DATELINE: BRADENTON FLORIDA

DATELINE: BRADENTON FLORIDA
FROM THE DESK OF THIS REPORTER ON GOLF AND
TIGER WOODS
ARTICLE TITLE; OF COURSE I AM AN EXPERT ON VIEWING
THIS PHOTO OF TIGER IN MID SWING!

Well not that I am an expert on everything, but even a trained eye such as my left one can clearly see the problem that the old Tiger is having in the distance department specifically! Notice the size of that vein in his right arm next to the elbow. You see that is creating some drag with his ability to fully capture wind speed! Thus creating a wind drag which causes the ball to slow during the elevation process ever so slightly; that'd be to the tune of about 1.73 degrees north by northwest causing friction with the circulation of the earth moving on its axis, causing extra spray in the north eastern part of the south Pacific. This in turn sends the wind speed northward in search of finding which particular hole that Tiger has swung his club on most recently. There by passing him and with a final puff of wind, it is knocking the ball short by oh I would say 30 yards at least! If you check when he was playing in his hay days you will conclude that my measurements are spot on dare I say. Especially when he played Pebble Beach, usually on Tuesdays! Lastly, if you are still reading this you must know the answer to your very own question. Yes of course I can read a mind such as the one you are carrying around. Geeze, what do you take me for a schmuck? Well anyway, I am a self trained Golfer who shot 119 the first time out with no lessons whatsoever! And wouldn't you know it, that feat took place on just the front 9! So do not question my calculations please, I have been in a couple of very windy days don't ya know! Ask Tiger, somebody out there you know who you are, get this to Tiger, and I am 100% certain, he will not like that I have let onto that big "Vein" swing that's apparently bringing his balls down! What, what did I say? What do you mean the story is over? Where is the editor, I want to write another 18 sentences darn it!

Herbert Eric Stephens
Golfers Not Weekly Magazine
12/06/2023
December Issue
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