I’m Learning to Let Motherhood Be Annoying

It was a graduation party and someone’s little kid fell and scraped his knee. Another mom, “a pro mom,” made a bandaid appear and asked if anyone had a lollipop. BAM: crying stopped, happy kid and the adult party continued without a hitch.

Woah, I thought, that was so smooth.

At the time, I was the kind of mom (of 2) who was baby-wearing an infant while carrying a thrashing, tantrum-toddler out of a playground. It was so bad that multiple strangers asked how they could help me and I just smiled and ran with my muscles burning everywhere in pain.

I didn’t know what else to do. I felt helpless and bad at my job. “How could I have prevented this,” I wondered?

Did he have stable blood sugar? Should I have left the park sooner so he more time to transition to lunch? Should I avoid that playground next time? Pack snacks? Is this going to make him hate parks or me?

The most painful thing about it all was my “non-pro mom” feeling of failure.

Over the years I started finding ways to anticipate resistance and head it off at the pass.

I learned from watching other parents and figuring out my own kids’ personalities/motivations.

Fast forward to years later and more kids- I was at a children’s science center in the cafe portion when one of my kids went into a major meltdown. Everyone was staring at me-it was a big one.

I didn’t panic like I used to. I felt calm and I very quickly packed up our things and walked out. A transition, pointing out a distracting robot and change of scenery quickly switched off the outburst.

Even if those things didn’t work, I knew I could confidently exit the area in a way much cooler than I used to. I mean-this is a normal thing, right?

I had arrived. I saw people looking at me like a “pro-mom!”

• Packing every possible solution to any potential need/problem

• Rabidly adhering to schedules

• Anticipating every possible objection or obstacle to the next event or transition-leaving the park for example.

• Setting up the home so I could outthink their boredom or any disorganization chaos

• Blaming and becoming upset when my husband wasn’t working as hard mentally to super-anticipate and prepare like me.

I mean, couldn’t he see that the little desert before nap time was a totally bad move?

Fights

Noise

Mess

Interruptions

Repeating myself

Everything taking forever-right before bedtime

There are the problems I can solve and there is the price I pay for turning these “normal” things of motherhood into my failures.

• The unexpected effect acceptance has had on my relationship with my husband

• What I’m letting my kids experience instead of trying to always prevent

• How I’m deciding what’s worth my mental energy and what’s not

• Why acceptance is not the same as giving up or lowering my standards (a big fear in my life)

• The mantra I use when my brain wants to scream “this could have been prevented.”

I talk about things here that I don’t share anywhere else on the internet… Let’s begin!