The Asterisk in My Journal

“Of one thing I am perfectly sure: God’s story never ends with ‘ashes.’”
— Elisabeth Elliot

A rite of passage in recovery is telling your life story to your therapy group.

This was an assignment I was tasked with at twenty years old while I was journeying through eating disorder recovery. I agonized over this undertaking for days, typing my life account diligently with every spare moment I had. My shame was screaming loudly, and my story felt not worth telling. My perfectionistic tendencies were nearing a full-blown panic as I tried to piece every part together just right.

The night before I was to share it, I went to print my story from the computer, only to find that it had disappeared. The computer had glitched. Every word was gone. I was distraught.

Last week, as this memory resurfaced while I was beginning this reflection on John 14, I paused to dust off an old journal from that season of my life. I wondered if I had written about the day I lost my story. Perhaps I had tried to block it out, because I found no record of it. But I could hardly believe what I did find…

On a page from that exact same week in April 2005, I had jotted down every one of Jesus’ “I Am” statements. And at the bottom of that page, marked with an asterisk, was this sentence:

I need to know that Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

There I was—with my disordered eating and my troubled heart—believing I had lost my story and lost my way. I had internalized so many lies, and my life felt like it was falling apart in every direction. And yet God was with me. His Word was an ember, sparking life in me, pointing me back to Himself and reminding me to trust Him. He was teaching me to see Jesus as the way to flourishing life.

*The disciples need to know that Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

Jesus speaks to his disciples on the night before He is crucified:

“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms… And you know the way to where I am going.”

Thomas said to him, “Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?”

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” — John 14:1–6

The disciples were confused. They wanted a path forward. They wanted directions and clarity about what was coming next. Jesus reassures them that the story is not over. Even more, he is telling them that His very life is their story. Jesus isn’t simply offering better directions for a better life; He is declaring Himself to be the only way to the Father.

*I need to know that Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

When the story I was preparing to share was erased, it exposed how fragile the life I was trying to rebuild really was. Recovery is a lot about learning to find the way again. It is about replacing lies with truth and relearning how to live your life. I, too, wanted a path forward. Yet more than wanting a paved way or a polished plan, I needed to long for Him.

I lost my written story in a time when I also felt lost in my life, and by God’s grace I found the one true grounding story of hope through Jesus. Twenty-one years later, I still need to know every day that Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. We can consider it a privilege to experience God’s patience to teach us over and over again to daily depend on Him.

*You need to know that Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life

It’s not Jesus + our preferred way.

It’s not the lies we believe + choosing a little of God’s truth.

It’s not fitting Jesus into our first choices in life.

It’s following the One who doesn’t simply tell us the way to go, he IS the way.

It’s believing in the One who is incapable of lying because he IS the truth.

It’s choosing the One who has promised us eternity because he IS the life.

In a world that urges us to make our own way, define our own truth, and construct our own life, Jesus gently reminds us that troubled hearts are not mended by self-reliance. Instead of fretting about how you are going to shape your story, let God shape His story into you.

No matter where you are on your journey, Jesus can make sense of your story right now. We can be confident in this because the personal, particular path that pertains only to you, is lovingly nestled into a greater plan He has been writing from the very beginning. God the Father is the author, Jesus is the hero, and we are graciously invited into his redemptive story…where one day our Father’s faithfulness will bring His work in us to completion.