TGIF :: What We Might Be Missing Amidst the Noise

I publish bi-weekly on undimming, the practice of noticing when we’re numbing or escaping with food, work, shopping, sex, exercise, snark, substances, or over-functioning. The framework is the Eight Awarenesses. Prior posts here. Information about my recent book, upcoming events, and more via my website and at the end of this post.

Today I explore how we might use content as a dimmer and leave us with an invitation to experiment with different ways to meet stillness and silence.

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Some of us may recall a trend from a couple of years ago, a strange new flex seen primarily on social media. Men (it was almost always men) were posting about “rawdogging” air travel. A repurposing of an admittedly crass term, it refers to travels without entertainment or distraction. No headphones. No movie. No book. No sleep. Just sitting upright, eyes open. Hours of nothing.

The internet found it funny, impressive even. Generally, the rawdoggers seemed calm, almost hypnotized, throughout these multi-hour marathons of silent stillness. Somehow, tolerating one’s own unoccupied mind for the duration of a 6+ hour flight had become a feat worth documenting.

Underneath the buzz and bravado is something worth reflecting on: somewhere along the way, sitting alone with one’s thoughts for six hours has become so uncomfortable, so countercultural, that people are treating it as an achievement. Somehow, doing nothing, perhaps one of the most natural human states for most of human history, is now a flex with it’s own buzzy term.

As someone who derives a great deal of value from stillness, silence, and tuning into intuition, this notion of filling space and time with content has me thinking about the role consuming content might have in trying to live undimmed.

One of the questions I get most often is: how do I know if something I’m consuming or doing is healthy or some form of dimming?

It’s a rich question because so many healthy things can be used in unhealthy ways: food, exercise, sex, work, productivity, availability, self-improvement, and even wellness can all be used in escapist manners. The thing isn’t usually the problem. It’s the how or the why behind the reach.

There’s a difference between watching a documentary because we’re genuinely curious about a topic and watching three hours of television (or social media) because we can’t sit with whatever is waiting for us in the quiet. Between a run that energizes us and a run that’s really just an escape hatch. Even between a beer with friends at the end of rigorous activity of some kind and one we crack every night, typically alone, after another draining day.

The clue is in the moment before. Are we reaching toward something or away from something? Are we softening an edge? Are we avoiding a feeling? Are we filling a silence that makes us uncomfortable? Are we doing something to fit in or feel less removed?

The average American adult spends 6–8 hours a day consuming media.1 A full working day. More than the average American sleeps. Every day. And this is trending up: global daily consumption has climbed about an hour since 2018, accelerated by the pandemic, and never came back down.

What’s also shifting is the nature of it. What we are consuming is less “chosen” and more “fed” via increasingly sophisticated algorithms that meet us wherever we are: in line, in bed, in the thirty seconds between one thing and the next. We’re not just consuming more. We’re consuming differently too. And the design of it is not neutral.

I notice this in myself. I have a habitual tendency to consume more than I need to, whether it be news, podcasts, social media, even your Substack posts, which I feel a strange compulsion to keep up with. I’m not judging this in myself. I’m getting curious about it. Some of my reaching for content is genuine engagement to satisfy a draw of curiosity, connection, or learning. But sometimes I fill silence and stillness passively, or maybe even unconsciously? It’s a way to stay in go-go-go mode which is itself a mighty dimmer for me.

So I’ve been experimenting a bit. This past week I’ve dialed back the news significantly; ten minutes in the morning is enough most days. I’m experimenting with silence in the home, while driving, while hiking. I still feel like I need a good podcast to run, but there was a time when I only listened to music and the outcomes were different—more of a mediation and head clearing than a thing to get through. That’s next.

Oh, and puppies. I went to our local cafe this week without a distraction or project in hand and was able to meet this lovely little guy (named Bruce Springsteen!). Would I have stopped for this moment if I were immersed in a podcast? Maybe.

Do I feel different? Am I making space for intuition a bit more effectively? Is my system calming and resetting throughout the day more easily? Maybe. But it does feel like agency. Instead of passively filling silence with words, I’m trying to be more intentional with it all. It feels like eating clean.

Let’s explore together.

The Pause

It is not about how much we’re consuming (though paying attention to that can’t hurt). In exploring whether we are using something as a dimmer, the invitation is to pay attention to the moment right before the reach. What is happening inside when we press play, open the app, scroll to the next thing?

Are we moving toward something, maybe curiosity, connection, or genuine interest? Or are we moving away from something, maybe a feeling, a silence, an uncomfortable stillness that we’d rather not be with?

We don’t have to change anything per se. The idea is to get curious about that moment.

The Experiment

And if we want to go a little further, we can experiment. Complete a commute without a podcast. Make it until noon without checking in on the news. Take a complete walk with just the sounds around us. Spend an evening without the television. We can notice what comes up, not to judge it, but to hear it. Is it uncomfortable or just boring? Is there a topic a layer away from our day-to-day awareness that warrants some silent reflection?Maybe something else?

“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”
—Blaise Pascal

Stillness isn’t empty. It’s where we might find out what’s actually there.

Love.

Miscellaneous….

I was told my book Undimmed would have a different engagement cycle: longer, more steady, more viral. I am hearing and seeing that and want to thank you for your feedback. Some of my recent favorites:

This framing gives so many people the opportunity to examine their relationship with substances and habits as a whole instead of seeing their actions through a shame lens. I love this approach. -A.B.

I have so enjoyed your book … So much of what you relate regarding the paradox of alcohol use is simply amazing! You capture exquisitely the problem people experience in sobriety and the almost insane apologetic posture of opting out—especially in business here in the Bay Area / Valley. I could relate to every personal story you shared. -M.F.

“You seamlessly weave between personal narrative and clear frameworks, and the overlay of the relationship with your mom (and the boys) kept bringing tears to my eyes . . . And also deeply grateful for the reminders of staying in awareness. This book is a remarkable act of service.” -S.M.

Last chance to join us on June 9th… 6p: Hold Nothing x Undimmed: The Ways In; I’ll be holding and sharing space with Elena Brower at The Portal in Mill Valley. Details here. (Members only, lmk if you want a spot on our list!)

❤️