“No!“ – “Or maybe yes?”

Saying “no” to someone can be tricky. This is particularly the case when personal relations and personal feelings are involved. In a business context, however, at least in Western cultures, “no” is a common word in the vocabulary of negotiations and engagement with (potential) business partners.

This is different in China. Earlier editions of Chinese Culture Bites talked about the importance of personal relationships and face-giving. These two factors also need to be taken into consideration when saying “no” to someone. This is also independent of whether you say “no” in a private or in a business context. If you are interested in maintaining a good future relationship with a person also – and particularly – in a professional context, you should avoid saying “no” directly to someone and in their face. This would be considered impolite and makes the other person lose face.

Nevertheless, occasionally we still need to refuse something. Chinese culture acknowledges that as well. However, there are different ways of saying “no” and sometimes they sound like something else to Westerners, who are used to a more direct form of communication. When “no” is not a cultural option, a statement such as “we will think about it” can mean “no” clouded in politeness. Equally, when asking someone to take care of something and the response is “we will do our best”, it is wise not to count on the task to actually be fulfilled. The same is the case if there is general agreement on a matter, but when trying to follow up on it, there is no further engagement or no response to messages or email. That generally also means “no” on this particular matter. It is still worth cultivating the relationship but probably not worth trying to pursue a particular project further.

Another frequent situation is the issue of refusing alcohol during a business dinner or sometimes even during a private function. The excessive consumption of alcohol has for a long time been a hallmark of business engagements and dinners in China and it is hard to refuse participation in that, let alone stop drinking somewhere along the way. The safest and most polite way to circumvent any such issues is to refuse drinking any alcohol from the beginning onwards and do so on medical grounds. The statement “my doctor doesn’t allow me to drink” is the most polite and most successful way to circumvent partaking in the boozy part of business dinners.

In summary, saying “no” in Chinese culture is not a direct statement, but it is couched either in indirect and non-committal phrases like “we will think about it” or in easy-to-see-through and generally accepted excuses like “my doctor doesn’t allow me to drink”. The most important consideration in the process is to always give the other person face and remember that the long-term positive relationship is the most important asset to cultivate.