The Vacation Lesson I Learned the Hard Way in Italy

We’re in Puglia right now, and there’s something I feel inclined to share because I know that I’m not the only mom who feels this way and sometimes we just have to talk about it. The vacation I dreamt up in my head, the one that was going to be the “best vacation ever”, has up until last week, felt like a huge fail and I want to talk about it.

If I’m being honest, before we left I was imagining what vacation would look like and in my head I saw lots of early mornings exploring a town, popping in and out of shops, and just exploring Italy together as a family. We’d eat to our hearts content and just spend our days going all over Italy without a care in the world.

And then reality hit and things ended up a little different than I imagined. We hit Italy in a huge heat wave so that means it’s 95 degrees by ten in the morning and unbearably hot until like 7 pm. To make up for not being able to go out during the day, we turned to night time outings which means we’re living as the Italians and my kids are going to bed well past their bedtimes and sleeping in during the mornings. Anytime we tried to do a morning outing it would be too hot, packed, and just pile on layers of stress that we really didn’t need.

And for about a week I was so frustrated. I kept lying there in the apartment thinking we’ve waited so long to go on this trip and it feels like we’re missing everything. Staying in from 9am-5pm felt like so much of our vacation was being missed and I felt like I was failing by not being constantly out and about exploring- weather be darned.

But then I stopped and noticed something that kind of changed everything for me.

My kids were completely happy (as long as I didn’t drag them to see trulli at 11 am).

They weren’t disappointed at all. And to be fair, it wasn’t them that had a version of this trip in their heads to compare it to. They were just, on vacation, however that looked. They were in a new place, eating different foods, getting gelato at all hours, and staying up way past bedtime (like midnight is an early bedtime to italians). To them, this IS the vacation. There’s no other one they’re missing.

I was the only one in our family holding onto a trip that didn’t exist and getting frustrated by it. And if I’m being honest that was a hard thing to realize, but it was also such a relief. Because once I put that imaginary trip down, I could actually enjoy the one we’re having. And gosh isn’t that just a metaphor for motherhood.

I stopped fighting the mornings and the insane heat. We are not going to be a family that wakes up at six on vacation (I mean we weren’t that family at home either). That’s just not us, and every day I spent trying to force it, it ended in disaster with everyone being short tempered, exhausted, and just not having fun. So now mornings are officially nothing. We’re reading books, coloring all morning, spending slow lunches visiting nonna and just playing during the hottest part of the day. Once you accept the conditions for what they are and stop trying to force anything else, things tend to feel so much more relaxing.

We do one thing a day. Just one. If we do the one thing, the day worked. So much of my frustration was honestly just my head doing me in. I was mentally counting everything we weren’t doing and then feeling like we were behind. Now, just having one thing a day helps increase our odds that we’re winning every time. I also make sure that one thing is after 5-6 pm because no one wants to be in 95 degree heat with the sun beating down on them.

I let them be bored in Italy. My eight year old’s favorite part of this whole trip so far is spending time with my 90 year old Nonna. And maybe just swimming at the beach. Not the towns I researched for hours, not the “must see” activities in Puglia. And my four year old is just happy reading books, playing, and going to the beach. Family and the beach, kids really are that simple and it was me that was over complicating everything.

Also the one italian motto “Il Dolce Far Niente” ( the sweetness of doing nothing) really comes into play here. It describes the pleasure of resting, slowing down, and enjoying the present moment without any guilt, stress, or need to be productive and if that’s not something I’m about to get tattooed on myself as a gentle reminder.

I stopped saying “we’re in ITALY!” out loud. I said it a lot that first week, and always in a tone that never once made anyone appreciate anything (oops). Honestly has anyone ever come to love a place because an adult listed its merits and told everyone all of the reasons they’re lucky to be there? Plus it puts so much pressure on everything when pressure is the last thing we need.

If you’re traveling with little ones this summer and it’s harder than the pictures make it look, I just need you to know you’re not doing it wrong. Your kids aren’t ungrateful. You didn’t waste your money, I PROMISE.

I thought I wanted to see everything Italy had and to show my kids everything there was to see. What I actually wanted was for us to feel like we'd really been there. Turns out those aren't the same thing, and the heat and the crowds made sure of it. Doing one thing a day isn't the trip falling short of the plan, it's the plan finally catching up to reality, and me finally catching up to my kids' pace, not the guidebook’s. I can't force a magical vacation by cramming more into a day. I can only let the day be what it is and try to find the magic in the little moments.

Plus let’s be honest, the real trip is the one where kids are sweaty and tired and fighting about nothing, and then they eat gelato at nine at night and think that’s the most amazing thing that’s ever happened to them.

That’s the things they’ll remember. And honestly, when you take away the pressure of a trip, it ends up being kind of magical.

Are you traveling this summer? Tell me what your trip actually looks like versus what you planned. I’d love to know I’m not the only one. Also stay tuned for a full Puglia visit with kids post once we get back home and I actually have decent wifi!