I am awoken by a word. It feels important, I might need to write it down I think. Also, it’s still dark out. I have a strict no phones at night rule because I prioritize sleep above all else. And yet, I am not even sure the word I am seeing. It feels like euphonium, but I know that is not it. That is the baby tuba thing my son played in middle school band.
Eudonia? Hmmm. I lay there, awake, unable to fall back asleep because of this word.
And then my alarm goes off. Well, I guess the word wanted to make sure I was on time for yoga class. (One of the students still beat me there.)
Normally I wake up with a song in my head. I can only think of a few scant times it was a word. Usually I never know what the word is until I look it up.
The last time this happened was in the fall on the last day of this amazing astrology retreat I was attending. It wasn’t even an English word, but fortunately one of my retreat neighbors and new friend had the answer for me.
Elatadorio was the word.
Here is what I wrote back then:
Sunday, October 19: 2025
I am laying in bed, it is the last day of the retreat. I am changed. I am not 100% sure how it works or what comes next but I feel different since this experience.
I had a dream this morning that I was on a beach. It felt like Hawaii. I can see the palm trees and the black sand. The mountains off in the distance, across the ocean. I have only really seen that in Hawaii.
I see her down the beach a ways. I am excited to see her and so I wave.
She comes running to me, worried. She is wearing a brightly colored bathing suit, a one piece with a draped neck on it. It seems unlike her to both be wearing this style of suit and to be worried about me. I tell her I am 53 years old and she doesn’t need to worry about me. (In reality, I was 51)
I am concerned that she is concerned.
And that’s the dream really.
As I am laying in bed thinking about this, I see a word in my head.
Elatadorio.
I see it, white letters on a black “screen.”
What does this mean I wonder?
Latin class comes in, look at the root. Is it from elated?
Seems like it would have a common root.
And then I look it up on Google.
There is no such word.
But there is one very close to it, that they seem to think I have misspelled. Also I think it is Spanish.
aleatorio: means unexpected outcome. Coincidence. Unpredictable.
I freeze at this, is this good luck or bad luck?
It takes me a while to work through this, my immediate knee-jerk is negative of course. My stomach gets nervous.
I ask Isobel what it means, she starts to tell me a word, but then says she wants to tell me later. In fairness, she is about to get in the shower.
Why didn’t I ask her in the pool this morning?
I tell Sara and Megan about it. Sara tries to figure the word out - was it two words or one?
I think it was one word.
Also, notable. Today the Sun shines on Uranus in my chart. The moon shines on Pluto, as it does every month, this is not usually a favorite day.
But today actually was really great.
When we gathered in the circle this morning, I was almost at a loss for words. I didn’t talk for a while, I was feeling overwhelmed.
But then I finally did speak and I was choked up. I told them when I was arrived I was feeling really lost. Unsure of what to do next.
I still didn’t really have the answers but I don’t think that I have ever felt as cared for as I had this past week.
Sure, even as I write this, I am thinking of times when people have cared for me.
Most of them are after surgeries.
But also, I don’t really care for myself all that much either, except to get healing services.
I ate like a queen this week. The breakfasts, the yummy yogurt and compotes. Dare say I ate dessert for every meal. At least for lunch and dinner. And I did not care and I didn’t feel bad.
Is it true I just need to change my mindset?
Maybe so.
Because I was surrounded by so much love and nurture and creativity and emotions and depth and healing and laughter.
These women all come back, year after year.
Fascinating really.
In this moment, would I go back? Yes, without question. I want my life to be able to support this sort of activity. Both financially and spiritually.
I kept having all these ideas since I am here.
The her in the dream of course was my mother. Always my mother, and she is often on a beach which does not surprise me at all.
The aleatorio that happened that day as I made my way to the Burbank airport was I walked right in the airport, no line at security and walked up to a flight that was on it’s last boarding call. If I got on this flight, I would change my connection and get home almost 3 hours sooner.
So I ask the woman at the counter, “Hey is there any way I can get on this flight to Denver?”
She asks to see my reservation. She notes that I am going to Buffalo, not Denver. I explain the connections and my desire to get home, she simply adds me to that flight. I have to check my bag she says because I am so late. This is fine I think, and I board without any trouble.
The flight was smooth, I found an amazing gluten free veggie taco I could at eat the Denver airport and I make it home hours ahead of schedule.
Bazinga!
Or aleatorio? An unexpected outcome for sure!
A week earlier I likely would not have even attempted to get on that flight due to my sometimes negative thought loop, but it was like I was escorted energetically to that gate. And the rest just fell into place.
So this morning when I realize my word is not about the baby tuba but is in fact a Greek word, rife with philosophical meaning it gives me pause.
Eudaimonia? I never heard of it. How do I conjure these things up?
Basically, it speaks of human flourishing or living well. And not just a flash in the pan, but a lasting state of fulfillment.
I will take that! No knee jerk fear around this one.
You see, I have been in a bit of a funk lately. I am chronically tired, I am working a ton and not pulling in the money I need to sustain my business.
I am at a spiritual crossroads for sure.
This word gives me hope that there is more to come. To stay the course, to keep going. I make a mental note to stay positive all day, well as long as I can. Life is still going to be life after all, of this I am certain.
I decide to spend part of my day on a Zoom office hours call with my Human Design teacher who is brilliant and inspiring. I decide this in spite of all the work I need to do right now, in spite of my afternoon of appointments and my never ending fatigue.
It was just what I needed to get a little zip in my step.
I sat outside with the dogs and participated from under the patio umbrella, the rain still holding off.
And as I go to make my way back in the house, I see this giant, neon green caterpillar. One like you might see in a children’s book, or animated movie. It was almost comical how big and green it was.
I quickly step in front of it, to protect from the curious eyes and mouth of Benny and we all make our way inside.
Of course I have to look this up, what sort of caterpillar is it, and more importantly, what sort of moth does it become? I LIVE for these moments, the simplest most magical ones that show up organically.
It is a polyphemus moth and it turns into an extremely stunning, very large moth with eyes on its wings.
The spiritual meaning of the Polyphemus moth centers on deep transformation, heightened intuition, and protection. Named after the giant one-eyed Cyclops from Greek myth, this large nocturnal creature uses the prominent "eyes" on its wings to watch over and deter negativity.
From Greek myth you say?
Eudaimonia indeed.
I will take it. Thank you universe and whomever puts foreign words in my brain.
It is a member of the Saturniidae family in taxonomy terms.
Saturn you say?
This week marks the end of Saturn as my monthly time lord. And wow, have I felt Saturn these last two months. Nothing like making you do the work, and push past the ugly to acheive your goals and learn your lessons.
Aristotle does say that eudamonia doesn’t come from just one joyful day, but in purposeful living, working hard to make the most of whatever situation you are put in. It’s a state of mind rather than a feeling.
So one neon green caterpillar does not make a life complete? No, but I swear if I see that moth it might.
A reminder that everything has it’s season and life cycle. That trusting is essential and not every day is meant to be rainbows and sunshine. But if you pay attention and stick with your own inner knowing, you can make the most of what you have.
And I think that is the most beautiful thing I have heard in a while.
The synchroncity of all of this, on this day before a very epic full moon have me feeling all sorts of things.
But mostly, I am feeling grateful. For noticing, for taking time to do things that aren’t for a deadline and to just have the space to be here.
Sigh, isn’t nature a wonderful thing?
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