One of the Party? A New "Non-Basic" Class In A TTRPG? Part: 2

"Trust me, baby, you're gonna wish you had three hands" - Mary, the three-breasted hooker, Total Recall

Baby, you make me wish I had three hands. Well, I think you’re doing just fine with two. - Benny and Mary, Total Recall

First off, this is a “Hard R” themed TTRPG post. So if you are sensitive, it would be in your best interest to stop reading now. Having said that, for those still here, let us begin.

So this is the second entry in the “non-basic” series of player character types. So I have been asked recently to make posts on some of my or my players’ NPCs and/or PCs’ non-traditional character classes. These character classes are not your basic TTRPG table fare (Fighter, Cleric, Mage, Thief, and their subtypes). Rather, they offer new game builds and avenues for gameplay. This is my 2nd entry in this possible new series in this blog. Dealing with less traditional character options. Here, I present the Harlot, a class that has appeared in my homebrew weird science fiction/fantasy campaign and has appeared in a couple of my games via players or as NPCs. Some of this content is from others’ content on this type of TTRPG character, some of this is my own stuff.

One is a take on the iconic three-breasted hooker from Total Recall from 1990 and from 2012 fame. Who started as an NPC in one of my group’s campaigns. Later, with the addition of a new female player, she became a full-on PC. For those who have been keeping up, you can find info on her in my setting throughout this page’s blog/podcast’s entire history. While this class is certainly not the bread and butter of most common character classes at most game tables and TTRPGS. My own homebrew weird science fiction fantasy leans hard into a storytelling type of the rated R (using a movie rating scale here, and that scale slides from PG all the way to hard R and anything in between). With the world and setting covering many genres from again the weird, science fiction, fantasy, and horror. (Yes, there are common TTRPG elements, tropes, and themes as well.) With a healthy dose of the adult Metal Hurlant and Heavy Metal magazines. So, it’s a mostly adult TTRPG with mature themes peppered throughout. This offers a setting where gritty character types and others like these can exist.

We see them in our game worlds, the scantily clad women leaning over talking to men in vehicles, and running away from the sounds of the guards’ or policemen’s footsteps. Harlots are as common in most towns and planets as merchants and tax collectors. Some harlots specialize in certain disciplines, becoming true masters of their art, and others are just doing it for a little while to pay their way through school. Either way, the tactics and abilities that a harlot picks up during her “on-the-job training” can be applied to countless combat and diplomatic situations. Some adventuring parties find having a harlot in their party a serious drawback, and others find it a huge advantage.

Rolling up a Harlot

Abilities: Charisma is the most important attribute of any harlot. Comeliness is a must with at least a 10 in that attribute score. (Taking into consideration the mores and beauty standards of her native race/species). Dexterity is also very beneficial in their line of work. Constitution can help harlots with illness, and anyone making a living on the streets is recommended to have some Strength. Intelligence and Wisdom tend to be the lower stats of most prostitutes.

Race: Any race. The more exotic a harlot’s race, the more expensive she could be.

Alignment: Always any Chaotic or any Neutral only. Few cities have legalized prostitution. Even in cities where prostitution is legal, harlots tend to work outside the system and under a complex bureaucracy of pimps/handlers/etc.

Gender: Any

At the first level, a harlot must dress and equip accordingly.

Starting Gold: 5d4x10 (125 gp)

Hit Die: 1d4 (If the harlot takes certain skills from other classes at character creation, or a template, she can add +1 up to a +3 to HP when she levels up)

Comeliness: minimum of 10

HP: 1-4 at first level

AC: 10 (can use light armor)

Class Skills:

Bluff (Cha), Disguise (Cha), Gather Information (Cha), Persuasion (Cha) Handle Animal (Cha), Knowledge (Opposite gender) (Int), Knowledge (Local) (Int), Listen (Wis), Profession (Prostitute) (Wis), Ride (Dex), Sleight of Hand (Dex), Spot (Wis) Survival (Wis), Tumble (Dex), Use Rope (Dex).

Class Features

All of the following are class features of the Hooker.

Weapon and Armor Proficiency: Concubines are proficient with simple weapons, the sap, dagger, small arms, and one medium firearm or melee weapon, and their acrylic nails, but not with any type of shield. She may only use light or extremely light armor. She may use magic armor and/or personal energy shields. They receive 2 weapons at character creation.

Harlot Class Attacks:

Harlots gain the Scratch attack and one other from the list below at first level.

Harlots gain the natural attack Scratch, which uses five acrylic nails on each hand. A harlot’s scratch does 1d2 piercing, or slashing, non-lethal damage. Acrylic nails crit on a 20, which does x2 damage. However, the additional damage of a critical hit has a 55% chance to break all five acrylic nails on the hand used. If the nails break, Scratch can not be used on that hand until repaired.

Hands Off: Dmg: 1D2 non-lethal damage. 35% chance +3% per level to knock the target prone.

Silk Steel: Small custom weapon, Dmg 1D4

Kiss of Death: Poison lips [Touch Attack] Dmg (by poison)

Heart of Gold: Extra turn given to another hero once every third turn

Flashin’ the Goods: One use per battle. Grants entire party + 2 to hp healing rolls and totals, +1D4 to crit, +3 to move distance, +2 to AC. Only one bonus per use.

Hold Me Close: Another party member (or enemy) guards the harlot. Save: Harlot’s Cha vs targets Wis, modifiers apply.

On the Prowl: Move forward twice your max distance.

Chaotic Cans: Two times per day, a Concubine may attempt to unleash/flash her chaotic “cans” (yes, that means her tits), against a creature with one normal melee attack. She adds her Charisma bonus to her attack roll and 1d2, 1d3, 1d4, 2d4 ( A to D cup), damage. Plus a stun effect. At every fourth level, the Harlot gains an additional use of her Chaotic Cans ability.

Distracting Cleavage/Legs/Rear: (Charm)A first level harlots gain Distracting Cleavage/Legs/Rear as a bonus ability, even if she does not meet the prerequisite. If a harlot already has this ability, she may choose another ability for which she qualifies.

A harlot can use the following spells as spell-like abilities, which are drawn from the Charm Subschool spell list. To use a spell-like ability, a hooker must have a Charisma score equal to at least 8+ the spell level. The target number (TN) for a saving throw against a harlot’s “spell” is 8+ the hooker’s Charisma modifier. The TN is increased by 2 for humanoids of the opposite gender. She gets access to the following spells, usable a number of times per day equal to her charisma modifier x 2. She gets access to the spell at the given level.

1st—Charm Person

5th—Enthrall

9th—Charm Monster

13th—Symbol of Persuasion

16th—Mass Charm Monster

BY ROB BRICKEN ON JUNE 20, 2008 reproduced here as this document could help in various alternate builds and ideas for this class.

Yes, whores. In the very first edition of Advanced Dungeons & Dragons, Gary Gygax and company knew full well that any halfway decent fantasy world would be full of whores in tight corsets and willing to fuck any PC without an N. Why, you couldn’t swing a bugbear without hitting a whore in D&D’s glory age, but Gygax soon realized that after the bugbear hit the whore, what kind of whore would she be? Obviously, more information was necessary.

So Gygax made the above, totally batshit-insane and absolutely true Random Harlot Table, so that Dungeon Masters could know what kind of whore their adventurers had encountered (shockingly, this table was dropped from all future additions of D&D, alas). Because of our deep, abiding love for both D&D and whores, TR takes a closer look at the 12 different harlots one might randomly encounter.

1) Slovenly Trull

A trull is just another synonym for prostitute, so we have to focus on the ‘slovenly’ here. Frankly, there are a lot of adjectives they could have picked to describe this breed of whore (dirty, messy, filthy, even), but slovenly indicates this whore has an utter contempt for her own appearance and well-being, and is likely covered in filth. There is absolutely no way the Slovenly Trull does not have some kind of venereal disease. Should your character drink too much mead and decide to pay up the two coppers and insert his wang into the Slovenly Trull, only a critical success on a Saving Throw will prevent his penis turning black and falling off in 1d4 days.

2) Brazen Strumpet

Strumpet is usually more associated with sluts than professional prostitutes, so I say the Strumpet (who shocks others with her brazen desire for sex) is probably the D&D representative of the town fuck. She’s probably 50/50 percent chance she is a hottie, and likely acts a bit rough and slutty around the edges, having been hollowed out by fighters, thieves, and mages of a variety of levels and sexual proclivities. The Brazen Strumpet loves the sex (or the fake feeling of affection it generates before her companions go off to storm the nearby castle ruins) and will make sure to mention this in every conversation. It’s also likely that she’s willing to have sex with a 10th-level fighter and all the followers he gains; at the same time.

3) Cheap Trollop

A trollop is just a prostitute, so if you’ve rolled a Cheap Trollop on the whore table, congratulations! You’ve just randomly encountered a cheap lay. Of course, Cheap really only refers to her price (which should still be above the Slovenly Trull’s bargain-basement sale); the reason why the Trollop is cheap is up to the Dungeon Master. Is the Trollop homely and unable to charge more? Are there so many hookers in the area that market prices have forced her to discount her price? Does she just have a poor grasp of finance, and doesn’t know what her fucking is worth? Your imagination is your only limit!

4) Typical Streetwalker

As the name indicates, this is your standard, average prostitute. She will be sexy but not necessarily attractive (50/50 chance), and sex is purely a business transaction for her. She will charge you her standard price (likely to be in the high silver or low gold range, depending on the economy of the game world) even if she wants to have sex with your dashing 6’ 6” fighter-mage personally, just to maintain her professionalism. Roll 1D12 after fucking the Typical Streetwalker: if you rolled a 1-2, you have Chlamydia; 3-4, you have gonorrhea; 5-12, you’re safe.

5) Saucy Tart

Although still a sex-worker, the Saucy Tart is different from the Typical Streetwalker by having a personality. She’s smart, funny, and will inevitably cause awkward feelings among your players who will fall kind of in love with the character, and would totally treat her right if she were real, and believe she’d probably love them too. Your standard hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold is likely to be a Saucy Tart, assuming she joined the prostitution trade willingly; if she didn’t, then she probably just cries a lot when she’s alone.

6) Wanton Wench

Wench also implies sluttiness more than professional fucking, and the wanton confirms it? The Wanton Wench is actually Ye Old Nymphomaniac. She has no sexual boundaries, and her desire to be drilled overcomes her common sense and all social taboos, and she will fuck any class, any race, and any level. She has been fucked in a 10 by 10 room by an orc guarding a chest (over the chest, actually) and, although she’s not proud of it, she’d do it again if she had the chance to.

7) Expensive Doxy

Doxy is just a fancy (and fancy sounding) word for prostitute, which works out very well because an Expensive Doxy is pretty much an Expensive Prostitute. Although there could be the same kind of economic shenanigans that inversely affect the Cheap Trollop, chances are the Expensive Doxy just works for a high-class, wellknown and reasonably disease-free call girl service, much like Heidi Fleiss ran and Eliot Spitzer enjoyed. This, along with the fact that the Doxies are almost certainly gorgeous, means they can be Expensive, and their highclass clientele (basically, anyone above 9th or 10th level) are happy to pay the price.

8) Haughty Courtesan

A Courtesan is a well-respected whore, which can mean a few things. 1) The Courtesan can be a royal position enjoyed by the King, or someone of similar statue. 2) Depending on the society, Courtesans can even be a legitimate and honored position in society (think Inara from Firefly, Whedon-ites). Unfortunately, as Gary Gygax has decreed, no matter the situation, all Courtesans in all Dungeons & Dragons worlds are haughty bitches. Unless your character is the King, the Courtesan will only tell her guards to beat the shit out of you while she sneers or gives one of those obnoxious laughs that some anime girls do when they’re being evil. If you’d like to use a non-Haughty Courtesan, you have to play a different game or be a top-tier V.I.P. son of a bitch. It’s in the rules for a reason, okay?

9) Aged Madam

The Aged Madam is not likely to do any fucking herself, which is good, because she’s Aged and that would be really weird, even for a fantasy role-playing game. Instead, the Aged Madam runs some of the other whores listed in this table, and could very well be the one brokering the transaction between the PCs and the fuckery. By the traditions of Western storytelling, Madams will most likely run a whorehouse instead of having their employees on the streets, and the overhead for the commercial location will likely mean the Aged Madam is selling services from Expensive Doxies or at least Typical Streetwalkers.

10) Wealthy Procuress

A Procuress is the exact same thing as a female pimp or a Madam, so there are basically two types of Madams you can encounter; rich or old. I don’t know if the Madams start as Wealthy Procuress, get old, lose their gold pieces and become Aged Madams, or if you have to be an Aged Madam for awhile before you make enough money to become a Wealthy Procuress (and are still old, but no one mentions it because you’d be rich and can hire the Assassins Guild to kill whomever you please). Alas, poor Gygax passed away before he answered which comes first. I do have hopes that the eventual D&D Advanced Whore Sourcebook will explain such mysteries.

11) Sly Pimp

While the word Pimp always implies a male, there’s no real reason that your Sly Pimp can’t be a woman; it is a magical world beyond imagination, after all! However, since there are already two female prostitute-pushers on the table, the Sly Pimp might as well be male. Unlike the Aged Madam, he will almost certainly have his girls work on the streets and in the taverns, having no centralized area of commerce. Also all Pimps must be Sly; all this really means is that they must be clever, so your Pimps can be cruel (slapping their hos on slow nights, or for ‘sass’) or kind and generous (“Here, buddy, take two gold pieces, go fuck Beckee and don’t tell her I told you to. She’s just been feeling unattractive lately, so I think this’ll cheer her up.”).

12) Rich Panderer

The male equivalent of the Wealthy Procuress, his wealth most likely lets him also own a whorehouse, where he could be selling anything. Most men don’t get into the pimping business because of their strong feelings on women’s rights, so it’s entirely possible he’s selling a dilapidated house full of Slovenly Trulls, although he could be running the Haughty Courtesans’ Guild as well. When the Sly Pimp gets enough experience points to become a Rich Panderer, his large-brimmed hat automatically gets him +2 to his armor class, and his cane gets +1 damage to women in general and +2 damage against hos in specific.

Till next time.