Please note: Our upcoming book club discussion on The Flowering Wand by Sophie Strand is Sunday July 19 at 3:00pm PT. The registration link is under the paywall at the end of this article.
Ruth Whippman has three boys. In figuring out the best ways to raise three boys, she did lots of research. She interviewed experts, visited homes for struggling teens and men and wrote a book all about her findings called BoyMom.
In preparation of her book coming out in June 2024, she wrote an article for The New York Times about male loneliness. It was a wildly successful article and very well received.
A few months later in October 2024, she took one small point of her book and wrote another article for The New York Times, this one called, “We Can Do Better than Positive Masculinity.”
It was such a semantic point, she was honestly surprised NYT even took it on. She wasn’t expecting anyone to care.
Boy oh boy was she wrong.
In her own words:
“It just went absolutely bananas. I thought I was suggesting something very low key—let’s not just keep reinforcing the idea that boys need to be masculine. Let’s say these are human qualities—everyone can be empathetic. Everyone can have agency. Everyone can be brave and bold and courageous and nurturing and all of the things that all human beings need. Let’s stop gendering these qualities.
I was like, that can’t be that controversial.
But it went nuts.
There was backlash after backlash after backlash. It was on Fox News. It was on Bill Maher….
I was getting hundreds of emails per day. Death threats. Rape threats.”
“They called me a man- hating c**nt and a ballbreaker and a disgusting tw*t. They told me that I was ugly and that I had “chipmunk teeth.” (My teeth featured prominently in their robust defense of positive masculinity.) Many, if not most of the messages shared a common thread, which was some version of: You can’t get laid by a real man yourself, and your feminist beliefs are only a reflection of your bitterness and jealousy about this.” - Ruth Whippman
People called her a horrible mother. People called her a child abuser.
All for saying, “Hey maybe equating masculinity with worth is harmful.”
Night and day different reaction from when she talked about male loneliness.
Watching from afar, I was SHOOK.
I had so many questions. Why would such a seemingly banal observation cause such an INSANE combative reaction? Why would she keep talking about masculinity so publicly after everything from her motherhood to her body to her worth as a human being were attacked? What gets under her skin and what doesn't?
Thankfully, I got to interview Ruth and ask her all my pressing questions.
You can watch the whole thing in the video above.
We share our stories of pushback when talking about masculinity, why there is such intense pushback, why keep talking anyway, what gives us the right as women to talk about masculinity and some hope for the future.
Hope you enjoy this conversation as much as I did!
Thanks Ruth!
If you want to talk more about masculinity- please join us at our upcoming book club Sunday July 19th at 3:00pm PT. You will get a zoom link emailed to you after registering at the following link:
https://calendly.com/celestemdavis/flowering-wand-book-club
See you there!
Comments
Nothing yet. Say the first thing.
Sign in to join the conversation.