Lightness Has a Call That’s Hard to Hear

I put Dolly on as I’m sure most of us did this morning while I emptied the dishwasher.

Let Spotify work it out and shuffle, I thought. Love or hate Spotify, I do appreciate the way it just knows what you might need to hear next.

It’s also funny because I’ve been fighting a summer cold the last couple days. I’m meant to be resting but damn I have the hardest time doing nothing.

Why is it so hard to just rest and be? And so I emptied the dishwasher.

As it’s shuffling the songs that follow are good ones that I haven’t heard in a while. Leave it to Dolly to inspire a trip down memory lane.

Closer to fine comes on, the classic by the Indigo Girls.

I’m sure I’ve heard this song 10,000 times. I even saw them play once when I was much younger. I was in the balcony at Shea’s Buffalo and we sang and danced along with them.

How had I never really absorbed the words before?

The less I seek my source for some definitive the closer I am to fine.

That. Right there. Confirmation that we all have demons but they don’t all need to be released. Stop seeking. Just live.

Well, darkness has a hunger that’s insatiable
And lightness has a call that’s hard to hear
And I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it
I’m crawling on your shores

Yes, I can attest, darkness does have a hunger that’s insatiable.

And yes lightness has a call that’s hard to hear.

Why is it so much harder to see our light?

Why do we prefer to dwell in the darkness and try and solve the mystery of it?

Here’s the thing. There is no mystery.

Drum roll….

None of us were held the way we wanted to be as children. For some it was much worse than for others. I do not mean to make light of this truth or to diminish someone’s experience. I see people in great pain all of the time. It’s a wound that can live with us for life, coloring our experiences and choices for better or worse.

Because our parents were not held the way they wanted. Or their parents. You see where I am going.

And honestly, parenting is hard. We can’t even figure ourselves out half the time. How can we also know how to do the best for a child while similar to us, is also different in so many ways. And it’s not until we become a parent that we realize that you can love someone to pieces and still not know exactly how to make them feel whole.

And that is the essence of being human.

It’s hard. We are sensitive, and delicate in some ways. But also we are beautifully resilient.

It is a fruitless activity. It gets you nowhere good.

And to boot, there are entire industries built on telling you what is wrong with you. If you just do this differently, eat more protein, sleep this way, stand this way when you take a picture…

Every single one of those things is built on the premise that the way you are doing something is not ok as is.

We already lived a lifetime of that, and I for one am sick of it.

And then we enter relationships in the hope that the person will fill the holes of what we are missing.

From my seat at the table, there is nothing that messes people up more than bad relationships.

People stop trusting their judgement, and they stop trusting people period.

And then they enter the next relationship with their guard up. They don’t enter fully as themselves. They keep things in check, not to be played a fool again.

Only your heart is not meant to be contained. It is meant to be free and flow. It doesn’t work well when it’s chained up. So we are essentially setting ourselves up to fail.

Butterfly, you will see, you are so much stronger than you think you are

This is my charge in life.

I was not held the way I wanted to be as a child.

So then I did the bad relationship.

I spent most of my life moving through the darkness looking for the problem.

Is it me? What have I missed? What am I doing wrong?

I only found more darkness based on lies and beliefs that are old and outdated.

What if, as you are kicking around the darkness, you find a way out? There is light there. Paved with good intentions, your humanity and self love.

It is built on learning about you, your gifts and the things you have learned to tuck away to keep people happy. Lest they be overwhelmed with your greatness or blinded by your light.

You are beautiful just as you are. Eat what brings you joy, and if that is protein great. If it is not, that is great too.

The more we do what feels aligned to us, away from what we are told to be or do, the closer we get to fine.

That is what I am here for.

Helping people excavate their gifts.

Period.

We have all been sitting on a gold mine all this time. Looking in all the wrong places. It’s time to excavate.

It’s been a long dark night
And I have been waiting for the morning
It’s been a long hard fight
But I see a brand new day a dawning
I’ve been looking for the sunshine
You know I ain’t see it in so long
But everything’s gonna work out just fine
And everything’s gonna be all right
That’s been all wrong
Cause I can see the light of a clear blue morning…

PS May God rest your soul you precious Capricorn queen. 😇

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