvel at what an incredible achievement that actually is.

Grand Tours are hard. Really bloody hard. The usual saying that we all say is, I think, actually true - if they didn’t exist and someone suggested creating one now, there is absolutely no way that they would be allowed to exist. Grand Tours are preposterous. Three weeks?! Three?! It’s insane.

More often than not when a rider makes their Grand Tour debut, its like a toe in the water. There are zero expectations and the rider is just there to gain experience of what a Grand Tour is like. This is true of lowly domestiques but it’s also largely true of the great champions of the sport too.

To be good enough and fit enough and, I think most importantly, to be trusted by your team enough, even though a rider has never ridden one before, to be backed by your team in your own quest to win stages, even though most of the your teammates have probably ridden plenty before and you haven’t, is quite something. For a rider to be able to step into that arena and instantly deliver.

Matt Brennan has been making it seem routine. And his tick-the-box-thanks-to-all-my-teammates-look-forward-to-the-next-race answers are glossing over the fact that he is in the middle of something really quite amazing. (I know I’m being harsh, I know he’s still practically a teenager. I’m sorry).

Have you thought of an answer yet? Last rider to win four stages on their Grand Tour debut?

Did you think it might have been Eddy Merckx?

WRONG. That imposter only won two stages on his Grand Tour debut

Did you think it might have been Mark Cavendish?

WRONG. He actually rode and abandoned the Tour in 2007 before he started gobbling Grand Tour stage wins the following year.

Did you cheat?

Did you Google it?

Well then. Let’s see what Google’s AI sloppybollocksology search reveals.

I must admit at this point, I had prepared a smarmy response littered with smarm. Alas, I have made a bollocks of my own setup and I am refusing to go back and edit what I’ve already written. Also, I have just now typed in a slightly different search into Google which has revealed quite a different but equally sloppy response, which I find equally amusing. Let’s dig in. And I will course correct as we go.