Greetings, dear reader! Summer is winding into fall, and I’m midway through my self-growth reflection mini-series that I’m calling Self-Growth Summer Lessons. This is part three. In part one, I wrote about Interval Journaling, and in part two, I shared my 10x3 Gratitude Practice. Now, I’d like to tell you about an activity I’ve named Déjà Fun.
Déjà in French means “already,” but becomes a word/noun with a deeper meaning, almost like already-ed, when applied to concepts like déjà vu (already-seen) or déjà-rêvé (already dreamed), and this is the way I’m using it with my new term—déjà fun. Already-ed-Fun.
So, what do I mean by this word pairing? Déjà Fun is the practice of identifying something in your life, from your past, perhaps adolescence, college, or some very happy time, and then deliberately recreating that experience.
It is about repeating a joyous, unique experience that you previously thought would happen only once. Ideally, you want to do this with the same people/person you did the first experience with, though you could also do it alone.
This is kind of like repeating wedding vows, but for random magical things you did with friends.
I practiced Déjà Fun twice this summer, and it was glorious. I’ll share what I gleaned from the experiences in the final section of this post.
To begin, think about the happiest times of your life that you thought would only occur once. Jot them down.
Read your list and consider which experiences could be repeated realistically.
Déjà Fun doesn’t need to be exact reenactments with the precision of the TV show The Rehearsal; Déjà Fun can be adaptations, but you want to capture the gist, and get the buy-in of the people you were with the first time around, because everything is more fun with friends.
Déjà Fun doesn’t need to be an elaborate or expensive trip. It could be as simple as restaging a photo you took together or meeting up to play a video game, sport, or musical instrument you played together as kids.
Get your people and details together, then plan and execute your Déjà Fun repeat experience.
For example, in high school, I went for a summer choir program at Westminster Choir College in Princeton, New Jersey, with my friend Heather, who is still a friend. I remember feeling total joy while singing with her in the beautiful cathedrals where we performed. We would rehearse for a week, singing almost all day, every day, and drinking loads of water, and I loved every second of it.
Now, could Heather and I attend that same choir camp again? No, we couldn’t, because it’s for kids, but to practice Déjà Fun, I could invite Heather to join me on a trip back to the Westminster Choir College. We could tour the campus, book singing lessons at a location where we performed, or possibly join an adult musical retreat. We could attend a choir concert, have a picnic on the campus quads, and peek into the rehearsal rooms in the basement where we used to practice with various piano players.
There is no doubt in my mind that this intentionally repeated experience would prove very fun. Yes, it would be more work than booking a weekend vacation at an all-inclusive Cancun resort, but more work almost always yields a more tremendous experience.
Furthermore, another benefit of doing this with a friend is the process of comparing notes, because your memories will have gaps, and you’ll each be able to fill in different pieces of the experience. Then you will jog each other’s memories, leading to a more complete experience for both of you.
Plus, reconnecting with old friends brings new joy and understanding, even healing.
"It is not wrong to go back for that which you have forgotten." - Ghanaian proverb.
Another reward of Déjà Fun is the concentrated time spent with an old friend. The value of this cannot be overstated.
Often, we don’t see old friends as much as we’d like to, or we see them in quick spurts, in routine settings, or in group settings without deeper one-to-one time.
In the Twi language, spoken by the Akan people of Ghana, there is a well-known concept called Sankofa, which means to retrieve, or to go back and get. This is symbolized by a bird looking backward with an egg in its beak and is applied poetically to many facets of life. It’s about finding wisdom for the present by looking to the past.
When you practice Sankofa with an old friend, such as during a Déjà Fun experience, you gain this type of wisdom and even healing.
Because our meaningful past experiences with close friends may also contain rifts or issues, or your friendship may have evolved, Déjà Fun is also an opportunity for Sankofa, for the importance of learning from the past.
Long-term friendships, like any long-term relationships, may be imperfect and complex, with ebbs and flows, wounds, trespasses, or things that were never discussed that should have been discussed. Hence, the Déjà Fun experience is an invitation to resolve whatever hasn’t been healed. This lends an additional layer of purpose to the experience, deepening it and creating even more meaning, possibly elevating it to an unforgettable life-moment.
The two Déjà Fun / Sankofa friend trips I took this summer were both quite personal, so I won’t be sharing the specific details, but in broad strokes, I reconnected deeply with two old friends. One from high school and one from college.
With one friend, it was our 21-year friendiversary, and with the other, it was our 25th-ish, approximately.
In both cases, we repeated a trip we’d done when we were young, 18 in one case and 21 in the other.
We went to locations we’d been to before, and we spent A LOT of concentrated time together. We also added new experiences and visited new places.
Before both trips, I was a little nervous about how they would go since I hadn’t seen either of these people in years or at such a high dose, but they both went amazingly well, and I’ll never forget either of them. I highly recommend doing this.
Not only was this fun, but I also learned so much about myself. One relationship was more fraught than the other, so it involved a lot of healing Sankofa discussions, and I left the trip feeling so much more whole and happy, and filled with fresh insights about myself and the past. It was as transformative as any ayahuasca ceremony.
Spending meaningful, intentional, considerate, and significant time with old friends made me see how little I’d changed in some ways over 20-25 years, and how much I’d changed in other ways.
This was a fantastic midlife crisis balm. It made me feel young and alive. In a way, it was like being 20 again because that version of me still existed in the minds of my old friends. I could also see their entire growth trajectories and story arcs from their 20s to 40s, and this was beautiful to behold.
We reviewed past events together through present lenses and found renewed compassion and understanding for our younger selves.
It reminded me that true long-term friends are as valuable, if not more valuable, than romantic relationships and much harder to find.
Treasure your old friends. Make time for them even if you haven’t connected in a decade. In one case, I hadn’t seen the friend in 14 years. Reach out, plan a trip together, visit them wherever they live now, and send them this blog post!
If you don’t have old friends you’re still in touch with, you can make new friends now, and eventually they will become your old friends.
Your memory is fluid and shaped by levels of importance and meaning. If you want to remember something, you need to make an effort to do so. Otherwise, amazing experiences will vanish from your mind. Remember to cherish and replay joyful memories.
The way others remember you from the past can offer beneficial insights into present-day situations.
True friendships really never die. If you got along with someone in your youth amazingly well, chances are you’ll pick up right where you left off as if no time has passed.
What might your Déjà Fun be? What’s a wonderful experience you thought would only happen once, but that you could actually repeat?
Why do you think we remember certain events better than others?
How do you make time for connection with old friends?
Is there an old friend you will send this post to?
That’s all for today! Thanks for reading!
XXXOOO
Charlotte Dune
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