I’m perched at the dining room table in our living room, pre-dawn. The tea-candlelight on my altar a few feet to my left is unusually still. No incense this morning. No reason. To my right stands the Christmas tree our family purchased, returned, and lovingly decorated to mediocre holiday music the night before my eldest returned to his dorm in LA. I love the soft light it cascades through our home. We are a white-lights family, for now. Maybe someday I’ll loosen up enough for that to change.
In Italian, bonaccia is a nautical term that refers to the dead calm before the wind returns, the sea momentarily holding its breath. I’ve been doing my best to tune into a bit of that stillness in my own life this week, clinging to it, really. A couple days solo. Long drives. Music > podcasts. Seeking out and fiercely protecting pockets of wordlessness.
It takes intention and discipline. My days are full with meetings for Wisdom Ventures, the boards I support, steady exchanges with my publisher and team as we enter the final month before the book launch. There are talks to book, emails to plan, podcast episodes to record, guest pieces to write. And woven through all of that: planning a spring wedding(!), tending to family, staying connected to my health practices, and ensuring I have quality time with my people. Life is rich, and I’m doing my best to move through it with clarity and care (using The Eight Awarenesses myself quite a bit these days).
And definitely textured, with challenges, hurdles to clear.
I live with a pervasive sense of “not enoughness” — am I there enough for my people? Am I doing enough (but not too much) to help my teens frame out their summers? Did I make that annual health check appointment yet (am I de-prioritizing the priorities again)? The emails left unresponded to, the gifts not yet wrapped, the chores postponed, the visits delayed, again.
And then there’s the “too much-ness” of it all too. Launching a book comes with a tremendous amount of work, much of it in the uncomfortable category of self-promotion. It’s not my nature; I’ve always preferred to be invited rather than take up space unasked. Underneath that preference is a very old feeling — wanting to be wanted — and beneath even that, a bit of inherited unworthiness: the belief that we are valued for what we do, not who we are. Argh. I hope someday to clear that out of the channel.
Add to that the low hum of bracing for inevitable rejection and criticism, and it’s quite a soup. These next months are going to stretch me. I’ve learned, thankfully, to at least be aware of this truth (thank you, Soren):
It’s not growth that hurts. It’s our resistance to it that hurts.
Amen.
You’ll likely receive a second email from me shortly. I’m starting a new mailing list for tactical and informative things, and saving this space for the meatier writing, reflections, and research. The next TGIF will be on “social” uses of psilocybin as an alternative to alcohol — Q&A with an expert guest.
My work in the coming weeks is simply to show up for it all and be okay with how it unfolds. Writing about ClearLife and un-dimming is an invitation, an offer, a sharing of what I wish I’d had when I began this journey—and what I still use every single day.
My feelings aren’t (and can’t be) hurt by unsubscribes or quiet exits; I do it all the time myself. If you need to excuse yourself from any of these communications, please do. The last thing I want is to be an unwanted presence in your inbox.
So I’m letting bonaccia be my reminder right now, that quiet, windless pause the sea takes before it moves again. Not to escape the movement that’s coming, but to meet it with a steadier heart. If I can hold a bit of this as the winds pick up in the weeks and months ahead, I trust I’ll be carried where I’m meant to go. Thank you, truly, for being here with me for it all.
Love. 💛
Miscellaneous…
📚 The single most supportive thing my readers can do for me at this moment is pre-order Undimmed from any of the retailers listed here (including Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Bookshop). Preorders are how bookstores and the publishing world learn that a book matters, and your early support truly makes a difference. 🙏🏼
⭕️ Our next Saturday Sangha is Saturday, December 13th, 2025 at 9:00 AM PT / Noon ET. While not about “sobriety” or “recovery,” we are all actively exploring a life without dimmers. These are beautiful hours! All are welcome. Link for an invitation here.
⭐️ I’m looking forward to speaking at The Longevity Summit: The Future of Medicine + Eliminating Diseases of Aging, December 9-10 at the Buck Institute for Research on Aging in Novato, CA. You can take 15% off with code: SUMMITSPEAKER15. Tickets here.
📚 SAVE THE DATES for the Undimmed book tour:
January 7th, The Book Passage, Corte Madera, with Dr. Sara Szal
January 8th, Diesel Bookstore, Santa Monica, with Trudy Goodman
January 13th, The Book Passage, SF Ferry Building, with Jack Kornfied
January 15th, Ignite Conference, SF (details soon)
January 21st, P&T Knitwear Books, Lower East Side, NY, with Ara Katz
January 23rd, ALTAR, Chicago, more details soon!
January 24th & 25th, three private residences events in SoCal, email jill@happywomendinners for availability
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