Sober Glimmers

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Yesterday my mom and I took the kids up the mountain to feed the Chickadees. We do this every now and again, once a tradition with my late mother-in-law, who loved to bird watch and name the wildflowers we would pass along the trails.

Once we found a good clearing, we passed out the birdseed and each of us opened up our handfuls of birdseed to the sky. Then we would wait. Lo and behold, chickadees would make their way over. Cautious and hesitant, they would swoop down and perch on our fingers, grab a seed or two, then fly back to the safety of the tree branches to feast.

These moments are magical, and not just because of the birds. It’s the way the sun beams through the trees to make dancing shadows on the forest floor. It’s the shapes of trees that resemble arches, letters, and even animal silhouettes. It’s the sounds of the wind whipping through pine needles, the pitter-patter of chipmunks who want a taste of the goodies we’ve brought for the birds this afternoon. Or the random mushroom that’s made its home on a dead log for the season.

It’s countless, magical glimmers you can only see if you’re looking. Only appreciate with your senses alert. You can only enjoy in their full glory when you’re paying attention.

There’s a social media trend that’s been going around the last year or two about “Glimmers.” Glimmers are defined as the opposite of triggers. They are small moments that spark joy or peace. 

We hear so much about triggers, and in recovery, triggers can feel overwhelming and extremely heavy. 

I love this idea of looking for glimmers in early sobriety, because while the triggers are real and palpable, glimmers are also everywhere and reminders that what we are doing is impactful. Encouragement that we are going the right direction. 

Glimmers to look for in early sobriety: 

Waking up in the morning feeling fresh and energized
The first sip of coffee
Seeing a sign - A butterfly, a text from someone at a serendipitous time, a kind gesture by a stranger
Feeling present with your kids
Hearing your kids playing in the other room
Catching a special moment between two people
A delicious meal or dessert
Sliding into bed with fresh sheets

In parenting, my husband and I worked with behavioral specialists to implement a 5:1 ratio. Five positive interactions for every correction. The intention was to ensure our relationships were more driven by positive interactions than negative ones. We hoped to encourage our children to feel affirmed by what they are doing on task and motivated by what worked, instead of discouraged and reprimanded by what didn’t.