BooHoo and WooHoo

Let’s begin with the bummer news.

I was supposed to be in Toronto right now and kicking off an Eastern Canadian tour of A Little Bit Much this Friday. But alas, plans have changed.

There’s been a medical emergency in my family, and I need to be home for a while. Details are not mine to share publicly at this time. Thanks for the well wishes from those of you who’ve already been notified through the venues, and please don’t worry.

New tour dates will be announced soon and are likely in early fall.

On celebratory notes, two things. I just spent a week in New York, which was all kinds of awesome. Updates for another time. But one cute moment I’ll tell you about is walking down a busy street in Brooklyn with my friend Elizabeth, as a gazillion motorbikes fly past all loud and annoying. She covers my ears in a panic and yells, “Y’all, quiet! She’s from the forest!!!”

I felt so seen.

I’m home now. It’s quiet here except for the Ravens. It’s spring, and those witches have opinions. Do you know that a group of Ravens is called either a Conspiracy or an Impoliteness? Outstanding. We’re waiting for Jesus to return (our resident woodpecker who pecks inside our chimney). It’s so bloody loud it sounds like a pipe about to burst, rattling through the house. Startled guests inevitably yell, “Jesus, what’s that sound?!” Hence his name. Also, his predictable return during Holy Week.

The OTHER thing I want to tell you about is Tarzan Kay’s Girl Boss Apology Tour!

When she first reached out to me to ask if I wanted to participate in it, I had three thoughts:

1. GREAT summit name, hilarious.

2. Count me in, whatever Tarzan is doing, I want to play (more on that later).

3. I never got into the “Girl Boss” thing, and I don’t have anything to apologize for (except maybe to myself). Is this a tour for people who got a lil’ overzealous in the ol’ online marketing game, did some dumb and unethical stuff and want to come clean about it?

This is part of what drew me in. Tarzan and I have been talking behind the scenes about the title and the summit’s ethos. She’s funny and playing an angle, but also, what part of this title is tongue in cheek, and what part of this is a move to reckon with some of the weirdness (elephant of an understatement) of the online business space?

People keep telling her, “Women apologize too much!” I don’t know, girl, some people should be.

I coached people in this space since 2009, BEFORE INSTAGRAM, and let me tell you: A lot of people have gotten really hurt. Or burned. Or felt like they’re utterly failing at things that everyone else is killing it at. Mirages abound. Snake oil highlights reels high on their own supply.

One of the things I’m grateful for, having coached some wildly successful people across industries early in my career, is that I got invited into the reality of people’s inner worlds and businesses. So as the house of cards intensified on the internet, I could be like, naw this ain’t real. Some people are doing as well as they say they are by all measures claimed. Most aren’t.

And the ones who are transparent about the hard things, it’s often after the heat or the bleed (myself included). Which, fair enough, we don’t owe people the play-by-play of struggle while we’re in it. I coach this in storytelling; there’s a line between telling a vulnerable story and trauma dumping. Most of us need time to process what we’re in before we’re ready to share, especially with any kind of earned wisdom to lead with. But “performing vulnerability” has even become a gimmick to sell solutions. I’ve talked about this before and satirized it here. The model that emerged from what I sincerely believe was once just people opening up about challenges they’ve been through has turned into a sales arc:

1. I used to struggle with this thing (that you’re currently struggling with).

2. I tried everything (that you’ve also tried and will recognize).

3. It all came to a head (connect with my vulnerability and bravery).

4. I had a breakthrough (that you haven’t had yet).

5. I have a solution to your pain (buy my shit).

This isn’t inherently bad or dishonest, but what it’s created is an online culture of performed relatability, selling solutions while oversimplifying the entrepreneurial journey and reinforcing a belief that if people aren’t getting promised results, it’s their personal failure (and not a whole ass industry with distorted claims).

The Girl Boss Apology tour is a complication of conversations with people in the online business space, having real conversations about the bat-shit-bananas-ness of it all and how to make a living doing things in real alignment.

It’s for the people with online businesses who are frustrated because they’re not where they want to be, and aren’t sure if what they’ve been sold is real or a lie. I got a little feisty in my interview.

After I had one of those “oh shoot, what did I say?” moments. Little shame hangover. But that’s some Tarzan magic. She makes you feel like you’re hanging with a pal, and before you know it, you’re on a Let Me Tell You soap box. Spoiler, no, I don’t think “Girl Boss” is an empowering term or ever has been.

Go check out the Girl Boss Apology Tour. It starts April 13!

LoveLove

Chela