TGIF :: Cherries and Pits from "the Road"

Welcome new subscribers! I write bi-weekly about living undimmed—present and self-aware to the ways we might habitually dull our lives with certain types of drinking, eating, snark, exercise, shopping, sex, work, drugs—even over-functioning. Prior posts here. This week’s post is a round-up of a lot that has happened since launching Undimmed last Tuesday. ✨💛🙏🏼💛✨

Our family has a longstanding tradition of sharing “cherries and pits” at the dinner table to get beneath the surface of our days. For the uninitiated, cherries are the positive things, pits are the challenging or disappointing things. It’s simple, and adaptable. Sometimes we switch to “roses, thorns, and buds,” which adds space for what’s emerging or not yet fully formed. I love these prompts so much that I’ve also suggested them in social contexts and have happily watched them stretch into multi-hour dinners with friends.

The last ten days since launching Undimmed have been full—heart-opening, boundary-pushing, and surprisingly not exhausting. It turns out I am nourished by this part! So in that spirit, today I am sharing a few cherries and pits from this first stretch plus a few practices we can all use to reflect and connect in our times together. Here goes:

🍒 On launch day, I found myself on a Zoom with 400+ guests talking about Undimmed with none other than Gabor Maté and Jack Kornfield, hosted by Soren. Vivek Murthy even joined for a bit at the end. There aren’t words to explain feeling the support and love I did (do) from people who have been a source of inspiration, teachings, wisdom, and now friendship that day (recording here).

🍒 The next day, I’m sitting with a microphone in hand beside my friend, the warm, luminous and sharp Dr. Sara Szal, about to start our interview at Book Passage in Corte Madera. I look up amidst many warm and friendly faces (and many new ones prompting the realization: wait, people I don’t know are interested in my book!?) and see three of my mom’s closest friends—two of them right in the front row, smiling at me. It made me feel like she was there too, and it rendered the whole experience even more touching and surreal.

🍒 My sons’ facial expressions and hugs, telling me they are proud of me after such talk during which I answered more than one question about the delicacy of parenting teens while doing this work around undimming. Hand on heart.

🍒 Being able to publicly thank Jack for the role he’s unknowingly played in my path to discovering compassion and self-awareness as foundational corner stones to the Eight Awarenesses, and beyond.

🍒 Choking up as I walked off the Ignite Talks stage Wednesday night amidst a thunder of applause after giving a solo talk to a packed theater about the link between alcohol and cancer. Three years after making a deal with the Universe that I’d do all I can to help raise awareness of this risk if spared a metastasis, it feels like this work is just getting started.

🍒 Reading notes from readers with comments that included:

Your work is different. Your voice resonates. It invites the reader to do the work on and for themselves. It is also incredibly vulnerable, personal, and authentic. I really appreciate that you did this.

I love the idea of shaking hands with your dimmer, understanding the role that it’s playing and then reevaluating what role you want to give it permission to play. I think the idea of space and compassion for just moderation or a redefined relationship with a dimmer is what will give a lot of people permission to explore it.

[T]hanks for this book. It’s so encouraging and inspiring. I’m glad to hear you’re doing well now, and I’m sorry for all the pain you have endured. I’m sharing your book widely.

You capture exquisitely the problem people experience in sobriety and the almost insane apologetic posture of opting out—especially in business here in the Bay Area / Valley. I could relate to every personal story you shared.

Undimmed was gifted to me at the perfect time. I know my friend was worried it might offend me. It hasn’t. Your approach is clear, kind, and adaptable. I can see how the eight awarenesses can apply all over life, so I don’t feel judged — we all have dimmers! Thank you for your work.

Thank you for the positive spin on the journey. Your eight awarenesses is the perfect companion and guide, not punishment, for this effort.

🍒 Some of the wonderful press coverage, especially mentions and pieces in NYT Well, GQ, Oprah Daily, Self, Yahoo Life + several podcasts, my favorites to date being We’re Our Best Selves the First Week of January with the Foster Sisters (they are so fun and my initial intimidation evolved into heartfelt connection by the end!) and Dry January: Understanding Dimmers and the Impact on Your Life with Linsly and Dr. Jen (love).

⬥ The ongoing struggle of social media. I keep worrying that I’m annoying people when I share (and over-share), so I end up pulling back. Then I learned that my under-posting about the San Francisco event with Jack meant a bunch of people didn’t even know it happened and I kinda let a few people down as a result. I am still learning where the line is, how to use these platforms in a way that feels natural and informative rather than irritating and performative.

⬥ Adjusting to this new pace after a very restful and restorative holiday season has been a bit of a jolt to my system. I stayed in an cooked dinner for the first time in weeks last night (plain chicken, rice, and broccoli in a quiet and clean house with two of my favorite humans—a JOY).

⬥ Stress around not keeping up with communications—mostly emails and texts. I want to stay connected, grounded, and present—and of course express my appreciation to the many, many souls supporting me and loving me throughout this experience. I’m falling behind, feeling like I am being rude or neglectful. These are tough ones for me.

⬥ The ongoing practice of grokking that not everyone is going to like what I am putting out there and that is okay—maybe even the point.

I’ll add the variation on this theme: “rose, thorn, and bud,” where the bud is the new thing—something emerging, a hope.

My bud for this week is hope on two fronts:

1. My Eighth Awareness (Service) in action is this work. My hope is that Undimmed finds the people who need and want what it offers. I wrote it because it fills a gap I fell into eight years ago when I began my own ClearLife journey. It also reflects a more flexible, non-binary approach that might have helped my mother—or helped me help my mother.

2. That my talk about alcohol and breast cancer can evolve and grow some wings. I want to keep expanding this conversation and raising awareness—not just about the link itself (which far fewer than a third of people know), but about what underlies the silence: media, lobbying, and industry interests that keep sales up even as overall consumption is falling to the lowest levels in nearly a century. What that looks like to me: more talks on more stages, media opportunities, and podcast conversations with real reach.

Cherries and Pits! Are there settings where you all could afford a bit of a deeper conversation? Try this prompt. Let the shares run deep. Even in seemingly shallow social or professional settings, this is a great way to cut through the surface noise and get to something more interesting, connecting—and learn about what we share and how we can support one another. I’d love to hear about it.

Love. And Gratitude. Really. ♥️

Miscellaneous…

⭕️ Our next Saturday Sangha is tomorrow, Saturday, January 16th, 2026 at 9:00 AM PT / Noon ET. While not about “sobriety” or “recovery,” we are all actively exploring a life without dimmers. This week we’ll talk about identifying dimmers and the First Awareness: My life is better clear. These are beautiful hours! All are welcome. Link for an invitation here.

Upcoming Book Tour Stops:

• SF Saturday January 17th: Undimmed & Illuminated, A Conversation of Finding Freedom from Unwanted Habits. A sure to be FUN evening with the one and only Kamelle Mills, 6-8 p.m. at Manny’s in SF. Free, but RSVP required. Have a listen to our podcast episode from one year into his ClearLife journey here. I am so looking forward to this one!

• NY Wednesday January 21st: Lower East Side Bookstore Event at P&T Knitwear. 6:30-8:30 p.m. Ticketed and limited seating. Details here.

• Chicago Thursday January 22: An intimate dinner and conversation at the beautiful ALTAR space, 6:30-8:30 p.m. This event is ticketed, comes with a book, and has a few spots remaining. Details here.

• LA Area Saturday January 24th & Sunday January 25th: Happy Women Dinners events (dinner Saturday, a brunch Sunday) at private homes… I love these (images from the one last weekend below). Some info here and here or contact me for a personal invitation with the host(s).

• San Diego Sunday January 25th: Happy Women Dinners evening event in Escondido. Info here.

If you made it this far, thank you! If you read the book and liked it, please leave a review so it can continue to find its humans. 🙏🏼