Blueprints

No video today. But I want to write about the one above.

It is a video of a father standing with his three children while a woman, his wife [I assume], reads a series of statements.

"If the statement is true of your life," she says, "take a step forward."

"Your father attended one of your graduations." The children step forward.

"Your father hugged you and kissed you as a child." Another step.

"Your father read the Scriptures to you." Another step.

"Your father took you to the park." Another step.

Statement after statement, the children keep moving forward.

Their father never moves.

At first, you think the exercise is about them…showing his kids what they have. By the end, you realize it is about him… he is showing them what he didn’t.

It’s powerful.

More times than not, faithful fatherhood looks like giving your children something you never had… The older I get, the more I realize that my past can explain me without controlling me.

Some men inherit a blueprint. Others have to build one.

All of us fathers will repeat what was modeled for us. And by the grace of God, we can decide which things will stop with us and which things will start with them. That’s generational faithfulness. You don’t have to despise your father to do better than your father. You don’t have to rewrite the past or pretend it didn’t hurt. You just decide that whatever was missing behind you does not stay missing in front of you.

You may not have been hugged, but you can hug them.

You may not have heard, "I’m proud of you," but you can say it until your children are tired of hearing it.

You may not have had someone open the Bible with you, pray over you, take you fishing, show up at the park, or sit on the edge of your bed at night. But you can.

What I love about the man in the video is that at some point, he broke the cycle. He absorbed the absence. Then he refused to pass it on.

As men, that is part of our calling.

We take what is good and strengthen it.

We take what is broken and, by God’s grace, repair it.

We take what is absent and supply it.

And one day, Lord willing, our children will stand higher and farther down the road than we ever did, not because we gave them an easy life, but because we gave them something we never had.

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As I rewatched the video, I began measuring myself against it. I have four kids, one daughter and three sons. I found myself asking, "What will they remember about my presence, my words, my faith, my affection? What am I putting into them now that I hope they will one day give their children then?"

I certainly don’t have it all figured out. But as I think about the men I want my sons to become and the woman I want my daughter to become, I know a few things they absolutely need from me…

Three things every son needs from his dad

1. Affirmation… "I see you."

A son needs to know his father notices him, enjoys him, and is proud of him. Not just in the big moments [when he performs, wins, or achieves], but in the little ones. He needs to hear: “You are my son, and I delight in you,” on the ordinary days.

2. Direction … "Let me show you."

Boys need fathers who teach them how to become men—how to work, handle failure, treat women, control their strength, keep their word, repent, pray, and follow Jesus.

Manhood should not be something a boy has to discover from the internet.

3. Commission … "You’re ready. Go."

At some point, a father has to call the man out of the boy. Give him responsibility. Trust him. Challenge him. Send him.

A son needs to know his father believes he can carry weight.

Three things every daughter needs from her dad

1. Delight… "I enjoy you."

A daughter needs more than provision. She needs affection, attention, laughter, hugs, dates, and presence. She should never have to wonder whether her father delights in being her dad.

2. Security… "I’m here."

She needs a father who is steady, present, protective, and trustworthy. His strength should make home feel safer, not more frightening.

His presence teaches her what faithful masculine strength looks like.

3. Blessing… "You are valuable."

A father’s words carry tremendous weight in a daughter’s life. Tell her she is beautiful, certainly, but also tell her she is wise, strong, courageous, gifted, and deeply loved.

She needs to know her worth before the world starts bidding for it.

None of these things require a perfect father. They require an intentional, present one. A father willing to say the words. Give the hug. Open the Bible. Talk the walk. Keep the promise. Apologize when he gets it wrong. And get up tomorrow and do it again.

By the grace of God, our children will take steps we never got to take. They will enter marriage with things we learned the hard way. They will parent with memories we never had. They will know truths, experience affection, and possess a security that [perhaps] took us decades to find.

And when they do, thank God for the head start. That’s the point.

A faithful father spends his life paving the way and putting things beneath his children’s feet so they can go where he never went and stand where he never stood.

By all means, let’s give them something to stand on.

For the King,

— Harp