six ways to care for yourself if you're going through it

Dear reader,

The past several years have been some of the most challenging of my life. I have survived loss of loved ones, the struggle of financial instability, the pain of disentangling my identity with my creative work as I change directions in my small business. I have grown immeasurably in my relationship to people pleasing and breaking toxic family dynamics that have existed for generations. It’s been some heavy shit. And when you add in extreme financial scarcity and the stress of simply being in survival mode, it’s been hard to carry it all.

I have felt things shifting for the past year or so through my relationship to accepting change. I am emerging from the messy middle and entering into what the next chapter holds for me. Now that I have gotten some more stable work outside of my small business, I’ve been able to take a breath for a moment. I am starting to be able to look around and see all the chaos and start putting my life back together. I am finally paying off my credit card debt. I am creating an emergency fund. I am contributing to my HYSA and my IRA. I am decluttering my space. I am once again, for the millionth time, humbly getting back on the wagon.

If you too have been through a struggle and are ready to move from despair and into self compassion, read on. This is a guide of what has worked for me. Take what serves you and leave the rest.

The first step of getting back on the wagon is self forgiveness and compassion. I have gone through some really difficult things. I am betting that if you’re reading this, so have you. If you haven’t been able to show up as the highest and best version of yourself, that’s ok. You did the best you could in the moment. You are doing it now and that is all that you can control. Send some love to yourself. Life is a series of falling off the wagon and coming back to yourself. The goal is to create a set of tools that enable you to shorten the time period between suffering and finding your way back.

The following practices are different ways of allowing yourself to sit with and process your feelings. One of my favorite practices is writing Morning Pages, or three hand-written pages in the morning. Write as many pages in your notebook as you feel, three is just a suggestion. It helps to do this first thing in the morning as a way to brain dump and clear your mind. I recommend putting your phone on airplane mode/ Do Not Disturb/ completely off during this practice and all the subsequent steps.

The next thing I like to do is to do ten minutes of stretching or yoga. I like this 10 minute morning yoga video by Yoga with Adriene. Try not to be mean to yourself and think ‘oh ten minutes is barely anything, it needs to be 30 mins, an hour, etc to ACTUALLY COUNT as doing yoga’. This is not true. Ten minutes of yoga is impactful and it is restorative and it’s a short enough period of time to actually be consistent with it. I recently started practicing Qi Gong and enjoy this ten minute practice. I find it to be incredibly grounding. This woman, Allison Bagg, has some great sound baths on her YouTube channel that I recommend as well. This light movement allows you to connect with your breath and your body. If there’s one thing I have learned over the past few years, it’s the value of somatic practices. You can intellectualize and therapy speak yourself ad nauseam. The practice that really allows me to release and relax when I am feeling anxious is EFT tapping. This helps me to breathe and be in my body.

Go for a walk without headphones. Don’t even bring your phone if you can swing it. Just walk and process. Walking outside is so grounding and always helps me get out of a negative headspace. I know it’s fun to listen to podcasts and music, but it’s important to just allow yourself to be without constant external stimuli. Important note: don’t turn this into a tracking your steps thing.

Spend time in nature. For me, this looks like watering and weeding my garden. You can spend time in nature even if it is winter and cold. Finding a park to walk around in or a beach to sit on and look at the water is very healing. Nature is ancient medicine. Our human bodies want to be in nature! If you’re reading this in the winter, I also recommend going to a plant conservatory. I really enjoy the Belle Isle Conservatory for some quality time with plants when it’s cold and sparse outside.

Eat something nourishing, but don’t overthink it. Just make some rice/lentils and a roasted sweet potato with some spinach or an avocado and a little tahini sauce. It doesn’t have to be complicated. Minimalist Baker has a lot of great recipes for simple bowls to make. When I eat a home cooked meal that feels like it’s good for me, it helps. I happen to love cooking elaborate meals, so it can be a struggle for me to pull back and keep it simple. Thinking of it as grain + legume + cooked veggie + raw veggie + sauce helps me not get carried away.

Allow yourself to wind down for at least an hour, go to bed early and don’t bring any screens into the room. Having a wholesome bedtime routine is something I struggle with when I’m going through it. My rule is to not have any laptop or phone in my bedroom, but when I’m struggling I will bring my laptop to bed and watch YouTube videos and go into Reddit wormholes and stay up too late. When I am getting back on the wagon, I bring my book to bed and read for a bit until I feel tired and then go to sleep. My goal is to get 8-10 hours of a sleep and have some time to let my brain be quiet and relaxed. Bonus points here if you add in a bath and some light pre-bedtime stretching. I have an essential oil diffuser in my room and like to have some eucalyptus oil going for a peaceful vibe.

• Dancing to your favorite songs alone in your room

• Jumping on a trampoline ( I have a mini one at my studio and jumping on it while listening to Chappel Roan has gotten me out of many funks)

• Listening to your favorite album on vinyl and lying on the ground with some candles and incense going

I wrote a list of things that make me feel better and I keep it on my fridge. It helps to have the reminder. It’s ok to go through a difficult time. It’s ok to feel like shit. Just don’t prolong the pain by abandoning yourself. Love you.

Meg

TL;DR

• write morning pages

• phone OFF if possible, do not disturb/airplane mode is a good option if that’s not possible

• write morning pages

• go for a walk with no headphones

• 10 minute yoga with adriene video

• qi gong video

• go to bed early, no screens in bed

• eat something nourishing that feels good

• read a book before bed

• water the garden and houseplants, spend time in nature

• notice my breath throughout the day

• listen to music i love

• listen to nothing and just be

  What helps you get back on the wagon? Share with the class in the comments cause we need it badly right now!!!